A day in the life of a fading JW

by dissonance_resolved 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • frogonmytoe

    That must be harrowing to have children too, I worry about my sisters' thinking I am dying soon, but they are adults. You have my sympathy, but hopefully it will make her think twice, as you said.

    On a side note, I think I'd rather go on the ministry than go for a run...

  • dissonance_resolved

    Thanks everyone for the encouragement!

    Scully-I listened to the podcast- thanks for the recommendation! I found it quite helpful. Having been raised as a JW, I'm having difficulty trying to figure out how NOT to be a JW parent. I don't have all the answers anymore. I don't even know what I believe. So it's good to hear a different perspective. I've long suspected that it IS possible to raise a child to be a moral, ethical, good person without being a JW, but I'm not quite sure how to do it without the black and white rules I've been accustomed to.

  • Bob_NC

    You just wait. Life gets better and better the longer you are away from the cult and cult-think. And now your daughter has a chance to grow up free from it. I raised my daughter as a JW. She had a hard time letting go even after she saw that it could not be the truth. She and her husband now attend an undenominational church and still have what I call traditional God/Jesus beliefs. And she turned out to be quite a moral, ethical and good person.

    As for me, I am absolutely sure that I don't have all the answers anymore. And I don't even know what I should believe. But guess what? I am still a moral, ethical, good person and do not need black and white rules. Don't need any elder monitoring either.

    Bob in NC

  • skeeter1

    A friend of mine admitted that he just flat out lies to another dude who presssures him into doing things. Now, my friend just tells the dude, "Sure, we'll do that." The dude is pleased and is off his back. But, back when my friend tried to give the badgerer dude any logical reasons, "Can't, No money, no vacation, kids sick." then the badger dude kept bugging him. Like OCD badgering. So, my friend decided to say, "Sure, we'll do that" just to get the dude off his freaking back. Surpringly, the badgerer quits. By tthe time comes for the deed, the badgerer dude has forgotten about it (or has changed his plans anyway). The badgerer is just trying to do a power play, and when the badgerer has lost the battle (i.e. my friend gives in) . .. the badgerer is happy. It's not really about going into (service, fishing, trips, etc), it's about power.

    So, tell the person that you'll go out in service on Saturday, and you'll meet at the normal place the group meets (Kingdom Hall). Then, don't show up. This person will have forgotten and go out with someone else in service. This person might ask you, and just say that it wasn't a good day. Repeat process as needed. It will not take long, and then the person will give up and move along.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Sounds like you're doing better than so-so. You've been handling things very well. Hang in there!

  • vikesgirl101

    I feel for you. My daughter's were six and twelve when I abruptly left the religion and their Dad. It was a long haul, especially fir the 12 year old. I also had sisters sending cards and gifts to my home, enticing me to come back. Cute! They weren't there for me when I was emotionally dying at the K-hall. It took about a year for the kids to get over it. I never pressured them. I even offered to drop them off at meetings and pick them up after. Meanwhile I made sure their lives were full.We invited worldly kids over for sleepovers, and best yet, we became involved in our community. On their own the kids could see we were even better people than we had been. They love their lives now,and their Dad is still in the Borg. You've got this! It's totally worth it!

  • DeWandelaar

    @dissonance_resolved... it is truly hardbreaking if a kid wants you to go to the hall... begging even... My 6-year old boy asked me lately if I was not going... I had to put my foot down but still... it hurts like hell to be in a situation like that :(

  • blondie

    Why do children want to go to meetings?

    1) They have formed friendships in the congregation and now may have no contact with them. They may have jw relatives at the congregation as well that they see less now. Solution: form new friendships with non-jws, non-jw relatives, neighbors, children from school and their families, neighbors and their children, play groups in the neighborhood.

    2) Children hear at the meetings that people who don't go may or will die at Armaggedon. This can be officially from the platform or after the meeting from other jws and jw relatives. My mother stopped going for a year (father non-jw) and my siblings and I were sure that Armaggedon would come and we would die because our spiritual future was tied to what my mother did. We begged to go often with the picture of falling into the crevasse in the Paradise book.


    As to the elderette, I'm sure she was probably "asked" by her elder husband to "encourage" you especially if she has ignored you for so long. I was an elder's wife and my husband never did that but other elders would. I told them that was their job and that I should probably have to wear a headcovering.

    You didn't say how old your daughter is or what she absorbed from the meetings, any "studies" you had with her, and input from relatives she cares about and trusts. Check out Scully's suggestion and now is the best time to gently counteract that input.

    As to family who try to encourage, sounds like emotional blackmail. Did your mother attend that day? If so, what was good about it? I would ask jws after the meeting, "so what was the best point tonight that you can use." Or "what was the theme of the WT study today?" Or the person who said I gave a good comment, "Which one, I commented twice. What specifically did you like"? I would get a blank look from them. They just gave a canned response.

    It took about 2 years before things died down for us. We did not answer phone calls and did not invited in drop-bys. "busy, sick, in the middle of a time-sensitive project, just leaving, etc.



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