BLONDIE'S COMMENTS YOU WILL NOT HEAR AT THE 07-21-2013 WT STUDY (MARRIAGE)

Communication everywhere in the WTS seems to be waning if it ever existed. Less and less effective communication at the door, on studies, at the meetings commenting, in the publications, in marriages, in families.

The WTS can only come up with 2 OT examples of marriages; are there none in the NT? Can’t they even make one up? Did you ever to a convention/assembly where an re-enactment was used rather than a demonstration? Did you notice that the wife was really married to another brother, not the one in the re-enactment, and the child was from a third family?

START OF ARTICLE

1. How has good communication helped marriages?

“I WOULD rather spend time with my wife than

with anyone else,” said a brother in Canada. “Any

happiness in life is multiplied and any pain is halved

when I share it with her.” A husband in Australia

wrote: “In our 11 years together, not one day has

passed when I have not spoken with my wife. She

and I have no insecurities or concerns about the

strength of our marriage. Frequent and meaningful

communication is a prime reason for this.” A sister

in Costa Rica stated: “Good communication has not

only enriched our marriage; it has drawn us closer to

Jehovah, protected us from temptations, united us as

a couple, and made our love grow.”

“not one day has passed when I have not spoken with my wife”

Does that include screaming, insulting speech? That could be considered “frequent and meaningful.”

Spend time with my wife than with anyone else—as they go off in the car for service with an elder, MS, or other brothers week after week? Goes off to play basketball with the “boys” leaving wife at home with baby and three-year old? Is spending time with your wife watching 4 hours of sports Saturday and Sunday while she cleans the house, cooks the meals, does the dishes and attends to the children?

Protect from what temptations? Adultery which can easily be indulged by “shepherding” some sister alone?

Vomit!!!

2. What factors can work against good communication?

2 Do you and your spouse enjoy pleasant communication,

or do you find meaningful conversation to

be a challenge? Understandably, difficult situations

may arise, for marriage unites two imperfect people

who have different personalities, including traits

that reflect their culture and upbringing. (Rom. 3:

23) Moreover, a couple may have different communication

styles. It is not without reason that marriage

researchers John M. Gottman and Nan Silver state:

“It takes courage, determination, and resiliency to

maintain a long-lasting relationship.”

GOTTMAN

Do all researchers agree with their findings? Should elders rely on human counselors?

3. What has helped couples to strengthen their marriage?

3 A successful marriage is, indeed, the product

of hard work. But the results include immeasurable

happiness. Mates who love each other can truly enjoy

their life together. (Eccl. 9:9) Consider the loving

marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. (Gen. 24:67) Even after

they had spent some time together as husband

and wife, there is no indication that their

affection for each other had waned. The

same can be said of many couples today.

Their secret? They have learned to convey

their thoughts and feelings to each

other honestly, yet kindly, by cultivating

and displaying insight, love, deep respect,

and humility. As we shall now see,

when these fundamental qualities characterize

a marriage, the lines of communication

are always open.

So it only takes “hard work” and no love or Christian qualities?

Respect for men only? Do men need respect but women need love?

But Rebekah’s feelings for her son Jacob led her to trick her husband. Is that conveying “their thoughts and feelings to each other honestly”?

(Genesis 27:8-29) 8 And now, my son, listen to my voice in what I am commanding you. 9 Go, please, to the herd and get me from there two kids of the goats, good ones, that I may make them up into a tasty dish for your father such as he is fond of. 10 Then you must bring it to your father and he must eat it, in order that he may bless you before his death.” 11 And Jacob proceeded to say to Re·bek′ah his mother: “But E′sau my brother is a hairy man and I am a smooth man. 12 What if my father feels me? Then I shall certainly become in his eyes like one making a mockery, and I shall certainly bring upon myself a malediction and not a blessing.” 13 At this his mother said to him: “Upon me be the malediction meant for you, my son. Only listen to my voice and go, get them for me.” 14 Accordingly he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and his mother made a tasty dish such as his father was fond of. 15 After that Re·bek′ah took garments of E′sau her older son, the most desirable ones which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And the skins of the kids of the goats she put upon his hands and upon the hairless part of his neck. 17 Then she gave the tasty dish and the bread that she had made into the hand of Jacob her son. 18 So he went on in to his father and said: “My father!” to which he said: “Here I am! Who are you, my son?” 19 And Jacob went on to say to his father: “I am E′sau your firstborn. I have done just as you have spoken to me. Raise yourself up, please. Sit down and eat some of my game, in order that your soul may bless me.” 20 At that Isaac said to his son: “How is it that you have been so quick in finding it, my son?” In turn he said: “Because Jehovah your God caused it to meet up with me.” 21 Then Isaac said to Jacob: “Come near, please, that I may feel you, my son, to know whether you are really my son E′sau or not.” 22 So Jacob came near to Isaac his father, and he went feeling him, after which he said: “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of E′sau.” 23 And he did not recognize him, because his hands proved to be hairy like the hands of E′sau his brother. Hence he blessed him. 24 After that he said: “You are really my son E′sau?” to which he said: “I am.” 25 Then he said: “Bring it near to me that I may eat some of the game of my son, to the end that my soul may bless you.” With that he brought it near to him and he began to eat, and he brought him wine and he began to drink. 26 Then Isaac his father said to him: “Come near, please, and kiss me, my son.” 27 So he came near and kissed him, and he could smell the scent of his garments. And he proceeded to bless him and to say: “See, the scent of my son is like the scent of the field which Jehovah has blessed. 28 And may the [true] God give you the dews of the heavens and the fertile soils of the earth and an abundance of grain and new wine. 29 Let peoples serve you and let national groups bow low to you. Become master over your brothers, and let the sons of your mother bow low to you. Cursed be each one of those cursing you, and blessed be each one of those blessing you.”

SHOW INSIGHT

4, 5. How can insight help a married couple to

understand each other more fully? Give examples.

4 “He that is showing insight in a matter

will find good,” says Proverbs 16:20.

That certainly is true in connection with

marriage and family life. (Read Proverbs

24:3.) The best source of insight and wisdom

is God’s Word. Genesis 2:18 tells us

that God made the woman to be a complement

to the man, not a copy of him. Her role is reflected

in the way she communicates.

Of course, individuals vary,

but women generally like to talk about

their feelings, people, and relationships.

They appreciate warm, intimate communication,

for it reassures them that they

are loved. On the other hand, many men

are less inclined to discuss their feelings

and are more likely to talk about activities,

problems, and solutions. And men

desire to be respected.

Best source God's word of WTS publications?

What is the definition of “complement”?

com·ple·ment (k m pl -m nt)

n.

1.

a. Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.

“Of course, individuals vary, but women generally like to talk about

their feelings, people, and relationships…loved”—but then why aren’t women elders?

Men are less inclined to discuss their feelings and are more likely to talk about activities,

problems, and solutions. And men desire to be respected.—how sexist can you get?

5 “My husband wants to solve problems

quickly rather than hear me out,”

remarked a sister in Britain. “This can

be really frustrating, when all I want is

‘tea and sympathy.’ ” A husband wrote:

“When my wife and I were first married,

my tendency was to find a quick solution

to whatever problem she had. However,

I soon learned that what she really wanted

was a listening ear.” (Prov. 18:13; Jas.

1:19) An insightful husband takes note

of his wife’s feelings and tries to adapt

his approach accordingly. At the same

time, he reassures her that her thoughts

and feelings are important to him. (1 Pet.

3:7) In turn, she tries to understand his

viewpoint. When a husband and wife

understand, appreciate, and fulfill their

Scriptural roles, their union is a thing of

beauty. Moreover, they are able to work

together in making and carrying out

wise and balanced decisions.

How good can an elder be if all he wants to do is “solve problems quickly”?

Do only women need a listening ear? If elders are men who don’t have a listening ear, how qualified are they to be shepherds?

Are women’s feelings and thoughts important in the congregation?

What are the “roles” of husband and wives? What can only men do, what can only women do beyond their physical limitations re fathering and birthing children? Have you seen this applied?

*** w11 5/1 p. 12 How Children Change a Marriage ***

On the other hand, a discerning wife will try to encourage her husband in his new role. She will involve him in child care, patiently showing him how to change diapers or prepare feeding bottles—even though he may seem clumsy at first.

6, 7. (a) In what way can the principle found

at Ecclesiastes 3:7 help marriage mates to show

insight? (b) How can a wife show discernment,

and what effort should a husband make?

6 An insightful couple also know that

there is “a time to keep quiet and a time

to speak.” (Eccl. 3:1, 7) “I now realize

that there are times when raising an issue

is not appropriate,” observed a sister

who has been married for ten years. “If

my husband is overwhelmed with work

or other responsibilities, I let a little time

pass before I raise certain matters. Our

conversations are much smoother as a

result.” Discerning wives also speak graciously,

aware that a well-chosen word

“spoken at the right time for it” is both

appealing and appreciated.—Read Proverbs

25:11.

Did Abigail know when to disobey her husband? Do jw wives know when to do that today?

So are women facing less stress regarding work and their responsibilities?

7 A Christian husband should do his

part not only by listening to what his

wife says but also by striving to express

his own feelings clearly. An elder who

has been married for 27 years said: “I

have to work at telling my wife what is

deep in my heart.” A brother who has

been married for 24 years observed: “I

can bottle things up, thinking, ‘If I don’t

talk about this issue, it will go away.’ Yet,

I have come to realize that it is not a sign

of weakness to show my feelings. When

I struggle to express myself, I pray for

the right words to say and the right way

to say them. Then I take a deep breath

and start talking.” Also helpful is the

right setting, perhaps when the couple

are alone considering the day’s text or

reading the Bible together.

But how do elders handle their feelings regarding things in the congregation; don’t talk to their wives…other elders? How does that affect the marriage?

How effective can elders be if they are afraid to show their feelings?

8. In making their marriage a success, what

added motivation do Christian couples have?

8 Important for both husband and

wife are prayer and a strong desire to improve

their communication skills. To be

sure, it can be hard to change old ways.

But when a couple love Jehovah, ask for

his spirit, and view their union as sacred,

they have the kind of motivation

that many lack. A wife of 26 years wrote:

“My husband and I take Jehovah’s view

of marriage seriously, so we do not even

consider separation. This makes us work

harder to resolve problems by discussing

them together.” Such loyalty and godly

devotion please God and result in his

rich blessing.—Ps. 127:1.

When do men pray in the congregation? Before and after meetings….if there is a family formal study perhaps, with their wives, personally? How many jws truly pray sincerely and with insight? Forty-five years of canned, repetitious prayers.

Do not consider separation—even if the husband beats the wife, does not support the family financially though he can?

When we left there were 4 couples separated…drove the elders nuts as the CO asked why it was allowed…can’t be df’d for separation (unless you find a new partner on the side).

GROW IN LOVE

9, 10. In what practical ways can a couple

strengthen their bond of love?

9 Love, “a perfect bond of union,” is

the most important quality in a marriage.

(Col. 3:14) Genuine love grows as

a loyal couple experience life together,

with its joys and challenges. They become

even closer friends and cherish

each other’s company. Such marriages

are nourished, not by just a few great

deeds, as portrayed in the media, but by

countless smaller acts—a hug, a kind remark,

a thoughtful gesture, a telling

smile, or a sincere “how was your day?”

These little things can make a big difference

in a marriage. One couple who

have been happily married for 19 years

phone or text each other during the day

“just to see how things are going,” the

husband said.

GENUINE love

LOYAL couple

CLOSER friends

CHERISH each other’s company

How was your day? But not stop and listen

Does she phone and text only….in fact

Just don’t hug each other at the KH!!!

10 Love also impels a couple to continue

learning about each other. (Phil.

2:4) In turn, such knowledge makes their

love grow even stronger despite their

imperfections. A successful marriage is

not static but grows richer and stronger

with time. So if you are married,

ask yourself: ‘How well do I know my

mate? Do I understand his or her feelings

and thoughts on matters? How often

do I think about my spouse, perhaps

reflecting on the qualities that attracted

me to him or her in the first place?’

Since men don’t need to talk how does he learn about his wife?

I worked for a therapist that gave tests to couples….to show how most husbands knew little about their wives.

How much reflection do you think jw men make?

PICTURE: Little things make a big

difference in a marriage

CULTIVATE RESPECT

11. Why is respect vital to a successful marriage?

Illustrate.

11 Even the happiest marriages are not

perfect unions, and a loving couple may

not always see eye to eye. Abraham and

Sarah did not always agree with each

other. (Gen. 21:9-11) Yet, their differences

did not drive a wedge between

them. Why not? They treated each other

with dignity and respect. For instance,

Abraham said “please” to Sarah. (Gen.

12:11, 13) She, on the other hand, obeyed

Abraham and thought of him as her

“lord.” (Gen. 18:12) When a couple lack

respect for each other, this usually becomes

evident in their pattern of speech

or tone of voice. (Prov. 12:18) If they

do not address the underlying problem,

their marriage may be headed for tragedy.—

Read James 3:7-10, 17, 18.

Yes, Sarah did not agree with Abraham and Hagar and Ishmael staying. Remember she was the one who “gave” her to Abraham to have a child not trusting in God to fulfill his promise. When Sarah finally had a son; then Hagar and Ishmael were an embarrassment.

In those times men were allowed more than one wife and were considered property. Not true today in the WTS right?

Where does a jw wife go for help when her husband is disrespectful? To men who have no feelings?

12. Why should newlyweds work especially

hard to cultivate respectful speech?

12 Newlyweds should work especially

hard to speak kindly and respectfully to

each other, thus creating an atmosphere

of free and honest communication. “The

first years of marriage, while being joyful,

can sometimes be frustrating,” a

husband recalled. “As you come to terms

with your wife’s feelings, habits, and

needs—and she with yours—things can

get a bit wobbly! However, it will stand

you both in good stead if you have a reasonable

approach, a sense of humor, and

the stabilizing qualities of humility, patience,

and reliance on Jehovah.” How

true!

So it seems that there are a lot of disrespectful spouses at the KH. With quick courtships encouraged and tight chaperonage, how well can any man get to know a woman at the KH?

DISPLAY GENUINE HUMILITY

13. Why is humility a vital factor in a healthy,

happy marriage?

13 Good communication within marriage

is like a stream that flows gently

and peacefully through a garden. Being

“humble in mind” plays a key role

in keeping that stream flowing. (1 Pet.

3:8) “Humility is the quickest route to resolve

a difference because it moves you

to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ ” noted a brother who

has been married for 11 years. Happily

married for 20 years, an elder commented:

“Sometimes the words ‘I’m sorry’ are

more important than ‘I love you.’ ” He

added: “One of the quickest shortcuts to

humility is prayer. When my wife and

I approach Jehovah together, we are reminded

of our imperfection and God’s

undeserved kindness. That subtle reminder

helps me put things in proper

perspective.”

Stream through a garden!!!!!!!!!!

So are men trained to be say I’m sorry and admit mistakes in the WTS?

So in the prayer who is doing the talking, the husband? How does the wife express her concerns to God, does her husband read her mind or interview her beforehand?

PICTURE: Maintain good communication in

your marriage

14. How can pride affect a marriage?

14 Pride, however, is anything but conciliatory.

It stifles communication because

it takes away both the desire and

the courage to apologize. Instead of

humbly saying, “I’m sorry; please forgive me,”

the proud person makes excuses.

Rather than courageously acknowledging

a weakness, he points to faults

in the other person. When hurt, instead

of pursuing peace, he takes offense, perhaps

retaliating with harsh words or icy

silence. (Eccl. 7:9) Yes, pride can be lethal

to a marriage. It is good to remember

that “God opposes the haughty ones,

but he gives undeserved kindness to the

humble ones.”—Jas. 4:6.

Did you know that the WTS said you should apologize for things you didn’t do for the sake of peace?

*** w06 6/1 p. 11 par. 10 Highlights From Book Two of Psalms ***

For us to keep peace, it may sometimes be wise to “give back” by apologizing, even if we are not convinced that we are in the wrong.

*** w02 11/1 p. 6 Apologizing—A Key to Making Peace ***

Although Paul said this to discourage fellow Christians from airing their personal differences in secular courts, the principle is clear: Peace among fellow believers is more important than proving who is right and who is wrong. Keeping this principle in mind makes it easier to apologize for a wrong that someone thinks we have committed against him or her.

15. Explain how applying the principle found

at Ephesians 4:26, 27 can help a married couple

deal with differences that may arise between

them.

15 Of course, it would be naive to

think that pride will never surface.

We need to recognize it and address it

promptly. Paul told fellow Christians:

“Let the sun not set with you in a provoked

state, neither allow place for the

Devil.” (Eph. 4:26, 27) Failure to heed

God’s Word can lead to needless distress.

“On occasion, my husband and

I have not applied Ephesians 4:26, 27,”

lamented a sister. “The result has been

some of the worst nights’ sleep I’ve ever

had!” How much better it is to discuss

matters right away with reconciliation as

the goal! Of course, marriage mates may

need to give each other a little time to

cool down. It is also fitting to pray for

Jehovah’s help to get in the right frame

of mind. This includes having a humble

spirit, which will help you to focus on

the problem, not on yourself, lest you aggravate

the situation.—Read Colossians

3:12, 13.

So how does pride fit in here? Who has the higher status in the KH, men or women, who are expected to humble themselves? Who are told to be humble and in subjection or submission most often?

16. How can humility help a couple to see their

individual strengths in the right light?

16 Humility and modesty help a married

person focus on the strengths of his

or her mate. To illustrate: A wife might

have special talents that she uses for

the benefit of the family. If her husband

is humble and modest, he will not feel

challenged by her but will encourage her

to use her gifts, thus showing that he values

and cherishes her. (Prov. 31:10, 28;

Eph. 5:28, 29) At the same time, a humble

and modest wife will not flaunt her

abilities or belittle her husband. After

all, the two of them are “one flesh,” and

what hurts one hurts the other.—Matt.

19:4, 5.

So what talents would challenge a husband, her ability to diaper children, cook, and clean?

Flaunt what abilities? Pay the bills because he hasn’t had a job for 5 years?

17. What can help present-day marriages to be

happy and a cause for praise to God?

17 No doubt you want your marriage

to be like that of Abraham and Sarah

or Isaac and Rebekah—truly happy, long-lasting,

and a cause for praise to Jehovah.

If so, cleave to God’s view of marriage.

Look to his Word for insight and

wisdom. Cultivate true love—“the flame

of Jah”—by thinking appreciatively about

your mate. (Song of Sol. 8:6) Work hard

to develop humility. Treat your mate

with respect. If you do these things, your

marriage will bring joy to you and to your

heavenly Father. (Prov. 27:11) Indeed,

your feelings may well reflect those of a

husband of 27 years, who wrote: “I cannot

imagine life without my wife. Our

marriage continues to grow stronger

every day. This is because of our love for

Jehovah and our regular communication

with each other.”

Are they no NT married couples for examples>

God’s view of marriage in Abraham/Sarah, Isaac/Rebekah’s time…polygamy and women are property. Remember both Abraham and Isaac represented their wives as their sisters, afraid that some admiring ruler might kill them and God’s promise would come to naught?

Are women respected in the KH as long as they keep their place?

Where is the love for Jesus?

CONCLUDING COMMENTS

How quickly do jw men remarry after their wife’s death? Evidently it doesn’t take long for them to “imagine life without” their wife.

NEXT WEEK, PARENTS, CHILDREN—COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE

Love, Blondie

Jeannette

I love to read Blondie's "Comments You Will Not Hear at the WT Study" series. This one was so funny. Thank goodness I wasn't there today as I always hated these Watchtower lessons. Seems like they are getting a little more women friendly compared to the years past though.

JakeM2012

Thanks Blondie, I use some of your comments (paraphrased) in emails to my brother who I hope will someday awaken him.

Thanks Again, for you work and comments.

FreeGirl2006

Blondie, I love your snarky comments but you outdid yourself with today's vomit inducing topic.

JW GoneBad

It was quite comical to sit back, watch and listen to this discussion at our meeting on how to maintain good communication in a marriage. Like JWs are the authority on marriage! Yah, right!

We have in our congregation so many sisters estranged-be it separated or divorced from their mates. We have elders, ministerial servants, pioneers and publishers alike with past and present marital issues. Many on their 2nd marriage while others in their early to mid-forties considering a third attempt.

Recently, a young pioneer married couple left our congregation to help out another local congregation. Two months go by when the sister, alone, started to attend our meetings again. Turns out she and her husband are separated and talking about divorce.

The make-up of our congregation of so many separated, divorced or re-married couples is not unique. Our entire circuit is made-up of countless numbers of marriages gone bad due to communication hangups/handicaps. I’m sure it’s the same worldwide in JW world.

prologos

thank you blondi for your questions too. marriage is a natural thing. relying on Wt trying to teach marriage manners, causes many problems.

They are as good as teaching marriage as calculating end time dates.

follow your instincts. evolution tested.

WTWizard

How can joke-hova, or the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger, profess to be the expert on marriage when they try to dissuade or even block people from it? And, if it's joke-hova's purpose that I must grow old and die celibate for lack of opportunity and that thing is going to bust up any chances I would have had, why should I even bother wasting my time attending this even if there was any value in the advice? It doesn't apply to me in any way, shape, or form--and I am not going to assist others for joke-hova if joke-hova is so hellbent on keeping the opposite sex out of my life.

At that, two outdated examples. Remember, joke-hova had more at stake with these 2 than anyone else including you. Had one of those marriages failed, there would be no "chosen people". No "chosen people" means no nation to run the Gentiles out of the western Middle East. No "chosen people" means no Jesus to come out of it to die so we could be guilted into obedience. No "chosen people" means no Christi-SCAM-ity, no jokehovian witlesses, no Boston Movement, no Twelve Tribes cult, no Mor[m]ons, no cat licks, no cults, no Dark Ages, no enslavement, no model to sneak communism onto the masses--and joke-hova would have had to just plain let Satan lead mankind off into the Golden Ages. And joke-hova cannot stand its rival God leading mankind into the Golden Ages.

Thus, joke-hova is going to take extraordinary measures for those people at chokepoints in getting its filthy messiah off the ground. Does that mean that thing is going to help you? Remember, you are not at a chokepoint where if your marriage fails or you aren't able to find a mate in the first place, joke-hova's tyranny is going to fail. Hence, joke-hova will not do a damn thing for you aside using these atypical examples to dangle in front of you.

BLONDIE'S COMMENTS YOU WILL NOT HEAR AT THE 07-21-2013 WT STUDY (MARRIAGE)

blondie

Jeannette

JakeM2012

FreeGirl2006

JW GoneBad

prologos

WTWizard

Julia Orwell

mP

abbasgreta

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