Shunning squared

by Apostating 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Apostating

    Greetings my fellow warriors,

    I have not posted my bio yet, i tried but i can't yet.

    However this i can share. I have been divorced from my jw wife for two years now. And i have two children, they are 5 and 7 years. I was disfellowshipped and after that i learned ttatt.

    The meeting arrangement i have is that she drops them of after the jw meeting on thursday and picks them up on saturday before the meeting.

    Every single time there is a sister in the car who i know very good and who i love dearly. But she will not even look in my direction, even when my kids wave them goodbye she does not see them. I stay away from the car out of some sort of dumb respect/guilt thing.

    Every time i need a drink when they leave, so that will be right now! I just wanted to share i guess..

  • Ding


    Sorry you are going through all this.

  • Mum

    It's heart wrenching. I went through a similar situation with my daughter. It's hell. The best day of my life was when my daughter turned 18, and her dad couldn't use her as a pawn to punish me. She wants nothing to do with the Watchtower now. Her in-laws go to a fundamentalist church, and the service makes her physically ill. She can only go to liturgical churches, where the focus is on worship, not evangelizing and/or judging.

    Take one day at a time. Be sure the kids understand that you love and accept them for who they are and regardless of their choices of religion. Be sure they have a good time with you, and are going to have good memories of their time with you when they're older. I hope you don't talk to them about what's wrong with the WT. They'll figure it out by watching behaviors.

    Hang in there. It'll get better with time.

  • FrankieGoesToHollywood

    If you still love her, give her compliments. Be humble(It ainĀ“t easy I know) but I think thats the only way you could (If you want) win her back

    and out of this false religion, and especially your kids.

    Good luck Brother!

  • neverscreamagain

    Apostating - Greetings and a warm welcome!

    You are surely in a tough situation. I don't have any magical answers for you, but your situation is similar to many on this board have faced and are facing. A lot of good insight can be found from the members of this board.

    Hang in there, it does get better.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi Apostating, I'm sorry that you are divorced and shunned, but I am glad that you saw TTATT so that you can live the rest of your life free of the WTBTS's BITE control.

    You are very luck to spend so much time with your children. You have a lot of time to help your children to critically think for themselves, help them to make non-JW friends, and to experience how wonderful life is with you without saying anything bad about the WTBTS. Have you read the thread Thankyou dad, for making me think... by Aussie Oz? Have you read books by Steve Hassan (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs") and visited his website to learn ways to help your children to critically think for themselves?

    Best of wishes helping your children to critically think for themselves so that they will not be victimized by the WTBTS's BITE control.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Adventurousone

    Hello Apostating:

    Glad you broke free and I'm sorry for what your going through. The best advice given is don't talk bad about the WTBTS in front of the kids because they'll see the difference for themselves. Just be as loving as you can, because it will all come out in the wash. With your kids you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Well that's how the saying goes, and they'll believe what they want to, so bare with them their only doing what they were taught, it's not their fault. So you take care of yourself and press on to your new life.


  • problemaddict

    Sorry AP. That sucks. It is amazing even now the control of the conditioning and what it has over us even when we no longer believe it intellectually anymore. But maybe it will help to view it that way.

    In other words, the impact of that shunning isn't taking place around you, its taking place inside you. Essentially you have control over how it impacts you, even though it is difficult to think of it that way. I say next time the kids pull up, you go out to the car and say hello and grab the kids. These are YOUR children. Your ex-wife (not knowing the situation that led to divorce), is the only other person with parental rights. Plus your children are not getting to a seriously impresionable age. Your main focus should be to balance out the constant brainwashing they are going to be receiving.

    It is kind of like self fullfilling prophecy. The shunned and ostracized one, end up needing the drink and being less motivated and having less community. Your kids will need YOU to foster a community, and friends apart from the hall. Don't be surprised if the first time to acknowledge a birthday, your children are conflicted, and a custody battle ensues. I mean that is how nuts this is. Just know that you need to be the reasonable one. You need to be the source of sanity with your childrens future belief system at stake.

    Maybe putting the focus on the job you have with the kids, will help you overcome the depression and anxiety associated with this change? :)

  • Brother of the Hawk
    Brother of the Hawk

    Welcome. I am looking forward to reading your story! It is ashame how the WT de-humanizes everyone who leaves!! That is a shining example of a organization who follows Christs example of love!!! NOT!!!!

    Affectionately: Brother of the Hawk ( I will surrender my mind no more, forever)

  • whathappened

    Welcome Apostating. It must be difficult for you, but we are all kindred spirits here. Don't be afraid to post your story. We will help you.

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