Feeling numb and alone

by DeWandelaar 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Gorbatchov

    Hoi DeWandelaar,

    ik herken wat je zegt. Ik heb niet dezelfde omstandigheden als jou, en ben afgehaakt door de geschiedenis van ons geloof te onderzoeken. Geschiedenis heeft altijd mijn interesse gehad, gecombineerd met kennis maken met getuigen die dezelfde interesse hebben.

    Dit alles is begonnen door de nieuwe zienswijze over de generatie in 1995. En alle veranderingen daarna. Ik ben tot de conclusie gekomen dat ons geloof door amateurs is gestart (Conley en Russell) en dat het nog steeds door amateurs wordt bestuurd. Een ding is mij zeker, het is de waarheid niet. De nadruk ligt tegenwoordig op absolute gehoorzaamheid en organisatorische continuïteit door focus op vastgoed, aandelen en politieke invloed via aan het genootschap verbonden organisaties.

    Ik ben het met je eens, losraken van onze geloofsstructuur voelt soms op momenten eenzaam, en aansluiting bij anderen, wat wij wereldse mensen noemden, is erg moeilijk. Wat schijnt te helpen is een resolute breuk en helemaal over nieuw beginnen. In mijn geval is dat onmogelijk door familiebanden die ik niet wil verbreken. En dan kom je in een cirkel terecht. Eenmaal wetend dat de waarheid de waarheid niet is, maakt het voor mij onmogelijk om onbevangen een lezing aan te horen.

    we zullen er mee moeten leren leven, denk ik.



  • Truth seeker 674
    Truth seeker 674

    well said Gorby

  • CADSkin

    Fading is tough. You need to feel a part of something. Join a book club, a lodge, a band, an exercise class…anything that you might feel interested in. Take a community college course. Just one to start. These things help. Talking about it helps as well. Good luck to you.

  • whathappened

    Please feel free to let it all out here on JWN. We are here and we know exactly what you are going through. Take as much of this good advice as you can. Prioritize the list of to do's because you cant changed your whole life overnight. Start with what's really important and the other things will follow. Best wishes to you and your family.

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    You're not alone, a lot if not most of us are in the process of losing or have already lost those we love. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope only to lift your spirits by letting you know that there's always light at the the end of the tunnel.

    No matter how rough things get you will eventually see brighter days- it is inevitable.

  • grumblecakes

    Dewandelaar: So sorry for your losses! Youre not alone {{Hugs!}}

  • LisaRose

    Facing so many loses and changes would affect any one, it understandable you would be feeling bad. That being said, there are a lot of things you can do, others have made good suggestions. Here is my suggestions. First, take a deep breath. In stressful situations, take a moment to recharge your brain. A quick simple way to calm yourself: close your eyes, breath in slowly through your nose for a count of seven, hold your breath for a count of seven, then breath slowly out through your mouth for a count of seven. Do this seven times, you will be amazed how much calmer you will feel. Repeat as needed.

    Since you are struggling with your marriage/sex life, I am going to make a suggestion that you and your wife have a date night each week. Date night doesn't mean you have to go out, but it does mean you make your relationship with your wife a priority. Let the kids spend the night with friends, and prepare a nice meal for yourselves. Take time to to talk, go for a walk, or for coffee, or watch a movie. At first, don't use the time for sex, but to rekindle the romance, and improve communication. In times of stress, it may be easier to draw away and just think of yourself, but resist that, you guys need to work together to find solutions to your problems. Brainstorm together to think of what to do about your child issues. My husband and I do this every Friday. We are empty nesters (kids all grown), but it we still think it is important, and we don't need to get drunk to have sex. I heard recently that men who do household chores get more sex, so give that a try. You have lost so many other things, don't loose each other, that will only make your life worse.

    Your kids: If they are acting up it may be because they are confused and also dealing with with these changes in their lives. Take one at a time and go for a walk or do something they like at least once a week. Don't make a big deal about it, just do it. Find something you can share with just the two of you.

    Money issues, do a budget, you will never improve your financial situation without a good budget. Work with your wife (not on date night though, lol) to come up with a realistic budget. Allow some money for fun, and talk to the kids about what things they can give up and what they can't. Children are smarter than you think and will usually be more understanding if they know what's what. You may think you are protecting them by not talking about it, but they probably already know.

    Focus on the good. In times of trouble, keep thinking about what you do have, not what you don't. You have your health and two healthy, if wild, kids and a nice wife, there are a lot of people who would gladly trade places with you. Do what you can to improve your situation, but do not forget to be thankful for what you do have. I have fairly serious health issues, but I get up each day, grateful that I am on the right side of the turf. In the past I focused on what I didn't have, now I look back and realize I just made myself miserable for no good reason. I have my bad days, who doesn't? But I don't let it take over my life. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, go buy a cup of coffee for the bum on the corner, and think about how nice it is to be the giver in that situation.

    I hope things get better for you, I find if you wait long enough they usually do.

  • 3rdgen

    So sorry for your pain.

  • fakesmile

    when i get in the pits, i listen to "everybody hurts " by rem. the official video puts much into prospective.

  • DeWandelaar

    Thanks for the comments... the thing is that it all started with the disapproving looks by people in the hall at my kids that made me rethink my JW-life... I felt disapprovement all my life and I was not going to swallow it for my kids as well!

    Something snapped when they wanted to have a chat with me about my kids after hall so I told them clearly and harshly that EITHER they were going to talk about it immediately or I would go home afterwards without a word.

    They objected that the meeting was starting but I told them to shut up and come with me immediately and settle it which they actually did.

    I was looked down to in my time in the hall when I was a youngster because of the same reasons... I was always spoken to by elders in my birthplace. If that was the hardest part then I did not mind but not only in the hall I never felt welcome... I was bruised and battered at school as well... How I survived the bullying and lack of love in my live I do not know but I do know that it fucked me up big time.

    Nowhere I was I felt myself truly happy you know...

    I have battled for 35 years to beat the odds but feeling "lonely" does not go away... I have a hard time targeting my feelings sometimes although I have good social skills in general...

    I was in a lot of events THE person to tell your problems to though... When I was 14 a elderly child molester who studied with me (which I conscidered a friend) told me about his past (he hadn't done me wrong fysically though) ... even a lot of women told me about the fact they got raped (some by "brothers", some by wordly people), marrial problems, problems with their sex (some were gay)... I was their friend in all situations. They conscidered me strange but wise at the same time... something the elders said at the last meeting I had with them: some people may not want to visit because you can have very deep discussions. He told me even I was a bit "weird" as well... not an ordinary person. Well thanks a lot moron...

    I do try to get more nice hobbies (like growing my own plants and greenery like tomatoes, strawberries and courgettes)... we even sell it online as a company now but I am just like my son... I get bored quickly and can not sit down and simply enjoy sitting in the sun... I become restless within 5 minutes.

    It is just not cool being me sometimes you know... My MIND knows that is absolutely bullshit since I achieved a lot in my life already but my FEELINGS and EMOTIONS are strangling it all the time lately... Normally I cope with it well enough but at times when it is very quiet at work (like it is for some weeks now) my mind and emotions go hayware.

    I am totally bored. I am looking for a new job now and the knowledge that I may get a new job etc helps a lot but yesterday I was a complete wreck.

    That I was awake yesterdaymorning till 3.00 AM didn't help either... and I woke up at 6.30!

    To my dutch friends: thanks for the supporting words as well... did not know Gorbachov was dutch :)

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