Ideas to wake up the JW 'Feelers'

by Captain Obvious 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious

    A great point was made by NeverKnew on another thread about certain doctrinal issues will cause a 'Thinker' to wake up, but a 'Feeler' will just shrug and carry on. The Feeler JW is often not stupid, but intellectually lazy. They will often not bother to do research, whatever is said from the platform is fine.

    I am a thinker, my wife is a feeler. When I first woke up I showed her some doctrinal inconsistencies and she just shrugged and said, "So"?

    What I am thinking so far as ways to reach a feeler;

    - Child abuse scandals and payouts

    - Quote mining, rewritten history and lies by the WTS in their pubs

    - The WT's ignorant attitude towards women.

    I have tried all of these with my lovely wife. Her response to the first is, "how do you know all this? I don't believe that." Unfortunately I am unable to show her references other than the boooring court docs because she won't want to look at any "apostate" sites.

    To the second, she just gets mad.. Like.. MAD at me for even suggesting that they would lie. She won't even consider it, let alone look at and read the references.

    To the third, she doesn't see it. It's just the way things are. I treat her as my equal, but she isn't the women's lib type and puts me in the lead anyway.

    She finally is willing to imagine a possibility where I get DF'ed and our lives are actually affected by my waking up. She will still talk with me about it, but doesn't like to express herself so it's difficult to get her to explain her feelings on matters. She also gets her back up when talking about the GB. She doesn't care about doctrinal issues, she doesn't care about scandals. I'm near my wits end, but will not give up.

    What I'm looking for is input on my situation, and also a list or discussion about ways to reach a Dub like my wife. She's the 'never really studied, can't quote scriptures, misses half the meetings and goes out in service once a month... But has been to meetings since birth and so is brainwashed without any real solid basis for her faith'... Type. One would think she would be an easy case, but she seems willing to overlook all this BS just to stay in touch with friends and family and maybe even survive the big A.

    Tough nut to crack. To top it off I'm an atheist, and all she knows of evolution and natural history is from the bOrg books.

    What has worked for some of you? We can't all be Thinkers.

  • losingit
    losingit

    My husband and I are separated heading towards a divorce because of the exact differences in personalities you are describing. During our time together i tried to reason with him. At times it looked like he was leaning towards logic and understanding, seeing the truth about this hypocritical religion and the hypocrisy in its members. But "the truth" was stronger. I could not get past the control exerted over my life, a control that was stifling. He called that control a way of life, and this from someone who is "weak spirituality. "

    I wish you luck in getting her to join you in freedom.

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Some of the characterizations about thinking vs feeling personality types do not hold up. Those who have a T do not necessarily “think better”. I’m INFP and what finally helped me wake up was researching 607 BC. Leolaia, one of the best researchers on this board, has an F in her Myers-Briggs.

    The one thing about mind control is that it overrides a person’s personality. Their cult identity will override the decisions of the authentic personality.

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    I do understand CO, I come from a whole family of feelers. I can't reason with any of them. My sisters didn't even seem to notice the sexism that enraged me on a daily basis as a JW. My mother wouldn't let me begin to say anything anti JW without cutting me off mid-sentence and just getting angry. When I was a teenager if she didn't want to talk about anything she would just walk out of the room. I don't know why I'm different, I suppose it's just genetics. I am sorry I don't have any answers for you but I just wanted to say I understand your frustration.

  • jeremiah18:5-10
    jeremiah18:5-10

    I suspect that those who are born in, as I was, are kept there because they feel safe. Its the only social circle they've ever known. Where else would they go? The big bad evil world?

    Why not attempt to make some friends with some nice moral worldly couples and gently integrate them into your social circle, thus helping her to see the big bad evil world isn't at all like the society paints it to be. Then it will be easier for her to let go gradually, just fade into the background and escape without her even knowing it? She would replace the void the society fills for her and she wouldn't need it anymore.

    Just an idea.

  • NeverKnew
    NeverKnew

    Londo, we need you! I'm now in friend "love" with Leolaia! *grin*

    In that post, I believe I was arguing against the theory of 607 not being a significant catalyst towards an awakening. Given my reading, the inconsistencies seemed to be a valuable contribution to many awakenings.

    I'm beginning to wonder if being personally wronged or being up close and personal WITH the wrongs (in a position of authority or as the spouse of someone in a position of authority) could be the biggest catalyst for feelers in realizing WTS inconsistencies. Is this a possibility?

    ...and out of curiousity, was there any event that made you feel uncomfortable that preceded this research?

  • Giordano
    Giordano

    For some people they 'feel' the truth so it is the truth warts and all. That way they don't really think about it.

    But quite often they can see the real truth about another religion. Perhaps you should bone up on the Mormons and share what you learned about them. Maybe it will dawn on her that they are similar to the JW's. If you can get her to use her critical thinking skills about a different religion......?

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi Captain Obvious, What are you willing to do to help your wife to critically think for herself? It is your choice what to do, seek professional advice, take a more passive approach on your own, hope that the WTBTS pushes your wife too far, or roll the dice.

    Are you willing to watch the following two videos for 3 hrs to learn more about mind control and techniques to overcome it: Steve Hassan explains SIA method to rescue loved ones from unhealthy situations (2003) and Steve Hassan at NYC Ethical Culture Society February 2013?

    Are you willing to read at least one of Steve Hassan's books ("Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs")?

    Are you willing to pay ~ $100 for professional advice by talking with Steve Hassan or one of his coaches by calling 617-396-4638 between 9 - 5:00 EST or send Steve Hassan an email using his website's email contact form: http://freedomofmind.com/Contact/index.php?

    If you don't want to do any of the preceeding suggestions, best of wishes helping your wife to think critically for herself. To make the best out of your lousey situation, I would then recommend that you show your wife how much you love her; sign-up for daily promotions at www.travelzoo.com or www.groupon.com to help your wife to enjoy life, meet more non-JW friends, and keep her away from WTBTS meetings/conventions for less money; and/or read the Bible with her and help her to see how the Pharisees and Sadduces used BITE control techniques to control Jews without comparing their actions to the WTBTS.

    As you have learned discussing WTBTS doctrine will not work. She may awaken after the WTBTS strongly suggests that JWs pay monthly donations to help bring pioneers home (i.e., pay for legal damages from lawsuits like Candace Conti's lawsuit). She may also awaken when the WTBTS becomes much more controlling of JWs or a close JW friend is DF'ed for some petty reason.

    Choose wisely because your marriage may depend on it.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • stillin
    stillin

    Giro dank! Great idea. You can be as subtle, or not, as your spouse's awareness calls for.

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    Like Xanthippe I have no magical words of advice to give you. I fully agree with Hassan when he says that if a cult member is truly happy, then there isn't anything you can do/say to help them out. (Your situation is similar to mine)

    These ones usually only leave if they are victimized by the cult directly, its almost like you have to wait around for them to experience some sort of abuse at the hands of the cult, and you never know if its going to happen.

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