by Oubliette 57 Replies latest jw experiences
Nugget, I disagree that he should walk away. If he walks away he has a less than zero chance of having a family reconcilliation with his children.
I just can' t see you or cantleave taking your own advice if you were in the same situation and your children were involved.
I appreciate that you may not aware of my personal circumstances but we did walk away and left family and friends behind. Whilst it was painful it was also necessary for us to rebuild and give our family an authentic childhood and a real chance to have a better life. For us it is a decision I have never regreted.
The OP position is different in that they wish to return but the elders seem to have no desire to fufil that request. If they have family still in that they are close to then they may feel it is the only option. However depending on the reason for the DF'ing in the first place, reinstatement may take months or years. I genuinely am concerned that constant humiliation can have a damaging affect on a person's self esteem and mental health. Sometimes taking a break from the process to mentally regroup and restore balance can be helpful and healing.
The OP also asked what the elders behaviour says about the religion and my response is that for everyone it is better to walk away since the religion is toxic and causes harm.
Why would they do it?
Short answer: they are in love with their own power, and they don't give a shit that you are suffering.
They did the same to my son; first of all, no egregious sin, just went to them a second time to admit to something he didn't tell them the first time.
No repeat sin; just felt bad that he had held back.
Incredibly, they df'd him over it.
Then they dragged their feet for months when it came time to reinstate, missing appointments and not responding to letters.
He was devastated by their complete lack of compassion.
I admire your persistence in pursuing reinstatement for your family. It is something I would do if in your position but I know I would never get over having to grovel to the little tin soldiers that run the kingdom hall.
"The original JC still holds all the power over you."
One of the reasons it is such a broken system.
If one or more of the original elders has a grudge, doesn't like you or one of your relatives, count on the process being dragged out or even never being reinstated.
One of my good friend's daughter had this happen; she worked for reinstatement for a year. The original committee said no way, even though they never interviewed her.
She left, and never went back to the hall.
My friend later said maybe he should have spoken up for her to the elders.
Gee, ya think?
Yes Nugget, but not children. I don't see walking away as an option when it is the only way to have a relationship with your children.
The truly sad thing is that they are not children any more but young adults. Adults who will make choices that are right and wrong. Going back in to save them is a noble ambition and I can't blame the OP for trying but it is also incredibly hard to achieve. Anyone trying this strategy needs to be aware of their own mental well being as this is a stressful thing to attempt. Know your limits and know when you need to take a break.
Even so, they are his adult children in a cult. He wants back in to get them out. He has to try.
Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions.
I particularly appreciate the dialogue between Rip, Nugget and Cantleave.
I'll come back a bit later and respond more specifically to everyone.
But in the meantime, I again offer my thanks for the many, many comments!
