exJW Psychology 101--Keeping Your Cool While Fading (page 2)

RayPublisher

Great advice and example Billy. You've helped me several times over the last couple years with your posts.

thank you

You discovered on your own the power of "I" messages verses "you" messages that put others instantly on the defensive. For those who would like to learn more listening and talking techniques is a good book called, "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk". Very easy read.

Comatose

Billy, thank for the very helpful post. I'm going to be having some tough conversations this summer too. I appreciate the post here.

Sure wish I could get my publisher record card. :-)

DesirousOfChange

Will the BoE forget about that Congregation Publisher Record Card, or rip it up, ever?

Years ago, the direction from "heaven" was to keep the PRC for 8 years. Thus, an inactive publisher eventually attained that "man of the world" status.

Currently, I am told that they discard old PRC of active publishers after x years, BUT they never destroy the PRC that last had Field Service time posted. This is retained indefinitely now. IMO, this is so that anyone who becomes "trouble" can still be claimed as a "member" and can be DFd even after many, many years of inactivity.

Doc

ABibleStudent

Great post Billy the Ex-Bethelite! I wish that more people had your attitude. To bite my tongue, i try to keep focused on what my goals are and I like to create win-win situations instead of win-lose.

Best of wishes with your college studies, your future career, and successful fade.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Vidiot

Very good advice.

The last thing you want is for people to associate your exit from the WT with spittle-flecked ranting.

I realized that even before I started my fade.

Nathan Natas

If it wasn't for anger I wouldn't be in this game. My anger is seldom on public display, unless you count some of my posts here.

Anger is the nitromethane that fuels my XJW turbocharged funny car.

Koheleth might have added another verse; "There is a time for anger and a time for reconcilliation."

The legendary Jesus chased the money changers out of the temple. What mood do you think he was in at that moment?

Don't apologize for your anger, learn to USE it, Sith-like, to contribute to the desolation of the Brooklyn Abomination.

If only a handful of Bible Students had the chops to jump Rutherford in 1920 and drop his body into the East River, think of what a better world we'd be in today!

Phizzy

As to PRC's here in the U.K we have the right in law to make them disclose what they have on us, if we want, but there is no way to ensure they destroy records even if they are supposed to, short of breaking in to the K.H I suppose.

Thanks Billy, I too always had good control over my temper, but I also learned it is good to be "cool" and say little to JW's unless you are forced to, especially is it a waste of time with doctrine.

In the early days I used to show them their errors, thinking I would free them, noooo, they just fob it all off.

All I do now, on the very rare occasions I meet a JW, is slip in a small thing that sounds innocuous, but may make them think, for example, a sister was telling me she checked up in the Soc's literature as to whether a certain Blood Fraction she had been offered was deemed O.K,

I said "Where does it say any fractions are, or are not O.K, in the Bible ?" Cue Deer in Headlights look.

Wading in to the fray attacking their beliefs does not work, in fact little does, unless they are ready to discuss an aspect.

Keep it cool and friendly, that way you don't lose their listening ear completely.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Thanks for all the comments. I've been talking with some relatives that are fading and comparing notes as to why some of them are getting hassled more than others of us. So as many different observations as I can get are very helpful.

Regarding how long and where PRCs are kept, that varies. Some congregations have only kept 1 or 2 old cards, while other congregations have every card going back to clay tablets dated 607BCE.

TMS: Ah yes, the quivering voice. Thanks for reminding me of that. I'd get that in serve-us when I got nervous/excited/frustrated/angry sometimes at the door. I got it a few times in difficult conversations when I started my fade. But it just sort of went away. I think a friend of mine is still at this point. I'll talk to her about it.

SophieG: I think the increasing tyranny of WT Corp and the JW leaders make more and more of the sheeple feel like pawns that aren't really part of the game anymore. When you find something that they don't agree with, it's easier for them to recognize the bOrg as a third person.

Roberta804: Sounds like an interesting book. And when you look at the WT litteratrash and see how it's written at a 3rd grade level, most JWs are emotionally stuck as children, so the title is very appropriate.

Nathan: Perhaps I should clarify that I'm no shrinking violet. For example, I don't raise my voice or interrupt by parents, but I don't walk away from the conversation either. I stand my ground and continue to make more points until they walk away. I think that's why my mom doesn't bother to discuss the religion with me anymore. And similar in the last conversations I had with any of the elders--they were the ones that walked away. Oh and as far as "Judge" Boozerford, I wouldn't have argued with him, I would have laced his whiskey with strychnine, cyanide, arsenic, foxglove, jimson, and anything else I could think of. Fighting with the fool would have just made me a suspect in his suspicious death ;-)

Phizzy: It's hard to open a JW ear and get them to think. I'll start another thread about how I ask questions when JWs aren't allowed to ask questions.

flipper

BILLY- Very good thread . You have done a good job in showing your JW family that you are even more loving than perhaps you were as a JW ! I have tried to do this with my JW older parents in the last 10 years or so since I stopped attending and it seems to work pretty well. I've only lost my temper towards my dad one time in 10 years when he didn't allow my mom to come visit us because his inactive grandaughter my niece was living near us and might stop by occasionally. For that he would NOT let my mom come and visit. I blew a fuse and short circuited on THAT one. But other than that- your advice works really well as it shows our JW families that we are NOT raving lunatics once we exit the Witnesses. If anything- we are more " Christian " and sane than they are ! Peace out, mr. Flipper

exJW Psychology 101--Keeping Your Cool While Fading

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