Jdubs are fond of quoting Peter "Where are we to go Lord"... well the answer for me has been this forum for last couple of years which is really sad because I should be able to talk to my lifelong friends instead of faceless avatars. ( don't get me wrong this place has helped me through some really rough times mentally Kudos to Terry, Cedars,Slimboyfat, Blondie,JWFacts and many others.)
The shun gun has prevented me from making the move completely out of this cult I have given my life to. The utter disgust for all things WT is becoming unbearable at times. This is one of those times and JWN is the only place I can vent. (sorry for the rant in advance)
Can't talk to my JW best friend of 40 plus years or the many lifelong JW friends or even my wife who I love dearly and would lose if I was exposed. She is really the one who holds the key to my prison but she is 100% witness. ( I can't blame them, they are fellow victims and prisoners of this cult & still asleep)
You can't discuss this with anyone who has not had the JW life because there is no way for them to relate, they would just say "get the hell out" not realizing the tight controlls and the huge price that would have to be paid to get out.
My plan is to make the jump to complete inactivity using the "new light" about the FDS/GB BS in the July WT. on top of the already established overlapping gen. Crap, as my excuse and then out completely.
I know many on JWN would say, they made the exit I can too, but when I consider the price, loosing everything at the second half of my life I admit fear over takes me and I convince myself that the sacrifice of "faking it" is worth it, life is full of sacrifice.
What an ingenious prison the borg has put together, one must admire it's effectiveness while at the same time holding utter contempt for the architects.
I have become a closet Deist which has given me peace with all things related to revealed religion and it has made it easy to go through the motions of meetings and putting some numbers on a piece of paper to keep up the front, it's all BS anyway.
The big thing I come back is a quote from Thomas Paine (deist founding father)
" It is necessary for the happiness of man to be mentally faithful to himself, for infidelity does not consist in believing, it consist in professing to believe what he does not,"
At times something deep inside me says achieving the above is worth all the price I would pay, and at other times I beckon for the solace of the eternal dirt nap.
Thanks for the page time!
Kensho