I think that I could get my husband Df'd

by ingimar 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ingimar

  There are some things that I wish the local congregation knew about my husband but I am not sure how to inform them.

  My husband was a JW in a previous marriage but none of his family are JW's except for one half sister who he recently met for the first time. His ex wife is no longer a believer either and their three adult kids want nothing to do with the JW's.

  I met my husband 8 years ago on eharmony. I should have been leary when he stated his religion as "christian". I know now that a real christian would at least specify catholic or protestant.A couple of weeks into our relationship, he told me that he was a JW. I was shocked but ignorant of the religion so carried on. It didn't seem to affect anything because he was obviously inactive because he never went to meetings. I know now that I should have done more research but never saw the need to at the time. If he was a good JW! he would not have been looking for a wife on eharmony, right?

  We lived together for 3 years before we got married in 2008. All was great until last summer when we returned from visiting his long lost sister and her elder husband overseas. Like I mentioned, these two are the only JW's in his very large immediate and extended family. Also, none of his friends are JW so I was pretty confidant that he would never go back. Well shortly after we return, an elder starts showing up at our door repeatedly. My husband works out of town so for the first couple of months, I am able to tell him that I am not interested and send him away. Well this guy is a pest and he eventually catches my husband at home and in November my husband starts attending the Hall, I start researching and start freaking out. Yes, I know that is exactly how they tell him I will react.

  Shortly after he starts attending every second Sunday, I get diagnosed with a rare blood disease. Coincidence? I think not. I am not supposed to get stressed and this JW stuff is totally stressing me out as I see my husband becoming more involved with this cult. My husband can see how stressed I am and he knows that I am just about ready to leave so he announces that he can't stand to see me like this so he won't attend for a while. I am shocked but I thank him. He has not attended now for probably 6 weeks.

  The elder continues to drop by but now only when my husband's vehicle is in the driveway as he does not like talking to me! My husband just tells him that he is working or will be away. I hear thus because I open the window and listen.

  I would love for them to find out that we met online, we lived together for three years before we got married, he celebrates holidays with me and his family, not always willingly but his family and I force him to participate and he has a good time, he is not always working when he says he is and also that his worldly wife thinks nothing of trashing the JW's. I know that I have to control myself but I have a really hard time doing that. I am going to try harder though.

  My question is how can I make this pesty elder aware of all his faux pas? My husband would not be happy if I called him up and told him but I will if this marriage is going to fail.I still hold out hope though as I know that he loves me andcI love the non-cult him.
• 

  StAnn

  Wow. I don't think it's a good idea to "out" your husband if you want the marriage to work out. He's already been away from the Dubs for six weeks to please you. Just hope he stays away longer and don't make any moves until he does, IMO. Hope you are healthy again soon.
• 

  Hortensia

  I don't think getting him DF would have the effect you want. It might make him start going to meetings again, to get reinstated.

  I hope your health improves!
• 

  ingimar

  Yeah you are both right. I just wish that this elder would become aware of this stuff without me having to tell him. Perhaps he will drive by sometime after a meeting and see my husband's vehicle in the driveway.
• 

  Comatose

  Call the police on him the next time he comes by.
• 

  Listener

  Sorry to hear about your rare blood disease Ingamar.

  I agree, it is pointless to out your husband and is likely to lead to some damage. It is lovely that your husband has stopped attending for the time being and it gives you an idea of what he thinks is more important. Show your appreciation and hope that he keeps it up.

  You may be walking a fine line but you could ask him to stop this elder (or anyone else) from visiting. In the meantime use TTATT (the truth about the truth) so that he doesn't become fully brainwashed again.

  Some ex-jw's feel guilt for having left and are not 100% sure that the JWs are not the true religion, you need to concentrate on this aspect. An excellant book is Crisis of Conscience written by an ex Governing Body member and sheds a lot of light on the religion as well as removing that guilt feeling.
• 

  ingimar

  Thanks Listener. I have Crisis of Conscience in a pdf format but my husband would never consider reading it. He doesn't even know that I have it. I have also read both of Steven Hassan's books which are excellent and again, my husband doesn't know that I have them. He will not listen to TTATT....at all! He becomes very angry if I bring up anything anti JW. I hope that I have planted some seeds of doubt but I am not sure. I know there are some things that he does not believe in. One is the JW's stance on charities. My husband always donates to charities and also supports a foster child through world vision. I think that they are a bit of a scam too but I fully support him in this and tell him how generous he is and what a good thing he is doing. My husband also does not believe in shunning family members which doesn't affect him personally as he doesn't have family or friends in the organization.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi ingimar, What does your husband like to do when he is not working and is not a WTBTS activity? Talk to your husband and make plans for your husband to be too busy having fun with you and making new non-JW friends instead of going to meetings and out in FS. You can sign up to receive daily promotions at www.travelzoo.com and to receive coupons at www.groupon.com to go out and have fun for less money. Best of wishes for you and your husband.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  stillin

  Generally, if a witness has been on the wild for a while and begins to return "to the fold," he won't be DF'd for anything he has been doing while out. That's as close as the witnesses get to being like the father in the Prodigal Son parable.

  If they set the hook back into him this time around and he comes up with anything new it'll happen so fast his head will spin.

  hopefully he will manage his needs without jumping in with both feet.
• 

  *lost*

  Oh My ... DON'T do anything ever in haste that cannot ever be undone.

  It is not worth jeopardising your relationship and losing the one you love.

  There are more than one way to skin a cat.

  Use your medical condition, stress, and every other tactic against them, not your loved one. Stealth, slowly slowly catchee monkey.

  You need to be 'the victim' and play the victim card and use strategy to fight them.

  Write to the congregation, society, and tell them your family are being harassed in this very difficult period of your life,

  and the stress as a result is affecting your health.

  I would imagine that will put the breaks on them.

  good luck, have patience, be careful, be wise.