I have a friend who just got married by the courthouse. Her husband and her were to have a church wedding but the very day before the wedding she tells me he begins to behave in odd ways. First she sees he has strange marks on his back but he cannot explain how they got there. She said he basically lost his temper when she began to question and yelled at her. She asked him to apologyze for yelling but he accused her of doubting his fidelity and became cold and angry towards her. One thing led to another so after their long argument that day he decides to go the church and talk to the preacher who was to marry them the following day. He ends up canceling the wedding. I have no idea how to comfort my friend. The preacher told her unless they both come in for counseling, he can't talk to her alone. Basically her husband (since they had gone to the justice of the peace several weeks prior) cancels their wedding the day prior! I couldn't believe it. She basically told me they had a few other arguments but that he blew this one out of proportion. He also has teenage sons who live with their mother. They have never seen him drink beer which he does on occasion. She said once she asked what would happen if his sons found out he keeps a six pack of beer in fridge. That was another argument because he doesn't want his kids to know he drinks even thought it's not a bad thing in my opinion.
Now it looks like he wants to divorce her. She told me he hasn't spoken to her in a week and has only made a brief mention that he will get his things in the next few days from the house they were renting. I'm sad for her. Don't know what to make of it. She doesn't work and he said even though she is in college full time he will not pay alimony. I fear she may have to drop out of college to get a ful time job. Anything helpful will be much appreaciated.
I have a friend in a tough situation
by YoursChelbie 5 Replies latest jw friends
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YoursChelbie
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AudeSapere
I don't understand why she would want to stay married to this man. ??
-Aude.
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LoisLane looking for Superman
Yours Chelbie...(((((((((((hugs for you and your friend))))))))) And LoisLane thought she had heard everything.
Which continent - country are you in if you can share that openly? Don't say if it isn't comfortable for you.
Where I live, there are Emergency Women's Shelters that are prepared for what your friend is going through. They have hot line telephone numbers you can call. If your friend is too stressed, just call the Police and ask them for the number. The Shelters have secret hideaway group homes if your friend is afraid for her life or just needs a place for comfort, help and understanding, until she can get her life under control.
Depending where you live, the husband can say all he wants about alimony, but the Law was put there for a reason. If he has to pay, he has to pay, really nothing more to say.
As a full time student, I would think she needs to go talk to an Advisor at her College, and see what they can do for her.
Her predicament sounds overwhelming to deal with, but College Advisors and Emergency Women's Shelters and the Police have heard it all before.
I am sad and sorry for your friend. It is terrible to be lied to, abused and betrayed.
I am glad she has such a good friend in you. Sometimes with friends, words are not necessary. Just that they care.
Just Lois
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YoursChelbie
Thanks for your comments Aude and Lois. She lives in southern united states. Another sad part is when he decided to call off the wedding the day before the wedding, all of his relatives were arriving in town for the wedding. He took to spending all the following days with them, abandoning her and spreading every negative comment to them about her to support why he was calling off the wedding with such short notice. They pretty much took his side and view her in a negative light. Unlike him, she doesn't have family to turn to and is an only child, both parents are gone due to health issues. I'm wondering what she should do because she also has a school age child from a previous relationship. Why would a man do this and turn angry so suddenly. I met him a few times and always he appeared attentive and nice to her, it's like some sort of personality issue. The day of the wedding he supposedly even went to pick up his tux from the cleaners. So in that same day, this person's feeling about having a wedding went from day to night. How can someone change so suddenly? I'm at a loss and I feel for her. I know she is going thru depression and sadness. Not sure what to do or say to her.
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Gopher
Your friend expected rainbows, light and happiness from a person who can only deliver darkness. The man is all about appearances - as is shown by his being "attentive and nice" while you were present. He is incapable of having a realistic two-sided relationship. Your friend needs to see that - and if you cannot get through to her on this point, she will probably need counselling to straighten this all out in her head. Some people lacking self-esteem are gluttons for punishment in a relationship (as I know from my own early experience).
This man didn't "suddenly change". He only revealed his true colors.
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YoursChelbie
Thanks Gopher, you have a pm.