My daughter asked to be an unbaptized publisher. What do I do?

Indian Larry

Brief background:

I am a 3rd gen witness. Been faded for several years. I attend 2-3 meetings per year.
I have kept all my friends (at least the ones I wanted to keep)

My wife is a "true believer". Fading and all my issues with the BORG nearly cost me my marrage. We have settled in to a kind of mutual aggreement not to bother each other. I don't constantly bug her about all the things that are wrong with the WTBTS and she does not get mad at me for bugging her.

I have one child a daughter 15 yr. old. She is very intellegent. She is going to early college and is top ranked in her class. Last night she told me she wants to be an unbaptized publisher. I don't really know what to do.

I realize that this board has many members who no longer believe in the bible or religion at all. I am NOT one of those. I do still believe in God, I do believe in the bible. For those that don't that is your right and I support that, but I am looking for comments only from those that still believe in God. I am not looking for a bunch of snarky comments about Jehoba etc. etc.

I also do not have any problem with my daughter getting baptized. My problem is with her getting baptized as a Witness. I would much rather she simply get baptized as a Christian. That way she does not have to answer that second question re baptizm into an organization. I don't want her part of the BORG.

I don't want to flat out tell her that she can't. The reason for that is that she is a LOT like me, and I know that when I was that age if you told me not to do something that was a sure way to get me to do it. I have asked her to hold off until we can go over the baptism questions together.

I am looking for any good points I can bring out about the baptismal questions that she will be asked that will make her think. As I said before she is a very very intelligent person and does have a head on her shoulders. Unfortunatley, that has not been enough to overcome the pressure from the others at the hall. She has a lot of friends in the BORG, and most of them actually are nice kids. Well behaved, good kids who I don't mind her being friends with. However they do exert a type of peer pressure. Several of her friends are already baptized. The others are all unbaptized publishers. She is the last one that is not.

How can I get to her without pissing of my wife? What are the best points to focus on in the baptismal questions? Any other suggesstions? Also, as I have successfully pulled off a perfect fade with no repurcussions from the ORG, I am not looking to get myself in hot water. Not so much that I care what people thing about me, but I have elderly parents who will need me and I can't help them if I am DF'd. Also several of my closest friends are still full in the ORG. They know that I don't attend meetings but they don't let that bother them. We still do a lot of stuff socially and I would not want to lose that, so I am looking for a low profile way to reach my daughter.

Any ideas?

sir82

Emphasize that being an unbaptized publisher is a strong step toward baptism as a JW.

Make sure she understands the repercussions of what being a baptized JW are. "If you are baptized, and later discover that being a JW doesn't make you happy, every single JW you know, including mom, will be obligated to shun you." (of course stress that you would never do that)

Stress how that is really a huge, lifelong commitment - much more significant than being married. Is she ready for marriage today? No? Then think twice before starting down a path that leads to that lifelong commitment.

Sort of like the JW "no dating before you are ready for marriage" standard, but turned aginst the Org.

Then, no matter what decision she makes, just show her love & support. Emphasize that you would never shun her, no matter what choices she makes in the future.

lisaBObeesa

If it were me, I would make a deal that wife and daughter could do as they like AS LONG AS daughter does not get baptized until she is at least 21 years old, an ADULT.

Then I would use the time between now and then to plant seeds, model critical thinking and to encourage in every way all outside interests your daughter has. I would take them on fun vacations away from the witnesses. I would encourage the growth of your daughter's TRUE self. At 15, she is forming her identity. find out her non-jw interests and be interested in them and enourage them. Let her try everything she wants to try so that she can find her true self. In short, help her to be a normal teenager as much as possible.

I hope this all works out for you. I think the most important thing is to try to keep your daughter from getting baptized into the JW org as a teenager. Tell her she can decide such a huge thing when she is an adult.

If worst comes to worst, assure them both of your love, and pull the headship card on this one.

jgnat

Two problems, right? Three really. First of all she wants to be an unbaptized publisher. Second, you fear this is leading to baptism. Third, she's a willful teenager finding her own way.

I had a willful teenager. She visited a young man in jail because she felt sorry for him. I raised her with a strong sense of justice. The idea of those two together, well, it gave me chills. I did not stop her. I just told her that she owed him nothing and if it stopped feeling right, she could stop going. She eventually did. His creep index went too high. I suggest you do the same thing with the publishing. Suggest that she might find it boring and unproductive at some point, and she should not feel any guilt about dropping out if it no longer makes sense. Let her see it for what it is on her own.

The baptism thing, well, that's something else. Might you ask open questions about some of the baptism requirements? The hygiene one is hilarious. What's the biblical backing on that one?

I know you want your daughter to come to no harm and make no bad decisions, but she will be an adult soon and you will have no control over that. It is time to honor her independence of mind even if it leads her closer to the WTS. What you do want to instill is her freedom to choose.

Teenagers love freedom until they find out the cost.

Indian Larry

"If you are baptized, and later discover that being a JW doesn't make you happy, every single JW you know, including mom, will be obligated to shun you."

That is a good point. I will definately do that.

Stress how that is really a huge, lifelong commitment - much more significant than being married. Is she ready for marriage today? No? Then think twice before starting down a path that leads to that lifelong commitment.

Another point well taken.

I do have hopes for her as far as critical thinking. She will be getting (at least) a four year degree. Some of the classes she has to take are on critical thinking. I am hoping they will help.

JGNAT. She is not really willful so much as I just swept along with the social aspects of the KH.

alanv

When I was a teen I was a reg pioneer and a mini servant. I was told that college was a complete waste of time as this system was almost done. Everything I told the folks on the door about what God was about to do was untrue. Hundreds of hours talking to people and every word I said was false. She needs to research the organisation independantly from the org. She knows what they tell her but I doubt she has spoken or read anything by ex witnesses. If she is truly inteligent she will not fall for all the rubbish they tell her. I really hope she does not make that first step into being a publisher, if she does you could lose her to them.

jgnat

By willful as in independent, confident, and ready to take the world by the horns. I don't mean it in a derogatory way at all. I want every fifteen year old to be "willful".

DATA-DOG

Hang in there. My kid is the same. I have made it very clear that I will never lie to my child. That really builds trust, and I think it will pay off someday. I have been very specific, and said," I know a lot of kids talk of pioneering. If you don't want to, that is perfectly normal. No one should judge you. If someone treats you poorly because you don't want to pioneer, that is their problem."

I also showed her the Bible Teach paragraph about baptism, and how you are not dedicating yourself to an Organization. I plan to have her keep track of how often " Organization, Slave, FDS, GB " is mentioned at the upcoming DC. Then we will re-visit that chapter.

I also gave her an ESV Bible. I told her that it's easier to read than the NWT. I stressed how important it is to compare different versions. You have to ask thought provoking questions, and teach them to reason as well. I also told her that I am on the Blacklist at the KH for standing up for a principle, and she wasn't phased. I think right now she is just being a kid, and I am trying to help her have a childhood, and not be a Borg zombie.

So, I hope that one day the Org will be gone. If not, maybe if I get DF'd or fade, she will take note. I cannot force her to do anything, but I can give her all the info available as she is ready to receive it. Who knows, one day she may think of " Daddy " and how he was always fair, and never lied to her, and didn't pressure her to get baptized or pioneer? He didn't make her feel guilty for being herself, he just loved her. If she is ever in a dark place, or God forbid the Org is still around and she wants out, maybe she will remember all of our little conversations.

Yan Bibiyan

Jesus was in his thirties when he was baptized. We are talking Jesus. Does she think he waited for a reason? Then parallel with marriage, as others have suggested. Good luck!

Yan Bibiyan

jgnat:

Teenagers love freedom until they find out the cost.

My daughter asked to be an unbaptized publisher. What do I do?

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