Ive been reading thesr posts for a while, thinking on them, pondering as the WT has recommended over the years.
Having grown up as a Witness, and having been involved in both the boring and the more exciting parts of the ministry, I know what it is like to be part of a team, and more importantly , I know what its like to be a team player on Gods side. (?)
And then one day, things start to unravel, the marriage, the relationship with Bethel, the relationship with members in the congregations, and then, on another later day, suddenly you find yourself on the outside.
So, as time passes, a person begins to miss the association, the meetings, the laughter of the ministry groups, even the smell of the Kingdom Halls.....and effort is made to restore self to favour....and in time that too....comes to pass.
But here I am, a few years later, once more isolated, but this time by my own choice, beset by doubts and concerns over something that I held and hold sacred.
My circumstances have changed. I chose the path of marriage again, to a wonderful person that has filled my life with contentment without the pressures of having to be an elder or an example to others in the christian manner, for those that are or have been in positions of oversight, you will know what this means...and yes my wife is one raised as a Witness, and having her own journey that she may or may not choose to share with you...in any case, I feel priveleged to know her just for the decent human she is.
So, here I am, watching, reading, thinking....and I admit to being a little lost.
Firstly, 607, it may or may not be correct, frankly my dears...
the ever changing date of armaggeddon...well that would appear to be a previousness on the part of the leading lights...after a while it gets tedious and a little self defeating...
The meetings and requirements for field service...well as I see it, the Bible indicates it is a requirement to meet together, and furthermore a requirement to tell others about Jehovah....the application of the principles have become (almost law,) in order to belong to the organisation known as Jehovahs Witnesses...that is a minor problem, despite the best efforts from CO's and DO's from the platform, the unoffical stance is that if you aint cutting it.. you aint spiritual.
Now,where Im at in this stream of time, along with all the confusion about what is right and what is wrong, I have to just look for other confirmations that Jehovahs time is at hand...if indeed it is near at all.
Man is now developing life in vacuums, primitive cellular structures it may be, but the leaps of testing criteria has been enhanced by the use of computers to cut time...
Man has the ability (proven) to destroy earth.
Man is killing the Earth.
Now if I was the creator, and he once before destroyed civilisation when they built the tower of Babel, I would be thinking that soon they would know stuff they shouldnt know, and in any case, the earthdewellers are so dumb they WILL destroy themselves..Id better start big A..
My concern is,, that in the bigger picture..does it really matter if we get it so wrong, so many times and so quickly? It will happen, just perhaps not the way we understand...or when....
In the meantime, I will continue to look, watch and confirm using the only guide we have, the Bible as and when I can piece something together that makes any sense....but mainly I will keep away from arrogance, self righteousness and smugness....because what group I end up associating with, that will not be a trademark of the gathering.
So Im not angry anymore, my time was not wasted. I didnt get to do things that I wanted, I lived a long time in fear and in sadness....
and I felt I had failed Jehovah every day for 37 years...but I didnt..I failed the imposition that was placed on me by well meaning but love lacking understanding people.
Dont ask me for answers. I have NONE. But I will talk to you, I will try and be a fellow human and I will always listen and support you in whatever you want....but dont try and fool me...Im wiser now.
Jehovah will take care of the rest.
Edited by - Deacon on 1 February 2001 13:7:18