by nolongerconfused 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • nolongerconfused

    guys, I have faded about a 1 month ago...now 1 elder, who I consider a friend as a person and like a father is texting me...

    I don't hate the guy, I consider him my friend even though I don't believe what he believes...he's telling me he hasnt seen me at the meetings and he's worried...he asked me if I could go in service with him this weekend...I have not responded, I dont know what to say since I don't want to go through no judicial committee or something like that...nobody there knows I know TTABTT...any suggestions on how I should respond?


  • Think About It
    Think About It

    Look up some negative news articles about how the WTS is being forced to pay millions in judgements against them for protecting pedophiles. Then you can tell this elder that you have been stumbled by what the WTS has allowed to happen to the little children. The elder will not be able to defend that, or your righteous indignation against it. If he ask you how you found out about it, tell him a householder in field service mentioned it, and you told them it was a lie. After you looked it up and found out it was true, you were very embarrassed. This will get you a free pass as a stumbled, spiritually weak person, and you will soon be faded away.

  • Phizzy

    If you wish to accomplish a fade, rather than it coming to any kind of confrontation resulting in a DA or DF then you must be prepared to be "economical with the truth" as our British politicians call it.

    Reply that you are feeling unwell just now, but that you hope to go in the service with him, but you may not attend a meeting before then, you will text him to make arrangements, thank him for caring, say "you are a real friend".

    At the weekend fob him off some more. Now, will you attend the Meetings again ? just for "appearances" ? you don't say.

    if you are, then seek him out and tell him you have a form of depression which you are working on, you will keep in touch with him, and as soon as you feel well enough you will be out with him and back to all the meetings.

    If you don't plan to go to Meetings, then adapt that message.

    Fading is not easy, but remember, time is on your side, they cannot rush or force you, play the depressed card, even claim to be suicidal if you like, they will back off for a good while, then just tell them that you will contact them when you feel well enough.

    Most Elders and MS have limited stamina, fob 'em off long enough and they lose interest, the longer they leave you the more difficult it gets for them, not you.

    Good Luck !

    p.s this is complicated if you live in a household of JW's who know you are far from ill or depressed. If that is the case you may need to consult a doctor and fake it a bit.

  • Emery

    You don't have to do anything but assure him you're fine. I had this happen to me, I tell them I will contact them for service and that you have prior engagements you must tend to that weekend/day. Dismiss the request and thank them.


    That could work! Throw in the WWC Act that the WTBTS refused to comply with. Let me know if it works. It should, and you are not opposing the GB.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Tell him the heart is willing but the flesh is weak. Suggest that some things have been done that 'stumble' you - but tell him in no uncertain terms that you do not want to discuss it at the moment. Get some time between you and meeting attendance. Let them forget about you over time. If they make efforts to restore you - just tell them you need more time to heal over the stumbling blocks.

    I did not fade. I had to say what I knew. In my case it worked out pretty well since I have few family members in the cult. Some fade, others just leave. You have a chance to think it out, plan it if you like and then execute your plan.

    Good luck.


  • gingerbread

    If you are into your fade for a month now, you're just beginning.

    Ask yourself: Do I want to go through intense question and answer sessions with the elder(s)?. Do I have friends and family that are still active and I don't want to risk having them being told not the associate with me? Would it be better to fade quietly rather than go cold turkey? Should I just miss a few and make a few meetings for the next few months? Should I just turn in an hour or two of service time for the next few months? Would this be best approach for the time being?

    If you just "disappear" you will set off all the alarms! Most elders (and family & friends) will assume the worst, ask questions to get to the root of "your problem" and will either attempt to "readjust" your thinking or mark you as questionalble, bad association and/or dangerous to the congregation.

    Fade smart!

  • LostGeneration

    First off, don't consider him a friend any longer. His loyalty will always be to the b0rg first and foremost, and you will be shoved under the bus at a moments notice if he thinks you are an apostate.

    I'd personally avoid bringing up anything like Conti or child abuse, (assuming you are looking to fade and not be DFd). Facts don't matter to elders.

    Let me repeat that: FACTS DON'T MATTER TO ELDERS.

    If they did, you could simply walk in with a binder of old WT articles outlining their flip flops, the elders would say "That's interesting!" and let you walk out the door. But we all know it leads down the road to "Have you been reading apostate information?" and their real money shot "Do you think this is God's org?" Unless you are willing to be DFd, you don't even want to walk down this road.

    I'd side with Emery on how to handle. Take back your life, no reasons or explanations are necessary if you ball up and tell them to shove it -nicely of course...

  • nolongerconfused

    I have stopped preaching as well...I'm not going to respond and let them use their imagination...

  • RayPublisher

    Good for you bro- hang in there and stay the course. Lots of us here to help if you need it!

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