Can some good come from abuse?

by NoRegrets 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Abuse is never good, especially for the victims and for those who look on with dusgust.

    But abuse can help some people realize how bad things are and that they need to make a choice to stay or to leave. It always boils down to the choices we make. I could have chosen to maintain a relationship with my JW mother or husband or religion. I believed, as most victims do, that there was no choice.

    One day I was talking to a friend and he said: "Not making a choice IS a choice". Wow! I had to sit with that for almost a week before I realized I didn't like the choice of not choosing. Sitting on the fence is a hard place to be. I waited until it was a life or death choice for me. And I didn't want to be dead so I left.

    I think abuse forces the hand that would otherwise remain still, content with the status quo.

  • LisaRose

    I don't think I would have left the religion if my life had not been so difficult, and yes I am stronger because of it. On the other hand, the stress of it caused me to develop fibromyalgia, which I will have to deal with the rest of my life.

  • Tater-T

    abuse is NEVER GOOD !!

    those of you saying ..'I wouldn't have woke up without it" ... If it wasn't abusive there's nothing to wake up from..

    when I first started researching CULT.. it was refered to as spiritual abuse..

  • NoRegrets

    Good points everyone. And I am sorry for the title of this thread. Abuse is never good! But some of the side effects can be somewhat positive. Sorry to any I appeared insensitive to. NR

  • Tater-T
    But some of the side effects can be somewhat positive.

    name 1..



    Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
    The improper use of something.
    verb. revile - misuse - insult - vituperate - scold
    noun. misuse - insult - vituperation - invective
  • fakesmile

    i have the experience of physical and verbal abuse along with the opposite... being invisible, no attention. maybe that is why i have tough skin. however sexual abuse falls into another catagory, i would think. especially for a female. so i say, neglect and threats were positive for my situation. i dont have a criminal record and i could care less about acceptance by peers. but my experience does not reflect on what some others have endured. shout out to blondie. BTW. i have no sexual abuse experience. i would have turned brother pedo into a eunich.

  • NoRegrets

    I think you are definitely right to seperate sexual abuse. I, do, know a couple of exJWs who were sexually abused within their marriage and it did help get them out. But at such a high price! As far as the adult/child sexual abuse, I don't even know where to begin. It damages you so much that one might venture the opinion that to be not abused in that way and a lifelong JW would be better. I can only empathize on that one. My MIL was abused horrificly by her own father and it drove her deeper into the org. Even after knowing that he was covered up for by JCs ran by family members, she always blamed the people not the group. I am very sorry to anyone I might have offended with this topic. I, myself, was physically and especially verbally abused all through growing up by my father. He may have contributed to my leaving by acting that way later in life and my realizing that I didn't have to put up with him being that way. But, I certainly don't feel any gratitude for the emotional wreck it has made me at times, and the burden I feel at least in some way every single day. However, I do recognize some of the coping skills it gave me that helped me learn how to handle people well among other things. I also recognize some of the skills I acquired as a JW (public speaking, communicating well with strangers, etc.). But I sure wouldn't have paid for the classes....... NR

  • mamochan13

    I don't think it's "good". But it's perhaps a form of growth and development that some can turn into a strength. Not everyone can do it, tho.

    I guess you could ask the bigger question. How can we truly appreciate the good things in life if we don't know about/experience the bad?

  • NoRegrets

    Well put Mamochan. To quote my bible, The Simpsons, "My English, is, how you say, inelegant". NR

  • blondie

    That's like saying you learn how to appreicate your arm by cutting it off.

    Blondie (abuse survivor)

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