otwo and others are correct. Most elders have nothing of value to say to those in need. No fault of their own, they simply do not have the necessary tools to provide sound advice. You and your wife could probably be of more help to them than the elders, simply by being good friends, listening, and helping to find whatever resources they may need to help them during their time of duress. All the best to you and them. It also may help them see the lack of love in the WT!
Dilemna on shepherding
The elders are doing nothing because there is nothing they can do.
When elders visit the weak its to try to get them into service, when elders visit the strong it's for a coffee.
Your wife can do more than elders ever will. That may well wake her up more than anything.
By letting the Elders continue to handle it their way, and by you and your wife stepping in to fill the void, I think that may help the friend see the futility of the Elders and the true support of regular friends.