Back in the fold

by mariu 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • mariu

    A few months ago, one of my best friends from uni times told me that his girlfriend of something like 20 years was leaving him. Why? She can't live with a non-believer...she wants to be a baptised JW.

    I couldn't believe this crap is happening again.

    Turns out she grew up in a JW family, but parents separated when she was about 8 years or so. Mum left the cult, Dad emigrated with the older kids overseas, leaving behind a huge tax debt he never paid off and never paying anything for his daughter who stayed with Mum. Today he's a spirited-appointed elder of course, married with a True Believer(tm), and doing extremely well financially with his own company.

    Now, after a very long time of no contact at all, the family briefly reunited for a funeral.

    All of a sudden, she wants her lost family back, suddenly refuses to have any contact with her "apostate" mother (calling the stepmother she never met until recently her "real mum"!) and is becoming the most fervent JW you could possibly imagine. It's like something went "click" in her head. Dropped out of studying for a science degree and now "debunks" evolution at the slightest provocation. Used to arrange parties for anything from Christmas to Halloween, now tells anyone in sight how Christmas is a pagan ritual she doesn't even want to hear about. Used to be interested in sports, going to the movies, whatever, now spends all her time "studying", going to meetings, and knocking on doors.

    I'm glad my friend has now found someone else and it seems to work out fine. But I'm still struggling to understand how quickly someone can change from Jekyll to Hyde...sure, it was probably always somewhere in the back of her mind...but it's spooky anyway.

    After my own experience with this bizarre cult more than 10 years ago, I thought it wouldn't enter my life again...but there you go. Fortunately, I'm a little wiser today, so I'm definitely not trying to talk her out of it and will just leave her alone. After all, we're all grown ups and entitled to making idiotic choices in life.

    (BTW, I was registered on JWD back then, no idea what my username was...but I still fondly remember some of the great people active in the day, like the crazy Norwegians JanH and Kent, and of course Farkel...)


    Welcome back!

    Sad story. Maybe she missed being part of a bigger family. Easy to get swept up if you're love bombed. No doubt the cult indroctrination up until she was 8 years old came into play - that's why they emphasise teaching them young.


  • jgnat

    Very sorry to hear that. I wonder if she might "snap out" of it just as suddenly, once reality hits home. My experience is that an irresponsible parent can't keep up the pretence forever. At some point this "dad" is going to deeply disappoint.

    If she does come to her senses, tail between her legs, she is going to need friends who will understand.

  • tec

    My thinking is along the same line as jgnat's on this.

    Sometimes you have to be in something, and experience all that it has to offer (or take away), to learn the truth about it.



  • mariu

    I guess you're right - it's pretty obvious she has a strong desire to be in something, and that something has to be well defined and clear and simple. Plus, the whole idea of getting back the family you never quite had...even if that family is still on another continent.

    I'm also thinking that she might just snap out some time because the high expectations just won't be fulfilled, and there's just too much cognitive dissonance to overcome. We'll see.

    Thanks for your thoughts!

  • Chariklo

    It sounds to me as if she might be having a nervous breakdown.

    But oh! The account of her current activities reminds me all too painfully of myself in that very brief but intense period of my life...just a few months, when all's said and done...when I too was being the most diligent JW I couldossibly be.

    It also sounds as if the father took advantage of the funeral, depending perhaps on her relationship with the deceased. People are especially vulnerable at times of bereavement.

  • Satanus

    Good riddence to her. A lot of people have the depth of a bug. In this case, it's for the manipulative side of her family. Being that it is family, is slightly redemptive. But really, a lot of people behave the way they think they need to behave to fit into the society that they are in. It makes sense, in a way: it gets you jobs, acceptance, friends, sex, fun, booze, dope. If you act differently than those around you, in most places, you have a harder time. If you travel around and spend time in different cities, you can see this adaptation in action.


  • whathappened

    Back when we were all still in, we would have used his experience to prove how Jehovah calls right hearted people into the organization.

    Arent we glad we can see this as it truly is?

  • whathappened

    Back when we were all still in, we would have used his experience to prove how Jehovah calls right hearted people into the organization.

    Arent we glad we can see this as it truly is?

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    That programing is strong.

    I was going to make a similar post I just found out a guy I grew up with and who for most of his adult life was either DF'd or just plain not going has returned to the hall and is giving talks.

    This guy was not even able to attend his own fathers funneral but now he is all in on jahs earthly chariot.

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