Where do I start. My wife is a "closet alcoholic". I found out a month ago that she was lying to me since the day we met, almost 7 years ago. She finally come out and said "I have a problem" and she was half blitzzed when she said this.
I work nights(2nd shift) and she works days(1st shift). I have the kids during the day and she has them at night. She can easily hide this from me now. When I found out about her problem, her JW mother found out also. Her mother gives Jehovah all the glory for telling me about her problem. She says it has nothing to do with me, even though it was I who caught her in a big lie about going to work that day, just to find out she never did(long story).
I made threats for divorce. Then I recanted those threats and told her I would give her a chance under a few guidlines. First, quit drinking, Second, quit lying to me, Third, get professional help, Fourth, hand over her paychecks to me, Fifth, talk to me anytime about anything. Well, in the first week she broke all those "rules". She drank, lied to me about it, said she didn't need help, cashed her first paycheck from work and never said a word to me. So, I revised once again my rules. First, don't drink but if you do, tell me. Second, get help, I will go with you if needed. If not, then divorce.
As far as I know it lasted 5 days. I came home early from work one night and saw a cup on the end table. She did not know I saw the cup. I took my time and started kissing on her, at the same time I reached behind her and stuck my finger in the cup, got up and walked away. I smelled alcohol. She then came into the kitchen with me and I asked her to her face, "Babe, you know you can talk to me no matter what it is, even if you have been drinking, and I will try to understand and work with you. Have you been tempted to buy, tempted to drink, have you bought or have you drank any alcohol recently?" "NO" "Well then, what's that?" She walks away and ignores me. Nothing more said that night.
I caught her a few more times since. I finally got her to go to a meeting with a shrink. Everything was great after that, I thought. I had her put on the calender how many days "dry" she had been. She very reluctantly did this. She got up to 14 then quit. She says she is fine now and no drinking. She says she does not need to keep track because she knows how long it has been. Funny, some nights I come home and smell alcohol the second I walk through the door. I asked her about this, now she burns candles almost every night.
We are looking at buying a house this year. I am confused on what to do. TODAY, I found two empty out of a six pack hidden in the kids arts and crafts box. Before she would hide them in the kids' desk, behind it was a cubby hole.
Its not so much the drinking that bothers me, but the lying that does. I quit drinking about 9 months ago because everytime I went to get a beer or a drink, even after we just bought a 6 or 12 pack, they would all be gone. She agreed to not have alcohol in the house after that but insisted to her family that I was "Controlling".
I have nowhere to go. My closest family lives 2200 miles away. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Apostate Man