New year, new outlook

by MsD 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • MsD

    Hi guys, I'm new here. Been a lurker for a long time. My back story is that I've been studying on and off with JW since 2003. I know it may seem strange but I guess is possible. I've recently decided to cease studying. Its certainly been a long road for me to get to this decision but I believe it is for the best. I made many friends within the organization and it has been difficult to let go of those relationships but I need to look out for myself and my family.

    I'm a female from the Northeast US, early 30's, married to a non believer (thank goodness) and have children. Just recently my study partner, whom I've also known since 2003 revealed that her and husband were separating. She had to discontinue studying with me and let one of the other friends take over. It is at that point I decided to stop studying. I started doing more and more research on the blood issue, 1914, 144,000. These are doctrines I struggled to accept and I expressed my concern about this. No matter how many hours I spent on researching I still could not accept but nevertheless I continued studying. I guess the friends I made truly believed that I'd eventually get baptized. But in the back of my mind I knew I could never go through with it. I thought to myself how could I ever go door to door and preach doctrines that I believe is not the truth?! There are things I believe JW's got right but that certainly wasn't enough for me to dedicate myself to this organization.

    At this point I don't know what to believe. I still am a big believer of the bible but I have doubts. What they are? it's hard to really put into words. I guess what I'm looking for is support, friendship, knowledge from those who've been there. I may not have been baptized but for a long time I really felt like a witness with my behavior, thoughts, associations, etc. I want to start this new year fresh and with a whole new outlook on life and God. I know it's going to be another long journey but I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. Thanks for reading :)

  • designs

    Sounds like you are doing all of the right things and you have a loving family. All the best.

  • wasblind

    Welcome, I also studied, and became an unbaptised publisher

    like you my ole man didn't buy into it

    There are wrong things they teach that can't be hid under the cloak

    of religion, And the WTS has to many to list

    This religion takes the joy out of livin'.

    The happiest people on earth are the folks who have stock

    in the drug companies. Without Jehovah's witnesses they'd be outta business


  • finally awake
    finally awake


  • perfect1

    I am so happy for you that you saved yourself and your family a lot of heartache by not getting baptized! Congratulations on moving ahead with your life!

  • moshe
    At this point I don't know what to believe.

    Don't buy into any religion that goes door to door or uses TV and the Internet to obtain converts (and donations). You have given so much of your time to the KH already- you need to make that up to your family. Devote yourself to home , hearth and family. Just forget about finding the perfect religion- it doesn't exist.

  • jgnat

    I'll make a suggestion, take it or leave it. I think you liked the bible study part. Why not replace the old activity with a more comprehensive bible study? Your conclusions may come out different than mine, but you at least will have some new skills under your belt. Here's some suggestions.

    1. Pick one book of the bible.
    2. Read up on the context of the book in time, place, and culture
    3. Read what modern scholars are saying about the book

    Make notes of your thoughts and discoveries as you go.

    I'll do an example:

    Gospel of Mark

    First Century Context

  • MsD

    I can agree with the fact that there is no perfect religion. My husband tells me this all the time (he was raised Catholic) At first I used to feel discouraged hearing him say that but slowly I've come to terms with it.

    I will take your advice Jgnat. I've been wanting to do that for a while but haven't really set the time aside to jump right into it. For now, I am focusing on my family, our future and what exactly I'm going to teach my children. My husband has his own set of beliefs, which leans more towards being agnostic but he still holds on to his Christian roots. I still consider myself a Christian but at times question that. I've certainly dedicated so much of my time and energy to the JW belief that at this point I'm sort of exhausted by religion.

  • jgnat

    99.9% of what children learn is from your example. As you model integrity, kindness, charity, they will follow.

  • Ding

    Welcome, MsD!

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    To access PMs, click on the little envelope in the upper right corner of the screen.

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