Hi guys, I'm new here. Been a lurker for a long time. My back story is that I've been studying on and off with JW since 2003. I know it may seem strange but I guess is possible. I've recently decided to cease studying. Its certainly been a long road for me to get to this decision but I believe it is for the best. I made many friends within the organization and it has been difficult to let go of those relationships but I need to look out for myself and my family.
I'm a female from the Northeast US, early 30's, married to a non believer (thank goodness) and have children. Just recently my study partner, whom I've also known since 2003 revealed that her and husband were separating. She had to discontinue studying with me and let one of the other friends take over. It is at that point I decided to stop studying. I started doing more and more research on the blood issue, 1914, 144,000. These are doctrines I struggled to accept and I expressed my concern about this. No matter how many hours I spent on researching I still could not accept but nevertheless I continued studying. I guess the friends I made truly believed that I'd eventually get baptized. But in the back of my mind I knew I could never go through with it. I thought to myself how could I ever go door to door and preach doctrines that I believe is not the truth?! There are things I believe JW's got right but that certainly wasn't enough for me to dedicate myself to this organization.
At this point I don't know what to believe. I still am a big believer of the bible but I have doubts. What they are? it's hard to really put into words. I guess what I'm looking for is support, friendship, knowledge from those who've been there. I may not have been baptized but for a long time I really felt like a witness with my behavior, thoughts, associations, etc. I want to start this new year fresh and with a whole new outlook on life and God. I know it's going to be another long journey but I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. Thanks for reading :)