Small Victories!

by emperorslaundrist 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • emperorslaundrist

    My husband's cult personality has relaxed since he's been seeing me go out in service and underline my watchtower, so yesterday it felt right to nudge him just a little more. Here's how it went:

    "You know, I normally love the watchtower articles but the one I'm studying for tomorrow is just crazy. I'm beginning to think that there's a narcissist somewhere in the writing department. The last few articles were great, but then I read one like this and I can't help but think somebody up there is a little touched in the head"

    Since that's piqued his curiosity I read him the first paragraph of today's study article:

    GENERALLY, true Christians do not have to make sworn oaths. This is because they obey Jesus, who said: “Just let your word Yes mean Yes.” He meant that a person should keep his word. Jesus prefaced that command by saying: “Do not swear at all.” He said this in condemnation of the casual habit that many people have in their daily conversation of repeatedly swearing to this or to that, without ever intending to do what they say. By going “in excess” of a simple Yes or No to state their intentions, such people may reveal that they are really untrustworthy and thus under the influence of “the wicked one.”—Read Matthew 5:33-37.

    He says "I can totally see brother_____ saying something like this, especially that last sentence."

    I summarize the flow of the magazine and then read this part in par 11:

    a person who is false to agreements is among those who are "deserving of death"

    He really looked shock when I read that part to him. We talked about what the mean people in the hall would do with something like this.

    Then I read paragraph 15:

    Proving true to our dedication vow means that we must also be faithful in other important matters. For example: Are you married? Then continue to honor the precious vow you made to love and cherish your marriage mate. Have you signed a business contract or filled out an application form for theocratic privileges? Then be true to your commitments and to what you have promised. Have you accepted an invitation to a meal by someone of humble means? Then do not cancel it if a seemingly better invitation is made by someone else. Or have you promised someone you met in the house-to-house ministry that you would call again to give that person further spiritual help? Then by all means let your Yes mean Yes, and Jehovah will bless your ministry.—Read Luke 16:10.

    "Everything in this paragraph is true, but if you read it all once, doesn't it get give the impression that not returning on a call is equivalent to adultery?"

    He said "yeah, it's like this article is giving all sins equal weight. Jehovah's not like that, I don't think he does that in the bible."

    "Can you imagine if Jeremiah told people God was going to destroy them not just for defrauding the poor and spiritism but also the fringes on their garments weren't blue enough?"

    "It makes Jehovah sound like he's petty"

    Then I read paragraph 16:

    The Bible states that as imperfect humans, “we all stumble many times,” especially in the use of our tongue. (Jas. 3:2) What should we do upon realizing that we have failed to keep our word? In God’s Law to Israel, there was a merciful provision for someone who was guilty of “speaking thoughtlessly with his lips.” (Lev. 5:4-7, 11) There is also a loving provision for Christians who commit such a sin. If we confess the specific sin to Jehovah, he will mercifully forgive us through the office of our High Priest, Jesus Christ. (1 John 2:1, 2) To remain in God’s favor, however, we must show fruits that befit repentance by not making a practice of such sins and by doing our best to make amends for any harm done by our thoughtless speech. (Prov. 6:2, 3) Of course, it is far better to think carefully before making promises that we are unable to fulfill.—Read Ecclesiastes 5:2.

    I said "This one hurts my heart. It's all true, but the places where it puts it's emphasis is like saying 'Jesus did die for us but you'd better not rely on it'. Couldn't a person make the argument that the sinner who we're supposed to forgive 77 times made a "practice of such sins"? Is the ransom stronger or is the mosaic law in paragraph 11 stronger?"

    Then I talked about 'Our most important yes' baptism (par 13).
    "I was thinking about vows, and you remember _____ I was studying with in HS? She was worried about her vow to her church. Some people coming in have vows to the military and vows to political parties. If it was simply a matter of the sacredness of promises it would be wrong to force these people to violate those oaths by becoming Jehovah's Witnesses. I thought about war criminals. Could you imagine anyone at the Nuremberg trials saying 'Well, I had taken this oath as an SS officer to obey my commanders and the fuhrer, that's why I had to brutally murder people'? No. So then morality, justice, love, the commandment of God triumphs over any kind of oath or vow a person can make. I hope it never ever happens, but I should let you know that if I have to choose between obeying my baptism vows and obeying a higher moral principals, I will choose to disobey my oath.

    "If you do that I'll be right there with you, I would go into the elders room and take full responsibility if something like that were to happen"

    "Thank you, and thank you for letting me get this off my chest. In the past, reading an article like this I would have felt so terrible about myself, like Jehovah hated me. I used to view these articles like they were sacred."

    He says "That's not your fault, they encourage people to view them that way, I'm so glad you don't get depressed anymore like you used to."

    "Me too, in a strange way it's like Jehovah has led me to these conclusions"

    "You know I always used to think that if I weren't a witness I'd be a Buddhist."

    "haha I could totally see that"

    There was a long and peaceful pause, then his eyes glazed over and he started defending the wts. I let let him talk, agreed with him and fell asleep.

    Then this morning he said "What do you think of missing the meeting today and going to do something fun?."

    :D I'm so happy. Little by little the cult persona is weakening. Maybe someday we will walk out of this together. Merry Christmas everyone :) :) :)

  • Honeybucket

    you go girl...

  • mercedes_29

    Great job! I could never be that subtle or patient, but I'm so glad that things are looking up for you.

  • QueenWitch

    what study article was this? this can so be applied to baptism. You realize that you can't keep the vow of being associated with JW. according to this article, God says "ok, no worries, you're imperfect." Being a 16 yr old single mom, I'm sure I didn't think about promises that I was unable to fulfill.

  • Listener

    You've found a great secret here in how to deal with a partner and I thank you for sharing it.

    Instead of being critical and sour you explain the love and kindness that God shows and this is how he works which is far different to the way the wtbts explains it.

    You have high moral principles and by demonstrating this to your husband he is not scared off but willing to listen, open up and be a source of support to you.

    You have put a smile on my face today and I think you have the secret to a happy marriage.

  • BabaYaga


  • emperorslaundrist

    Hi, thank you for all the supportive comments. :)

    This cult has the minds of almost all of our family members and both of us were born-in. So, I'm proceeding cautiously until I can see a clear course of action. I may have been born into this religion but i'll be damned if i die in it, or give up my husband to it without a fight.

    this was the Oct 2012 Study Edition "Let Your Yes mean Yes"
    good point

  • WinstonSmith

    Hey there EmperorsLaundrist, what a great post, full of good news!

    This method of biding your time, slipping in some thought provoking questions, then leaving it alone for a while is exactly how I got Mrs Smith to wake up. Keep up the great work because you never know what affect it is having. Unbeknownst to me in the period where I was biding my time, Mrs Smith was researching what I had said to, out of love and concern, pull me back on the JW course. When she found out that what I was saying (transplants, 144,000 etc) was correct, the cracks began to appear. Now we are working side by side to slink our way out and hopefully help some friends and family on the way.

    Hang in there, stick to it, and let patience be your master. This is a battle that will be won in inches. We're all cheering for you :-)

  • Jeffro
    "It makes Jehovah sound like he's petty"

    Well duh. Most capricious fictional character ever. Reading the Bible is enough to establish that. Especially anything attributed to Moses.

  • irondork

    That's awesome. Very skillful. It might take several sessions like that before hubby wakes up so keep at it.

    You said: ... but I should let you know that if I have to choose between obeying my baptism vows and obeying a higher moral principals, I will choose to disobey my oath.

    Unless you're referring to the part where the WTS asks: Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in association with God’s spirit-directed organization?, (in essence, usurping the position of the holy spirit so that your baptism, although appearing to be a dedication to God, is actually turned into a contract with the Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society book publishing corporation), waking up to the Truth About the Truth (TTATT) does not constitute a violation of your baptism vows. On the contrary! Waking up to the reality of the situation you are in an then acting on it, is precisely the definition of living up to your baptism vows - unless you consider your vow to the corporation as being the fulfilment of "in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit."

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