Count me in (PTSD)
Anxiety Attacks At Meetings
by EmptyInside 28 Replies latest jw friends
i too had anxiety attack (but not related to attending meetings). The sympton is greatly reduced after i take my medicine regulary
Me too! Your body will tell you something's wrong when your mind refuses to. Since I've left (this year's memorial was my last meeting) I've seen that it's common for,other leavers to have had the same symptoms I did.
Even now, thinking about it gets my anxiety up. Takes time to recover I gather, but hey, we have each other.
With me it was when the song was introduced. That was my q to start sweating until it ran into my eyes. In the end, I tried to avoid the songs. I begged to do anything to keep my mind off it. I borrowed babies, pretended I was on my mobile, I even pretended it was my turn on attendants just to get out of singing the songs. One time I even put roll on deoderant all over my face thinking it would make me look normal, or even give me confidence to BE normal. It didnt, it ended up a sticky mess. Arse emblies were the worst. After every song I had to try and calm myself down. It was very tiring. And all this even though I love karaoke!
Now I believe it was because the song was the start of the "leave your brain behind folks" time. It was my body rebelling against the brainwashing that was to follow. Now? Not a peep from the old sweat glands.
This really brings back memories! Earliest, I remember drifting off into waking dreams through all meetings. I used to even plan what to think about as a way to block my mind, I would also breathe slowly & deeply. Many years later I realised I was actually putting myself into a trance during meetings.
Later, meetings made me sick with misery. The feeling that I was just wasting away, dying inside. It was horrendous. One time I burst into tears 20 mins or so before I was due to give a talk. I had to make up some b*ll sh*t excuse about being ill, but, really, I just couldn't bear the thought of having to get up on stage. I felt like the words would choke in my throat.
It's such a lonely feeling. There's no one to talk to when you feel like that - not pre Internet anyway, everyone else seemed so happy.
It's why I had to make the decision to stop going altogether. I was having anxiety attacks for two days before a meeting, my nerves were on edge, half my week was ruined because of feeling so anxious. I couldn't fake it any more, my last meeting was two weeks ago. I feel so much better already.
fresh prince of ohio
I never really had that issue at the klingon hell meetings, but I do I remember sitting at a circuit assembly sometime in 2001 and experiencing this. I was looking around at all those people that I didn't know, some of them I had seen before, some I hadn't, studying their faces (by this time in my JW tenure, the talks and demonstrations and whatever else that was going on on the stage held no interest to me), and i just experienced this hollowness of feeling that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before or have since. I mustered what little strength i could in my legs, and walked out of there, barely able to make my numb legs move. Somehow I managed to recover from it on the walk through the parking lot and the drive home. I never went back to that Assembly Hall, the very thought of that place makes me shudder to this day!
if you ladies think you had it hard--what about us guys---can you begin to imagine what its like giving a public talk---or a talk at an assembly---?? you just have to switch your mind off and just talk on auto-pilot.
and--as for the praying out loud--from the platform--??? high up there in the vomit-inducing stakes.
Anxiety Attacks was part of my life the whole time I was in the cult. As a guy giving talks, taking the lead in field service and on and on. As the years went by I got sicker and sicker. Nothing stop it except when I finally left. I still have what I call minor anxiety but not the full blown anxiety attacks I use to have. As a born-in the abuse I went through in the cult has taken its toll. Totally ADD