Fading in another country

by sillygirl2013 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • sillygirl2013

    This is my first topic here, I'm a bit nervous and hope no police-y JW elder/ms is trolling this site looking for faders. Paranoia I hope, not anything close to reality :-)

    So I've been away from my country for a year now, working in this fantastic country in Europe. Been having doubts for a couple of years, and have attended literally two meetings since I moved here in almost a whole year. I want to fade, but it will kill the family the family if I was found out. Dad's an elder and mum wouldn't bear it.

    So I've been putting my measly hours through every month (Such a lie!) to the cong in my original country as my PB card's still there. Elders send me an email now and then telling me I should request local cong to request them to send it here, and I say I'm doing a lot of travelling with the job but will eventually settle and have it done.

    The PB card is my biggest problem here, because its held at the cong where my family lives. If I stop reporting, everyone's going to know I'm now inactive. I hope it's not a stupid question but has anyone been in a similar situation and gotten their card out of the borg? I've thought of a fake elder/cong requesting for it but I'm sure that'll be hard to pull off. Any ideas?

    Such a stress this is,

    Thanks so very much for your advice


  • Skbj

    I did it overseas too :D Sooooo Cool!!

    Get your card sent from your home country to the congregation in the country where you are. Then you could change congregation in the new country, another time, like 6 months down the line, which is what I did....oh before my card found its way to the right place was so long...took my family 7 years to get me to "resign".

    Anyhow fading abroad it's the best. Sounds like the title of a reality show lol. Fading abroad. I think is part of the reason I suffered very little PTSD after leaving.

  • sillygirl2013

    Congratulations on doing it Skbj, and thanks for the response. I hope to get to where you are soon :-)

    It's just so difficult making it to the meetings isn't it. Now that nobody knows its so easy to stay in on a Sunday morning. If they can have it all done quickly, it would be so much easier. (No investigating on where I've been for a year and stuff like that)

    You're so right, fading abroad is the best. Just have to make sure you say the right things about convention and assembly topics/ timings and the like, when you're asked :-O

  • flipper

    SILLYGIRL_ Welcome to the board friend ! Nice to have you here. Yeah, fading can be a drag when you have JW family still inside. But the fact that you live in an area away from your family is a feather in your hat. An ace in the hole so to speak. If I was in your situation I'd just keep saying ( if anybody asks ) what you've been saying that you're really busy and just haven't had time due to your work. There is no reason to raise any alarms with your parents right now, in my opinion. In time they may find out but let it take it's course in time.

    When I stopped attending cold turkey in 2003 I moved to another area like you and never attended again so where I live now I've never attended meetings here . Faded right off the map. So I've never bothered getting any publishers record card changed. I feel in that way you will fade off the map even more. Remember- the squeaky wheel gets the oil, the more you draw attention to yourself, the elders will come after you more. If you exit quiet as a church mouse, many times they'll just leave you alone. Which in your case then the elders would hopefully just not bother to contact your parents at all. Kind of like " out of sight, out of mind ". These elders aren't as caring as you think. If you fade off the map, in time they'll stop trying. So, I hope this gives you a few things to consider. Just know that we are here for you to support you, O.K. ? Keep your chin up. Take care

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    Like Skbj said, you can play musical congregations and move the cards around a bit until they get lost among the secretaries.

  • Balaamsass


    Musical Congregations! .....gets my vote.

  • Pterist

    Welcome, I came to the USA, however, there was already a big split after Ray Franz got disfellowshipped. I never found out if I was disfellowship or not. An elder that shunned me back in Ireland was very responsive when I called him one day recently to see how his family was doing. We exchanged e-mails but I did not give him my new address here.....

    Fading in another country is a lot easier, may the Father in Christ direct your decisions.

    Welcome and Shalom

  • cofty

    Welcome and good luck with the fade.

    I know you don't want to hurt your parents but its your life. Don't feel guilty for living your own life your way.

  • moshe
    and I say I'm doing a lot of travelling with the job

    Ah, the French Foreign Legion!- have a good time.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Fake the letter.

    Use fake letterhead, use a friend's address for the KHall address, and pretend to be the body of elders from your host country's congregation writing the letter.

    Your cards will be sent to you and the elders in your home cong will assume that your records are now in the hands of the elders of the new congregation.

    It will make your fade MUCH easier. And don't be afraid to make the fade. Let your parents think that you've simply slipped spiritually while being overseas. Eventually they'll get used to the idea of you not being a JW.

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