Nun Jokes

by Bangalore 2 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Bangalore

  A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says.

  "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.

  She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

  A young nun enters a convent, where she can only utter two words every ten years. After the first decade, she visits Mother Superior and says, "bed hard."
  
  Ten years later, she says, "food bad." After 30 years, she goes to the Mother Superior and says, "I quit."
  
  "I'm not surprised," says Mother Superior. "You've been complaining ever since you got here.

  Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each ofthem what they would like to be when they grew up.
  
  She came to a little girl who responded, "When I grow up I want to be a prostitute."
  
  Shocked, good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, "What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up?"
  
  The little girl replied, "A prostitute."
  
  "Oh thank goodness," the relieved nun replied "I thought you said a Protestant."

  A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
  
  "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
  
  "Can you pay in cash?"
  
  "I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
  
  "Do you have any close relatives, then?"
  
  "Just my sister in New Mexico," the patient replied. "But she's a spinster nun."
  
  "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God."
  
  "Okay," the man said with a smile. "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

  Bangalore
• 

  bigmac

  why do nuns go about in 2's?

  so the first nun makes sure the second nun gets nun.
• 

  oldlightnewshite

  2 nuns in the bath. One says 'Where's the soap?' The other one says, 'Yes, it does'.

  3 nuns are trekking across the desert after a plane crash. Mother superior says, 'If we don't take sustenance soon, we may die. Here I have hidden a small pouch of flour upon my person. We need to moisten it to make dough, then we may eat'. One of the nuns says, 'But how can we moisten it? We have no water!' Mother superior says, 'We must crouch over it and try to pass water. It's the only way'. Nun number one crouches over the small bag of flour and squeezes, pushes and grunts, but to no avail. Secondly, Nun number 2 crouches over the small bag of flour and goes red in the face, trying to urinate, but to no avail. Lastly, Mother Superior steps forward and says, 'You did your best, sisters. Now I shall try to moisten the flour.' She squats over the small bag of flour, holds her breath and squeezes. All of a sudden, she lets rip a loud rasping fart and blows the small amount of flour away on the wind. The other 2 nuns piss themselves laughing.