What do you suggest? I run far away, but I have to always deal with family around this time of year. One day, all of this will "try" to be dumped on my household. I am now hearing rumblings of it.
My in laws have their almost 40 year old daughter living with them. She is a teenaged, out of wedlock mom, finally got her GED, went to college several times only to end in failure. The last time was the most promising, but she dropped out. She had learning disabilities as a kid, and likely now too. She was doing great, as long as she didn't have to also hold a job. But, when she got 2 semesters away from her associates, my mother-in-law started putting pressure on her to "get a part time job" due to, perhaps, some money issues. The next thing I knew, she got a job, full time, and started to fail school and dropped out. She now works as a cashier in a five-and-dime/convenience store.
Then, I suggested my sister-in-law get a professional job, like a real estate agent. It only was a weekend of schooling. Well, my mother-in-law immediately "pooed" htat idea. "She could be raped showing houses!" If you saw my sister-in-law, she's HUGE and while it is possible to rape her . . . I'd fear the rapist could be squashed to death. So, I said, "What, is being a clerk in a convenience store any safer?"
Both of my in-laws poo-poo their daughter's parenting abilitiies, right or wrong. My sister-in-law is a good person, but has no self esteem. My in-laws have had to raise her children alot of the time, so I understand their gripe too. It's pretty embarrassing, as its done openly.
Now, her daughter had a baby, teenaged birth. As I predicted, the boy father is long gone. I have begged my niece to get to college, get a job, get a driver's license, etc. She is 19 and has done NOTHING towards her goals. And, my in-laws complain some. My niece is "thinking about it" (for the past year).
Now, I hear that my niece doesn't want to get a job becuase the "boyfriend or her friends may come at her work." First of all, she has no job for them to even come to. Second, he has a new girlfriend to occupy his time, so I don't think he gives a yak's butt about the niece. Third, I told the in-laws that bosses love to run out the ex-s and do so with a little threat. So, I asked my in-laws about this new, irrational fear of my nieces.
Know what the mother in law first says? "Oh, her boyfriend ruining her job is my fear. I think he'd do it." I so realize that the my mother-in-law uses fear and manipulation to control her daughter and granddaughter to keep them close. If they don't have a job, a good paying job, then they are super easy to keep at home. This is all empty-nest syndrome. I called her out on it, and she said, "Oh, I never told her that." (HMMMMM.....I wonder if she told someone else in the family who then told my niece . . . . who will use it as an excuse to stay home).
So, now my sister-in-law wants to move to where we live. She's in no position to be independent. You see, it's all about to be dumped on my lap.
My in-laws are in their 60s, and all of this being a martyr is about to get old for them. Oh, they are already complaining.
My God, if my sister-in-law and niece ever wake up to realize that their (grand)parents, though good meaning, have coddled them to being at the state of a 14 year old in taking care of themselve - they will be VERY ANGRY.
So, the point is to all mothers and to my own mother. THANK YOU FOR KICKING ME IN THE RUMP (TO GO AND FIGHT LIFE) when I needed it. The goal of motherhood should be to produce independent children.
What do I say? I think I run away and hide. They need to be on Dr. Phil. It's maddening.