by lostinthought 14 Replies latest jw friends
That's it, 00DAD, the plan.
Where I encourage caution are those dependents who are still living at home. I think cold turkey is too risky for them. Let them build up a little nest egg, a support network, a little independence, and if they want they can make a clean break by letter from their college dorm.
You can always convert from a fade to a DF or DA if you should decide that fading is too much of a hassle or it does not give you the closure you seek. No one gets to convert from DF/DA to a fade though. A very small number get to reverse their DFing on appeal... Remember that the reinstatement process can be brutal especially if you want to maintain your dignity or your integrity as a free thinker.
Keep in mind that the benefits of fading may be limited by the degree to which family members and friends will view an 'inactive' Witness as bad association; they may avoid you anyways. Most likely though you'll find that relationships evaporate because you and they will realize that you have little in common when you're no longer on the Watchtower treadmill of 'theocratic activities.'.
Free
My sister and I, as many of you know, just abruptly stopped going to meetings. My nephew is an elder in this little tight community and knows we are so called "apostates.". He hasn't told on us and it has been two years. He and his over the top zealot jw wife don't exactly shun us, but they never initiate any contact. We are shunned by a full 90 percent plus of our old hall, bUt neither of us are df'd or da'd.
We were able to get my sisters other son and his entire family out, my daughter vows she will never, ever shun me. My son in law tolerates my visits. Our mother refused to shun us. That being said, we have no association with anyone else we used to associate with, including former close friends.
So what I am saying is if you fade, you are still viewed as "bad association.". There isn't going to be a huge difference in the way they may treat you.
Send out some feelers asking those you love the most how they feel about the shunning policy, keeping in mind that if they say they won't shun you,that they may be pressured to do so if it is discovered by certain members of "the true Christian congregation."
What whathappened shared shows the brutal reality of this fuckin' cult!
Nevertheless, if you fade there is still some wiggle room for people of conscience that are "still in."
When a person is disfellowshipped or disassociated the WT's official policy is clear: Total Shunning 1 . Nothing less is acceptable.
00DAD
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1 - For anyone in doubt, note that the direction from the "Faithful Slave" in the upcoming January 1st Study Edition of the Watchtower is that even emailing a DF'd relative is out!
"Do not look for excuses to associate with a disfellowshipped family member, for example, through e-mail. (1 Cor. 5:11)" - w13 1/15, p. 16 par. 19
Oh, yes, what kind of evil person would ever "look for excuses" to talk to a family member? Bad, bad evil person. Don't do that. That's bad!
You may find a close examination of the cited scripture informative:
1 Cor 5:11: But now I am writing YOU to quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.
I don't see emailing listed in this scripture, do you? Is it really true that "e-mail" equals " mixing in company with " someone? Paul said "not even eating." He did NOT say, "Not even emailing." Sharing a meal with someone if very different from getting and/or receiving emails. I don't know about you, but I get lots of emails from business associates and others that I wouldn't ever even think about had dinner with. Why is the WTBTS so uptight about this subject?
Notice too that any- and everyone DF'd is included in the WT prohibition, but Paul lists only a few specific offenses.
What if your beloved family member is/was disfellowshipped for some other reason?
In fact, does Paul even say that family members are to completely shun family members? Does it say that here? No. It does not. This is a WT rule which is completely unsupported by the Bible.
The fact is that they don't want those "still in" to talk to those that are "now out" because those "out" might say things that get those "in" to wake up and smell the coffee! It really is as simple as that.
00DAD
It's going to be difficult. Know that.
Don't think, which option is easier. Think, which one will hurt less.
Have no regrets.
