Armageddon is coming! New Dates Predicted (satire)

by 00DAD 19 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    Kudos to JWN roving correspondent sd-7 for his insightful comments in a recent thread. As a result of his inspired utterance, I received a flash of insight that has allowed me to predict with uncanny accuracy the exact date for Armageddon's arrival.

    What follows are sd-7's comments and my calculations. Be afraid, be very afraid!

    sd-7: The great stone 'not cut out by hands' has been hurtling towards all the kingdoms of this wicked system since 1914. Evidently, the great distance between heaven and earth is surely the explanation for what that stone has been doing the last 98 years--travelling at speeds beyond our comprehension towards this wicked system of things!

    Yes, of course. The stone is coming from obviously more than 98 light-years away!

    Evidently, the stone was cut from the Pleiades star cluster which is, as you know doubt know, the location of Jehovah's throne in the heavens. The Pleiades are about 126 to 132 parsecs away from Earth. By way of reminder, a parsec is an astronomical unit of about 3.26 light-years 1 ; but you knew that.

    With this information we can easily calculate the arrival of the great stone "not cut out by hands."

    Let us proceed, albeit with great caution and care.

    If we multiply 3.26 times the distance of the Pleiades from Earth, first using the lower/closer range and then the further distance we get these results:

    126 x 3.26 = 411 years; or 132 x 3.26 = 430 years.

    Then, if we add these results to the firmly established in Scripture touchstone year of 1914 as marking the irrefutable date for the beginning of Christ's Invisible Presence, we can estimate the exact year when this stone will arrive here at earth heralding the start of the Great Tribulation:

    1914 + 411 = 2,325; or 1914 + 430 = 2,344.

    These divinely inspired calculations enable us to determine with great precision these exciting results:

    Armageddon will be here between the years 2,325 and 2,344 C.E.--give or take 2 .

    These are exciting times and it is important that we maintain a sense of urgency now that the End of this Wicked System of Things is so near at hand!

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    1 - A light-year is the distance that light, which has a velocity of approximately 186,282 miles per second (or 299,792,458 meters per second ), travels in a vacuum in one Julian year. It is a unit of length equal to just under 10 trillion kilometers or about 6 trillion miles. (BTW, when we say "in a vacuum" we do not mean in your Hoover! We mean the cold, empty nothingness of deep space. This is similar to what is contained in the cranial cavity of your typical Circuit Overseer.)

    2 - This is of course assuming that the great stone "not cut out by hands" is hurtling irresistibly towards earth at the speed of light, or at least very close to it. If it is in fact moving slower, then we may have to revise these figures. Perhaps an "Overlapping Parsec" or two will do the trick.

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    Interesting. I wonder what would happen if the GB told the R&F that Armageddon wouldn't come for at least another 100 years. How many would leave?

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    cobaltcupcake: Interesting. I wonder what would happen if the GB told the R&F that Armageddon wouldn't come for at least another 100 years. How many would leave?

    It is an interesting question! My guess is: Probably not many.

    I've become convinced that once you're "IN", it's no longer about doctrine at all. Some leave over doctrinal issues, but not most.

    It's all about control.

    Let's review: It's a cult!

    00DAD

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    LOL! OBVES... is that you ?

  • sd-7
    sd-7

    This is insane. But I like it, LOL.

    If things get really desperate, well after our lifetimes have overlapped and gone, it wouldn't surprise me if they dug this one up and used it. It actually worries me, that some obscure satirical remark I've made and forgotten about might actually come back to haunt me like this, ha ha!

    Great job, 00DAD. Oh, and in no way am I affiliated with any of the statements that apparently sprang from my own statement...I in no way intended to imply that this system would end in 2325 or 2344 or anywhere in between. And especially do the writers of The Beast-Tower stand together in taking no part whatsoever in how some individuals may have read more into our statements than was implied. We, of course, share the disappointment of many in whoever may have been stumbled as a result of our words.

    --sd-7

  • finallysomepride
    finallysomepride

    oodad

    you got it all wrong, the voice in my head is telling me 2113 infact April 01

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    sd-7: This is insane. But I like it, LOL.

    True, but is it really any more insane than any of the nonsense the WT publishes?

    I appreciate your disavowal of your statements. Obviously any conclusion I made are purely my own and I will not hold you responsible for anything I may or may not have read into them, just as I am not responsible for anything that anyone may or may not read into my commentary.

    finallysomepride, April 1st ... hmmm. That date is familiar somehow, but I can't quite place it ...

  • JustHuman14
    JustHuman14

    This sound like OBVES to me...never the less the GB or whatever they are called them selves now, they will use this article

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    Interesting. I wonder what would happen if the GB told the R&F that Armageddon wouldn't come for at least another 100 years.

    How many would leave?

    None of them would "leave".

    There just wouldn't be anyone showing up at the meetings anymore.

    Doc

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    JustHuman14: This sound like OBVES to me...never the less the GB or whatever they are called them selves now, they will use this article

    What is OBVES?

    DOC: None of them would "leave". There just wouldn't be anyone showing up at the meetings anymore.

    Good one. On the other hand, maybe they'd all be there, just invisibly! ... like JC since 1914

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