Reasons to fade or not to fade

by gabrielg 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  gabrielg

  Lately I've been thinking about fading from the cong but Im not sure about what would be the top reason in my list. Help me please

  Without writing 2 page answers, question for anyone posting in repply to this or whoever reads this. What would be your reason/reasons for fading? What do you think is other peoples reasons for fading? Do you agree with those reasons?

  To keep it simple the format could be like:

  Reasons for fading

  1) Contradicting beliefs (name Example, don't ellaborate)

  2) Organization's strictness (name example)

  3) Sins committed by me or others (name example)

  Reasons I don't agree with for fading

  1) I don't like ties

  2) I like birthdates

  3) so on...
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  insearchoftruth4

  If it was the truth, give 110%. But since it is not. You can live lie and live to regret it.
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  tootired2care

  I think like most things it depends. If you've got family/friends whom you care about that live close by, it make make sense to fade. The tradeoff is you have to live a lie for potentially several years, and it's not a principaled stand based on your convictions. This is a very stressful position to put yourself into. Imagine getting on the stage and giving talks that you don't believe in, many like myself didn't have the stomach for this.

  If you don't live close to family, or you can move, then a better option is just to stop going. Quit cold turkey, and don't say anything about it to the family you care about, unless they bring it up or find out about it. When they do, you could just reply that YOU no longer believe it anymore. It's very non-confrontational, and there is nothing they can really do about it except either show unconditional love or reject you because they want to, not because you've been labeled an apostate. When you get visitors just tell them you want to spend time with them and not go to the meeting while they are there. Although this is not completely truthfull it's also not technically lying. You're well within your right to withhold information if you want to.

  If you just want instant freedom from worry or future repercusions and you don't care about what friends and family that are in think, then disassociation is defintely the way to go.

  I've gone the cold turkey route, and i'll eventually follow it up with a letter of disassociation at some point.
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  panhandlegirl

  I wish I had faded instead of just telling it like it is and getting df'd. I could have still had my family. Yet, I have progressed so much since leaving the borg, that maybe that would not have worked for me. There is so much to consider when making this fade/don't fade decision. Proceed with caution.

  PHG
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  braincleaned

  I faded to keep my family. I'm still publically loud and obnoxiously open on my atheism and against the borg, on Facebook for example. So eventually someone will get fed-up and go for the kill. In the meantime, I feel I owe no explainations to the WTS, and I actually find it ironic that many play THEIR game and admit to their personal doubts and get DFed. You see - I don't feel I owe them shit, and I'll be damned if I will offer myself to their judgement and get DFed.
  
  I feel some friends run strait to the headlights to get ran over because they feel they have to justify their jay-walking. YOU OWE THE BORG NOTHING.
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  braincleaned

  It kills me to see the power the WTS has even on those who disagree with them and want to leave!!! Why the heck would anyone admit to disagreeing and submit to the standards of a society they disagree with??? For crying out loud - fade out and be happy to have no more to do with the borg. In doing it so, save your family. Once again, we owe NOTHING to the borg, and should not abide by their rules!
  
  And by the way - I don't lie. I faded and became what they call an outright apostate (when all I did was change my mind with new info). But by the time they could accuse me of anything I was gone.
  My whole family knows where I stand - but they are happy I'm not DFed. Maybe some misunderstand what it is to fade; it's slowly getting out - and staying out!
  No need to lie for years... why?
  
  PS: I know there are some elders that over-zelously look for you for the kill. A move to another cong would be to consider in that case.
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  xelder

  My fade, while having great personal cost, SAVED MY FUTURE GENERATIONS. I got my kids out, and grandkids.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I don't even understand the opening post. I think you are asking if there are valid reasons to fade vs. DA/DF without considering circumstances of the person involved, like a poll of which path most everyone should take.

  NO SUCH THING.

  If someone leaves no loved ones behind in the JW's, they typically DA to get the elders off their back and they move on without caring about what the congregation has to say about them.

  If someone has loved ones still in the JW's, they might consider fading so that those loved ones don't decide to shun them. But this doesn't always work and some people want to/need to be more open in their new post-JW life, which may not allow a fade.

  Many have already been thrown out judicially before they woke up to the real truth, and a tiny percentage of them decide to go back and get reinstated just to begin a fade to maintain family relations.

  Many many more factors, but it isn't doctrine or personal philosophy that dictates one's path.