Did you ever shun people when you were a dub? How did it feel?

by oldlightnewshite 34 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • oldlightnewshite
    oldlightnewshite

    Okay, I don't know lots of people that were DF'd, but of all the times I've encountered DF people when I was a Dub, THEY actually blanked ME! It was always something that I had fixed in my mind that the JWs had dead wrong, even when I was an uber Dub. I remember several times when I used to arrive late at meetings, and I'd make a point of getting eye contact with the poor dub at the back sitting on the naughty step. Every single time I got the poker face with no acknowledgement at all. Even this one time in a shop, I passed a sister I knew well, she saw me and put her eyes to the floor and walked away quickly. (WTF? Not even at the KH?) I have always been dead set against bullying of any kind, always getting into fights protecting vulnerable people. I used to physically feel sick when I saw the way DF'd were treated at the KH, and wanted to hurt the ones doing it.

    My question is, have you ever done it, and how did it make you feel? Did you get remorse afterwards, or did you just not think about it? Did you actually convince yourself that you were doing the right thing?

    I just don't see how Dubs could ever push aside feelings of compassion for somebody who was repentant. It never did sit right with me, and had I ever been challenged over the matter, I think I would have been DF'd myself over a refusal to conform. Did anybody else ever feel like that?

  • nicolaou
    nicolaou

    I'm ashamed to say that yes, I did shun and although I never liked it I'll admit I felt justified. Once I was mentally 'out' one of the most humbling moments in my life was when I managed to apologise to someone I used to shun.

    Nic'

  • oldlightnewshite
    oldlightnewshite

    Nicolau, that was a beautiful story. Really great that you were persistent with her. Thanks for sharing it. It took a lot of guts to admit that you were wrong. Amazing that you hugged, and didn't know each other so well.

  • stuckinlimbo
    stuckinlimbo

    I found the same thing OLNS, that the df'd person would avoid eye-contact with me. I would often try to catch their eye and smile. One person who we knew well was df'd I woukd always smile and say hello and we would talk to him after some time had passed and we belived it was taking to long for the cong to reinstate him, he was coming to all the meetings. When a close relative by marriage was df'd and I stayed at their house overnight, it was ME who was told to sit in another room on my own to eat breakfast so their family could eat together, their reasoning was that I was not IMMEDIATE family so I could not be in the same room as the disfellowshipped person to eat So I was the one being shunned

  • zeb
    zeb

    Paul said, 'treat these ones as those of the world'. Do we shun people around us in our workplace, school or at the shops?

    I am so thankfull that I never did. If i saw such ones I would acknowledge them and leave it up to them. If this is a little distant its because i never love bombed anyone anywhere. Too many JW live inside each others lives. Too many JW are part of a tribe and are incapable of being an individual.

  • cognac
    cognac

    I'd always say hi or smile. I wouldn't go out of my way to make a phone call or see the person or anything.

    I wonder if the JWs are as strict about it now. I've been talking very openly to a d'ffed girl when I go to a meeting every once in awhile, nobody seems to care. Another sister always helps her with her kids.

    My FIL was d'ffed, there wasn't a problem talking to him under the, "mental problems" clause.

    Then, a pioneer sister came out as a lesbian and got d'ffed. I reached out to her on Facebook. She didn't want to have a friendship with me cause she felt it would cause to many problems I guess...

  • Knowsnothing
  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    Sorta.

    Still gave what I thought would be an "encouraging" smile and/or a discreet little wave when it was someone I knew and liked; beleive it or not, I was following my Dad's example.

    So I guess I played a bit fast and loose with it.

  • panhandlegirl
    panhandlegirl

    I never shunned df'd ones. I admit, I never went out of my way to acknowledge them. When my jw uncle died and my uber jw sister shunned our younger brother,who had come to the funeral, we got into an argument about it. My jw sister has always been so arroggant and self-righteous. I just could not ever shun my brother, even if I had gotten into trouble about. Shunning is just so heartless.

  • Ding
    Ding

    Why would the DFd brother or sister not look at you?

    Maybe it was because they felt guilty, ashamed, and unworthy (something the WT uses to control JWs, even those who aren't DFd).

    Maybe it was because they preferred averting their eyes to constantly seeing rejection and condemnation on everyone's faces.

    Maybe it was because they didn't want to give other JWs the satisfaction of seeing how much it hurt.

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