buddy system??

by grumblecakes 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • grumblecakes
    grumblecakes

    i searched to see if there was already a thread on this but didnt see one...

    i was thinking about this weird-a@# struggle we have all found ourselves in and one of the worst things about it is not having a soul in the world to talk to. we find ourselves isolated from those who know us best, those we've loved dearly and the new people we surround ourselves with could never begin to understand (non-jws). and our struggles are no small matter. they are at times dark and aweful, and far too often tragic.

    is it crazy to suggest a buddy system. having at least one person to REALLY talk to? someone a wee bit more tangible? (kinda like how in AA they have sponsors? while still preserving anonymity of course)

    from a newbie's perspective, its daunting to post youre issues out there to everyone ("what will they say? will any one say anything? maybe i shouldnt bother them?")

    has this ever been attempted or suggested?

  • grumblecakes
    grumblecakes

    oh, and if this sounds good to anyone out there, ill volunteer first. ill be your fading buddy.

    pm me, im all ears.

    big hugs to everybody from grumblecakes!

  • steve2
    steve2

    On part of me says, Whatever works for people - I guess??

    Yet the notion of a buddy system leaves me worried about these sorts of potentially intense and exploitative roles.

    As with the AA organization, it may be absolutely critical to have clear ethical guidelines on what the buddy system includes (and excludes). It would be highly important to think through the Pros and Cons of such an arrangement because the intended beneficiaries would be isolated and vulnerable individuals.

    I would imagine that some of the more (how shall I put this without unintentionally offending anyone?) religious ex-JWs may jump at the chance to be a buddy to others who are struggling with their JW connection. What this raises is the whole notion of power differentials: Even though it is called a 'buddy" system it is clear that one party is offering help of some kind. With that offer must also come accountability and boundary keeping. Buddy systems always run the risk of unintentional exploitation (e.g., proselytizing desperately unhappy but needy ex-JWs) to say nothing of more overt exploitation (e.g., sexual). Anyone who has been on the receiving end of such exploitation will know what I am referring to. Certainly, as a registered health professional I'm fully aware of how easily "volunteers" get entangled in their best intentions to help others. Besides, who will vet the buddy's? It's a common observation that the people most likely to volunteer as buddy's are perhaps not the best suited (e.g. how many people with unresolved issues step in to try to help others when they should sort themsleves out first?).

    I'm not sure how you'd ensure vetting without some centralized system - and then it begins to look a difficult thing to do.

    People often start out with the best of intentions in terms of the support they're prepared to offer but may find that it is more demanding than anticipated or riskier (e.g., ex-JWs who express suicidal intent)?

    Forums such as this are less likely to lead to such difficulties because the specific aim is not to foster intense emotionally supportive (and needy) networks.

  • grumblecakes
    grumblecakes

    whoa, no, no, no...thats not at all what i had in mind. yikes.

    im talking about having someone to pm (i still want to be anonymous and safe) when you dont feel like talking to the wholefreaking forum (too insecure too impersonal, yada yada)

    for the love of gawd, nothing formal or organized.

  • steve2
    steve2
    for the love of gawd, nothing formal or organized.

      Phew! Thank goodness - perhaps your choice of words threw me (e.g., the "buddy" concept found in AA). Yes, keeping it anonymous and pm-ing sounds better.
  • oldlightnewshite
    oldlightnewshite

    Steve makes some good points. I think that this site could be more helpful/User friendly to other potential users/newbies etc, by perhaps having a better profile for our individual users. For instance, if our profiles could have not only our anonymous Avatar, but maybe a brief few details..... like this....

    Oldlightnewshite

    Current status: baptized JW, D/A for 10 years

    Religious beliefs: None. atheist

    Open to PM and Skype: Yes, at weekends

    This would help other users find likeminded persons to ask advice and form friendships. It would help people make informed decisions about who they really want to take advice from. Let's be honest, there are some fruitcakes on here.

  • youngbro
    youngbro

    I think the idea on paper (screen) is good, but organzing it would be hard, I think.

    I would love to help out, as helping others is a knack of mine, so if anyone wants. PM me, I am able to text and email as well, I am online quite often.

    And sorry...but I must:

  • grumblecakes
    grumblecakes

    YEEEEAH! REX QWAN DOH! "take a look at what im wearing people. you think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face when im wearing these bad boys?!"

    perhaps ill take you up on the pm youngbro.

    yeah, nothing formal or organized. good ideas oldlight, that would help a lot.

  • krejames
    krejames

    I think this is a good idea in principle but agree there are risks. Oldlightnewshite's idea of improving the profile info is probably the most practical and least risky suggestion (I still haven't worked out how to add any extra info to mine)

  • Twitch
    Twitch

    If you want to be understood as a jw, then your best chances are online, by either post or pm. Not many people in everyday life have an idea or want to know.

    In time, your wish to be understood as a former jw will give way to being understood as everyday joe/joanne.Then the former won't matter as much as it does now.

    As for some formal method of support aka the buddy system, I dunno. Roll the dice.

    0.02

    PS Steve2 does make some good points.

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