Being Disfellowshipped - reflections after 30 years

by myway2007 10 Replies latest jw experiences

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  myway2007

  Hello,

  I have watched this website for a long time, and felt it was time to speak out. This post if for those who have been DF’d and those contemplating it. It has been a long and interesting journey, but well worth the ride. I grew up near bethel, going to a congregation that was full of bethelites. It was all I had known, until I was in my early 20’s. It was a big step, but not an insurmountable one. I was DF’d and never looked back, I felt if I couldn’t give it 100% and they didn’t except anything less, then it was time to part ways. Over the years, I have had limited to no contact with siblings. I had limited contact with my mother, only because my father was not a JW. She would always get chastised by my siblings for the contact she had with me. One time I was almost physically removed from a hall near bethel, because I wanted to attend a funeral of one of my relatives. You get the picture. I could go on and on.

  There is life after being a JW, it is all in what you make it. It has taken a long time to deal with it all, but now being married and having other extended family of my own, it all just works out. I have a great career, wonderful home and home life. There are two things that helped me tremendously. One was going through a program to adopt a child. Those kids have gone through a lot of the same emotions I felt being shunned by my family. It helped to heal a lot. The second was after so many years finding a church to go to. Having religion drilled into you from birth creates a void when it is gone. Finding some place that I could go and be in peace was great. Don’t get me wrong, it took me a real long time to to even consider it, let alone get there. It is part of the healing process to fill that gap of what such a large part of my existance.

  I hope this can touch someone in a postive way. I would really like to find out what happend to all of the other kids who went to my congragation as a kid. :-)

  MyWay
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  BluesBrother

  Hi, Myway...Welcome to the board. it was good to read your story

  "creates a void when it is gone. "

  Yes, I know that too. Since my family are dedicated to the Dubs, and I am not d/f'd (just "inactive") it would cause too many ructions for me to go elsewhere, but I still miss that 'spiritual' element of life. Perhaps I will be able to explore other religions one day.

  Keep posting
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  LongHairGal

  MyWay2007:

  Wow. I am sure that really made you want to come running back after you were treated so rudely at a funeral !

  I am not DF'd but an eleven-year fader. I was not a born-in but came in as a young adult. I can see from shunning behavior in public towards me by certain individuals (makes me laugh) and snide remarks at a memorial, that the religion has a hatred of anybody who is ousted or leaves and doesn't want to come back.

  I love your post and it is good to read a success story of a born-in who has been out for a long time.
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  straightshooter

  Thanks for sharing your story. It is always a comfort to see how one survives an exit from the WTS.
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  jam

  Welcome Myway, an enjoyable story.
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  RayPublisher

  Howdy Myway welcome to the board brother. Since I am right on the cusp of being DFed myself, your story was helpful- thank you.
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  Giordano

  My wife and I have been out over 45 years, it's been and continues to be a great life. We left our pioneer service where the need was great and moved away never to return.

  We were not shunned by our families but on many an occasion I wish we were as over the years it all came to nothing. A true believer can not reconcile that you are still a meaningful person when you don't believe as they do.

  Unfortunately the reverse is true in that it's hard to take them seriously, to see them as valid because of their commitment to an organization that teaches that the destruction at Armageddon makes perfect sense. To some extent it's a death cult.
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  myway2007

  Thanks to everyone who has responded! It has really made my day! it's hard to believe that it has been so long. Even people convicted of crimes, can get time off for good behavior and are accepted back. Not so with the JW's. Looking back at how my father was treated, being a non believer, I think the rest of the siblings felt the only value he brought was financial. Wen I think about the few conversations I have had over the years with my brother, and he would say oh we still love you and wish you were here. I would say love who? The person you knew all those years ago doesn't even exist anymore. The I would get well this is what the bible tells us to do.

  I have a niece that tried to leave, she called me a number years ago, actually found me on the internet, an uncle she never really knew only heard about. She was trying to get out, but financially couldn't make it and her family enticed her back becaus the only way they would help her was if she came back to being a JW. I am sorry for that, and I am ashamed of her parents, but it is a system munipulates the weak.

  So don't be weak. Stand up for yourself in the best way for you.

  Myway
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  Broken Promises

  Thanks for posting that.

  I hope your niece is in the position one day to give her finger to the WTS.
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  myway2007

  I doubt it, they are too used to having the borg think for them. Thinking on your own is hard stuff! Even with my siblings, I throw them a bone every once in a while and send an email or call, trying to get them to open up, but it is the same zombie response. "Don't you know what your doing with your life" YES I DO! Living large in the here and now. They have no idea how to respond.

  And to think I really don't care if they accept me or not, I just want them to show me the same respect they would show strangers on the street. But they can't because they know there is no chance for conversion. What a waste.