I feel good about myself

by outsmartthesystem 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    About 10 years ago....one of my best friends was one month from getting married. Then I got a phone call from him. He didn't go into detail but he told me that he had made a regretful mistake and that he told the elders. They grilled him and disfellowshipped him very quickly. Of course.....his fiance dumped him. He called me to explain and sounded damn near suicidal. What was my response? Was I there for him? Did I comfort him? No. My response was "hang in there....you'll be ok.....but you know I can't talk to you, right? I mean.....you're disfellowshipped!" Just like that.....when a friend needed me the most, I turned my back on him. And I did it because I thought that's what God wanted me to do.....having no idea that my mind was being controlled by men.

    For the past 2 years I have been trying to reach him. Trying to call his old number. Trying to email his old email. Doing a Facebook search. Knowing his profession (or at least what it once was) I tried looking in the greater metropolitan area under his name for that line of work to see if he would pop up on an internet search or an association website or something. I tried and tried and came up cold each time. Finally, last week I found him on Facebook. I sent him a short introductory email telling him I missed him. He replied. When I replied back.......I apologized. I told him how sorry I was for turning my back on him when he needed friends the most. How sorry I was that I let a religious faction control me. He hasn't responded yet......but even if he doesn't.......I REALLY needed to get that off my chest.

    OSTS

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    I am glad that he survived that dark period of his life. So many JWs attempt suicide when faced with the loss of their entire social support system.

    Good for you for putting forth the effort to make amends!!

  • breakfast of champions
  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    Happy you found him. Whew! It must have been a relief. Your experience proves how mind-numbing the sect is.

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    Good for you and good for your friend. Let us know if he responds and how it goes!

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    It's amazing what an apology can do. It can't undo what was done, but it can lessen the sting. Hopefully, he will forgive you. Good Luck.

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    Boy, do I understand how you felt. My best friend in JWs came out as a lesbian, left her husband and kids, and moved in with her lover. Of course, she was DF'd.

    This action didn't occur in vacuum. She was distraught emotionally, but there was nothing I could do to help her because she was DF'd.

    I felt terrible that she hadn't been able to confide in me or lean on me for comfort.

    Luckily, a year later we reestablished contact (in your face, WTBTS!) and when I decided to leave my husband and the cult, she was there to help me. We've been BFFs again for years now.

    The thing is, your old friend knows exactly the mentality behind shunning and understands why you did what you did. Hopefully, he's not bitter and will respond to your extended hand.

    http://scottleblog.wordpress.com

    The Odd Life of Jehovah's Witnesses

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