Did guilt force you into relationships with negative or selfish people?

HelpMeBelieve

How much force did guilt play into your relationships with other witnesses? We wasted so much of our lives chasing things that are not real, love that was highly conditional and relationships with people that evaporated once we started to fade away.

I would force myself to talking with nutty brothers who seemed to be "short their rent each month, never able to catch up". How could he afford the "Dish TV" "Super-Deluxe" $150 a month tv package, eat out four times or more a week? Was it a lack of pride how he hinted he could use a advance until his government check came in the mail, "i will gladly pay you Tuesday for a loan today". Humans desire relationships or close friends but at what cost, we all found out "they" will throw you under the bus once you begin to use your critical thinking.

I lost a relationship two weeks ago, tired of listening to a friend bombard me with "the Bible say's we would have a faithful slave", I asked "well, do we take all Jesus's illustrations as literal, "Rich man and Lazarus", "the dishonest steward must be a good stewart, why don't we seek out this stewart for advice?" "moving mountains with a mustard seed grain of faith". Suffice to say, everything I said sailed past this person's head, i wish for you, I had a recording device, as my friend could not explain the "over-lapping generation", does this sound odd? "I don't know the details but the Organization can explain it good enough for me, like the examples we told others in field service (My minister will explain my beliefs for me, let me invite him over). I kick myself now, making fun of people who needed others to explain what they believe, and now the pole has shifted with the young folks in the org.

Learning things in life is fun, learning to cut bad relationships quick is becoming a new art form for me. I would cling to things that were best left to die, now I am happier as I leave behind the dark negative realm of fear and backstabbing people.

LongHairGal

HelpMeBelieve:

It wasn't just "guilt" that forced us into relationships with these dysfunctional people. It was a stupid religion with idiot doctrines that imagined that these people were going to be inflicted on us as part of a so-called brotherhood. Call it spiritual blackmail of a sort.

There were people there who we would NEVER have sought out under any other circumstances. In time, I realized that some I could not stand to be around and I made sure I ran from them. I also noticed that elders and other intelligent people in the hall never spent time around anybody they didn't like, SO why the hell would I ???

Once I saw the handwriting on the wall I wasn't falling for any guilt trips.

Found Sheep

One of my favorite realizations when I left JWness. I could have friends, friends that are my friends because we like eachother. I don't think I had any JW friends that I would have been friends with had it not been we were both in the cult. Well I take that back there may be 1/2 dozen that if they left I could see us being friends again. My JW "friends" were manly NUTS

James Brown

I was born in the tower my mother was a witless my father was a worldly gentile, I kind of had

both worlds. I had to go to all the meetings.

I had my worldly school friends who were normal to me.

And I had my wierdo friends from the hall, who my mother forced on me.

I always thought about the witnesses, these are not my kind of people and I wouldnt have anything to do

with them if my mother didnt force me to go to those stupid meetings.

oldlightnewshite

I guess you could sayI was a shit magnet at the hall. Because I was too kind to brush off friendly advances from the uber-crazy or KH fleabags, I was beating them off with a stick. I estimate that of all my friends in the troof, I would probably have remained friends with approximately around 5% of them IF they weren't JWs right now.

Glander

I lived in that world the first half of my life. I loved all my big family of G.parents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I still have a warm feeling for them now, many have passed. When I walked away from the org. I walked away from most of them. Guilt? Not really. Just regret over what was lost.

Emery

From my experience I wouldn't necessarily call it guilt which forced negative friendships, just a lack of options. I've had to deal with a lot of dysfunctional friendships over the years because of the constant admonition to "keep putting up with one another". I've had friends who were great but I also had a stressful time dealing with the surrounding friends in their clique. They all came from wealthy families and many of them do not have to work like average people. Almost all of them had serious humilty or social issues. The biggest problem that I encountered was their total lack of respect for one other. They were very critical and always had something to say about the other. It was a if they were trying to score brownie points when the other was away. If you confronted them about something negative they said about you, they would never own up to it or say "it was a joke". They would compete against each other in a materialistic fashion too; "Oh I just bought a G35", "Well my parents plan on getting me a IS250", "Just got two 24' inch Apple monitors with a solid state harddrive Mac Pro", etc. They would talk abusively about any spiritually weak witness and instead of offering to help or invite them out in field service.

Now I am slowly leaving these dysfunctional friendships and I do not feel it to be complete loss but cutting ties with the ones I do care for is extremely heart breaking.

Wasanelder Once

There was a brother who I was "friends" with who was from deep back in the woods. I put up with a lot of eccentricities but when I realized that Jesus didn't care if I put up with his BS or not I was glad to be rid of him. I fed his ass and drove him everywhere thinking he was my friend. You know who turned on me when I faded? Yep, Clem from the hollar. When he started putting his hands in his pants to itch that itch and then offered his hand for a shake I was done. I wouldn't give that guy the time of day now. Yuck.

rip van winkle

I never felt guilty for speaking consolingly or lovingly to depressed or mentally dysfunctional people. Whether in the org. or out, there are all sorts of people that have problems, it just seemed like it was concentrated at the KH. And sometimes on discussion sites, some weird, delusional people can have their say same as do some expressive, thoughtful people who come from a genuine place. You gets what you gets.

unchained1963

Yes it did I stayed in abusive relationship lost all money and children and family any how, I was left with nothing. But now I am alone and picking up the pieces and they haven't even noticed me trying to get back up. My JW family members.

Did guilt force you into relationships with negative or selfish people?

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