The Recovering Thinker
Hi, my name is Bob, and I am a recovering thinker….
It started out innocently enough: I began thinking at meetings now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a theocratic thinker. I began to think alone, you know, “to relax,” I told myself, but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important, and finally I was thinking all the time. I even thought at the Kingdom Hall. I knew thinking and my position in the congregation didn’t mix, but I couldn’t stop.
I began avoiding the friends at lunchtime so I could read Crisis of Conscience and other works that challenged my thought processes. I returned to the Kingdom Hall dizzied and confused, asking, “What exactly are we doing here?” Things weren’t great at home either. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life guided by the FDS—she spent the night at her mother’s.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the PO called me into the back room and said, “Bob, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking is a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking, I’ll have to recommend you be disfellowshipped.” This gave me a lot to think about. I went home early after my conversation with the elder. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking.” “I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce.” “But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.” “It is serious,” she said, lower lip quivering. “You have been a fine window washer all your life and your service to Jehovah comes before the children and I having health insurance or educations.” “That’s faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I’d had enough. “I’m going to the library to look up what really happened in 607/587,” I snarled and stomped out the door. I headed to the library in the mood for enlightenment, roared into the parking lot, and ran up to the big glass doors—they didn’t open. The library was closed. To this day I believe Jehovah was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for a computer with an internet connection to feed my starving mind, a magazine caught my eye; a Watchtower left in a laundromat. The words “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” stood out in large letters. You may recognize the line: it comes from the standard issue “Thinkers Anonymous” poster. Today, I am a recovering thinker. I never miss a meeting . At each meeting we listen to a non-educational, self congratulatory public talk. I am again training my mind to be numb. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my family and things are a lot better at home. Life just got easier, somehow, once I stopped thinking. Soon, I’ll be able to be an elder again…. Thanks, Bob
