Hehe! This is awesome! This must be the funniest thing since their America Under Attack spoofs...
Read the whole article at The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/onion3809/gulf_war_2.html
The earlier in the forenoon you take the sun bath, the greater will be the beneficial effect, because you get more of the ultra-violet rays, which are healing. - The Golden Age