Fornication Vs Divorce

chezza

Hi all,
I was reading another post earlier about wether or not to let your children bf gf sleep over and brought something to mind that i have given a great deal of thought too. We all know very well the stand the witnesses take on no sex before marriage, and i wonder how many marriages have ended up in divorce because of this.
How many young ones rush into marriage without really considering the commitment they are taking simply because they want to have sex, i am not saying this is always the case but we all know how strong hormones can be, and given the standpoint on divorce in the organization i wonder if given the chance to have sex before marriage wether or not this would lesson the divorce rate which i might add before i left the dubs was rising even in the organization.

Scully

I completely agree with your point of view chezza. Forbidding pre-marital sex results in people getting married because they are "inflamed with passion" not necessarily because they've decided it's time to find someone to spend the rest of their life with. How often have JW couples married and then realized that they are totally incompatible for one another? How often do they bring children into the equation because they think that will help bond them together better??

If the WTS did away with the archaic moral standards, and made abstinence prior to marriage an optional thing, you'd find people would wait longer before getting married, and the ones who did marry would have a better idea of their compatibility as mates, and would likely result in stronger, more respectful marriages that last a lot longer because they want to be together, not because they have to stay together so as not to "bring reproach" on the congregation.

Just my 2 cents' worth

Love, Scully

Beck_Melbourne

So true Chezza....how often did we hear the words "wait for the 'bloom of youth' to pass"!!! We had so few choices didn't we?? At the time you just want 'togetherness'...and not necessarily marriage...it was either get married or get DF. It is such a sad situation to wake up one day and find that the person beside you is so very wrong for you...and you realise that you have absolutely nothing in common with each other except 3 kids and a dog and 5 meetings a week...the only things keeping you together.

There are so many complicated issues when you're a couple in the truth...and I have heard it said that the truth keeps marriages together. I don't think so...I've seen a lot of marriages break up inside and outside the truth...so there isn't a true indication that the truth offers all the answers to marital bliss...sometimes the 'truth' is the cause for some of the problems. I know it was for mine.

Beck

Carmel

BM,

The only problem of waiting for the "bloom to pass" is that it lasts for so dam long! Actually, I have to come down on the side of abstinence, but it doesn't have to be handled with the lack of accumb that the witlesses do it. All my kids except for my adopted daughter we able to abstain until married and all four are happy they did so. All are pretty well adjusted and healthy with a balanced attitude toward their peers inspite of a lot of pressure to be otherwise.

I think part of the failure of the dubbies is that they have no educational program geared for children, pre-youth and youth that deals forthrightly with appropriate issues. Typical of fundies!

cheers,

carmel

JT

The comment was made:

Forbidding pre-marital sex results in people getting married because they are "inflamed with passion"

#######

I have to disagree. for the problem is not the forbiding of sex, in my view it is the forbiding of HAVING ANY LIFE.

I recall a recent study that was done with teenage girls and guys, it showed that when the young people had plenty of activities, sports, hobbies, and just the opportunity to get with other young folks, they often times held off on permarital sex much longer than those who didnt'

when you consider the life of a teenage jw - what is there left to do-

in my view it's not the no prematial sex that is the problem - its the no life at all

i recall so many times my wife and i tried to having bowling night, or softball games on the weekend or going to Kings Dominion or 6 Flags

and even my wife used to have a Girls night out we had 42 single sisters 25-45 yrs old with nothing to do

and we got shot down all the time-

so with only Field service and meetings as your entertainment and fun

what else is left for a jw kid

they can't talk about thier natuural sexual feelings without being made to feel like they are unspiritual or don't love god

adn with this as the backdrop for teens then they often times feel they have nothing left

i agree with you in fact when i went to bethel at 19 when i came back home at 21 ALL THE JW KIDS who stayed were married with 2 or 3 kids

AN they were so unhappy, today my wife and i have been married almost 14 yrs and we are 39 yet almost to the man and woman that we know who got married right out of High school and some didn't even finish they are either divorce, separated, committed adultry, got "MY Baby's Daddy Kids" or just plan unhappy

to say that young folks should have pre- martial sex in my veiw is wrong and not from the bible view cause i have little value for the bible, but from a practical view

being a black man i see what has happened with premartial sex, almost 70% off all black babies born are to unwed mothers and absent father

there are 2 high schools here in DC that have "TROPHY ROOMS'

I recall the first time i heard of that phrase the "Trophy Room"

i was working the Network Lab at one of the HS and so i asked the teacher in the tech lab, what the is that and he took me by the hand as it were to this room and here is where all the YOUNG BOYS call the trophy room, the girls can bring their babies to school with them and they get day care,

so will young folks gets some "Coochie: o yea i'm not unrealistic
but i believe that in the case of JW kids if they had some life alternatives there would at least be less who got married for the wrong reason--jus my 2

james

chezza

I understand what you are saying jerome about the kids not having lives, but i still feel that the problem of premarital sex affects not only the young ones but also the older ones who are remarrying and those that have waited to pass the bloom of youth that beck said, but, like anything it can abused and i also feel the more you deny someone from having something the more they want it or try to get it, we all know of the witnesses that lead double lives because they want to do the things others are,maybe if there wasnt a big deal of sex or not having sex the young ones would not be so determined to get it.

Beck_Melbourne

Hi Carmel

You have a family to be proud of...and it sounds like you and dear hubby have provided sound and balanced parenting. It also seems as though you and hubby have provided a loving environment for your family...one where they feel loved for no other reason but because they are yours. I would have liked a homelife like that...there's a lot of things I would have liked. As a mother myself...I find I am now faced with a challenge...I have a teenage daughter who has a borg father with his rules and rigid regimented ways....and then there's me with my non-borg ways. I'm struggling because I don't want to become too permissible...yet I fear that is exactly what I have become....too generous with that 'freedom of choice'. I've done a fair bit of reading...on topics such as blended family issues, parenting teens and I've also tried to piece it all together to find my own balance...especially with the borg and non borg influences.

I think u are right about the suggestion for education programs in the borg...education in life skills in general wouldn't go amiss.

Beck

Chezza...yes I was one of those 'double standard teens' in the borg...felt pressured to lie and sneak around because I wasn't allowed a boyfriend. It only made the whole 'sex' thing all the more intriguing...plus I was denied so much as a little kid....so that by the time I was a teen I was sick to death of all the 'can't do' rules. In the end, I married the day after my 17th birthday...so technically I was 18 but only just.

think41self

Fornication Vs Divorce

Yes please, to both. I can honestly say I've tried both, and found them quite good.

think41self

ofcmad

Abstinance --- I think it is a great moral/value to promote. It's the ONLY way to 100% ensure against unwanted pregnancy and std's.

bitter mango

"Abstinance --- I think it is a great moral/value to promote. It's the ONLY way to 100% ensure against unwanted pregnancy and std's."

too bad it's so unrealistic though

Fornication Vs Divorce

Share this