Just a few random thoughts here as my head is in a turmoil now. Do you know what I really wish at this moment? I would love to lay my head on someones lap and have them stroke my hair. I do that to my daughter as we talk and it seems that has such a calming affect on her.
My thoughts on friends at this moment is UGHHHHHH! Do you have to agree with your friends 100%? Do you have to support your friends even if they are wrong, in your opinion? Are you required to choose between two friends that are fighting? Are you obligated to relay messages that another told you in confidence? Is it okay for a friend to accuse you of doing these things just becaue they are fighting with another friend? Is it worth losing a friendship to have a disagreement? Do you have to like the same people?
Do you realize the emotional turmoil that a person goes through when they are asked to do any of the above? Do any of you realize how emotional a person is 10 days before giving birth anyway?
You know when you meet someone, even online, you can judge their character. You then decide if this is a person you want to be share space with. Over time and after much has been invested in a relationship you are obligated to fulfill your side of the bargain aren't you? I mean if you are a friend, then you shouldn't just drop that friendship as soon as one disagreement comes up. This is JW thinking, don't agree with them so I will not talk to them.
Believe it or not I don't like all of my friends qualities. I accept them and love them for who they are and what they are willing, and able to give. I do not expect a child to start walking before he is able, so why should I expect another person to do something they are unable to do. Actually I try to do this with everyone I meet. I try to understand where they are coming from, and make allowances based on that. Nobody is perfect, least of all me, I have more hangups than a telephone salesman. There are very few I have met in my life that I have written off. Very few I saw their true character, was repulsed by it and gave up on them.
I cannot imagine going through life being skeptical of all people. I cannot imagine seeing deciet in another around every corner. I would rather wait until the ball drops on my head and be crushed before I accuse another of doing something wrongly. Maybe I am just wishful thinking. I realize this is not a perfect world, we are all troubled in our own way. I do not want to be cynical. I want to be optimistic, yes I will get disappointed...but who cares! I will be happy before I am disappointed.
But dam nabbit I am really upset now. I guess I realize how come people are always upset when the flame wars start. It is so unsettling to see people you care about fighting with each other. I think I will join Andi in the closet covering my ears and rocking back and forth.
Please do not attach these words and random thoughts with anyone here. I am alone here in NY without my "real' friends in NC who I can bounce this stuff off. Plus it is really late and I didn't want to call anyone.
wendy