I called Bethel about shunning family, unexpected response..... (page 2)

simon17

I'm not sure, this seems to be the prevailing attiude around me. As long as you are not DF'd or DA'd, and as long as you're not consciously trying to "Make waves" people are not going to shun you. My family does not, and our relationship is pretty normal while we avoid the 'elephant in the room.' I still see people in the congregation and they are civil or friendly. We don't hang out, but that's to be expected. I don't think they would leave if they were at someone's gathering and I was there too. So I think his response is accurate. I think in some circuits or areas people DO go to extreme.s

EndofMysteries

simon17 - The articles I posted for 'immediate family circle' also allow if one is DF'd. Then going further on the bible principles of married couple remaining together even if of two different faiths. The bible didn't mention it about family because you can't change your blood ties, so associating/normal family things as long as both sides are at peace w/ eachother. Mainly an agree to disagree, only a seperation on spirtual things.

moshe

The call to Bethel- like a "screenshot or it didn't happen" - until such time as a WT article comes out supports his comments in full- it's just hearsay from the aposates.

EndofMysteries

Do a 3 way call with family members to clarify that. Or call them yourself, then do a 3way call w/ family members after.

Londo111

Here is an email from a third party to my father back when I was DFed. A little background: One JW relative I am close to chose NOT to shun me, but suddenly I lost contact with them for many weeks. I didn't know where they were and my calls went unanswered. Finally, I found out they had almost died and went into the hospital. My parents, having 0 contact with me, did not tell me, though this relative lived in the same house.

I don't think there is a misunderstanding with [Londo] and me. When he was about 15 years old I made it plain my stand what my views were. "If he turned his back on Jehovah He was not welcome in my house". It has not changed. It has more to do with my heritage and my understanding of the Bible than with the Branch's published info. I had an uncle that was my school teacher. Did he show partiality, No? He was tougher on me than others. I Learned from this. He was worldly but he stuck to strong principles as well as others in the family. That may be my custom, or heritage, but nevertheless I love my son. I am not perfect but it is my background that has probably more of an effect on me, than the published info. If [Londo] doesn’t understand then He should. He was always oversensitive I thought. He needs to grow up my father never hugged me but I knew he loved me by the chalk line he made me walk. Mom showed more compassion, but was not strict with me. I loved both the same, but respected my father more.

This was the day I lost all respect for my father...

mind blown

The April 2012 WT study article has some of the most strongly worded statements about contact with disfellowshipped family members.

Page 12, paragraph 17: -

17 Consider just one example of the
good that can come when a family loyally
upholds Jehovah’s decree not to associate
with disfellowshipped relatives. A
young man had been disfellowshipped
for over ten years, during which time his
father, mother, and four brothers“quit
mixing in company” with him. At times,
he tried to involve himself in their activities,
but to their credit, each member
of the family was steadfast in not
having any contact with him. After he
was reinstated, he said that he always
missed the association with his family,
especially at night when he was alone.
But, he admitted, had the family associated
with him even a little, that small
dose would have satisfied him. However,
because he did not receive even
the slightest communication from any
of his family , the burning desire to be
with them became one motivating factor
in his restoring his relationship with
Jehovah. Think of that if you are ever
tempted to violate God’s command not
to associate with your disfellowshipped relatives.
"...REMAIN LOYAL TO JEHOVAH
16 There are members of the congregation
who committed serious sins and
who were reproved “with severity, that
they may be healthy in the faith.” (Titus
1:13) For some, their conduct has
required that they be disfellowshipped.
For “those who have been trained by it,”
the discipline has helped them to become
spiritually restored. (Heb. 12:11)
What if we have a relative or a close
friend who is disfellowshipped? Now
our loyalty is on the line, not to that
person, but to God. Jehovah is watching
us to see whether we will abide by
his command not to have contact with
anyone (emphasys NOT mine) who is disfellowshipped.—Read
1 Corinthians 5:11-13."
Sorry, because this article was a real stab to my soul. I guess I could go back in and fake it (family still in) but I REFUSE to give in to fruads no matter what! My stomach turns and rumbles just thinking about sitting in a KH.
If I wasn't already out, it may be another story......but there are many who are still in and have to be careful which my heart goes out to...

Londo111

Plus more and more, I am hearing reports of elders on occasion encouraging people to leave their "apostate" spouses...

I suspect the answer a person gets from Bethel varies in regard to your rank…

diamondiiz

When you call Bethal, they don't know who you are, they don't know if you are a jw, worldly, xjw, opposer, from press or what. What they will tell you, is a sugar coated pile of shit! They are trained to respond to calls dealing with this sort of thing. If you presented the question from the point of jw and not of being one leaving, you might have got a little different response. But Bethal will not tell you to shun or not to shun it's up to your "bible trained conscience".

What is this "bible trained conscience"? At meetings you hear who the enemy is, who the bad association is. You hear this over and over again. When you read wts publications, you hear who the bad association is. You hear what defines and apostate...Your "bible trained conscience" is so programmed that it's surprising that there are individuals who don't shun "apostate" relatives.

Don't kid yourself by what you heard over the phone. If relatives weren't to be shunned then they wouldn't have a section in the elder's book on it.

steve2

With all due respect EndofMysteries, you were blind-sided by Watchtower PR. Your reasoned prose belies awareness of how the Watchtower projects one face to the caller and another to the local individual.

Elders at Bethel who answer phone calls are thoruoghly trained in being "wise" to a wide range of callers, including those who could be genuine through to those who may have recording devices and are wanting to make a point, etc.

Look when I left in the 1980s I was given the same lily-white response from the local body of elders that you got from Watchtower PR:

It's a conscience matter for your family. The actual outcome: Family shunned me stating it was their conscience. Duh!

Sadly, you did not get an unexpected resonse at all. It's at least 30 years and still going...

EndofMysteries

The last few responses are missing the point. If calling and combined with those articles with your family members they will have to tell them it's a conscience matter, they have to back up what the articles say, so even if it's a PR smokescreen, calling them on the bluff, they'll have to support it, and then your family members no longer see it as a concrete requirement or they may ask themselves why such contrasts being printed.

I called Bethel about shunning family, unexpected response.....

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