Shunning is easy

by Paralipomenon 10 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Paralipomenon

  Upon reflection over the past 5 years of being out, I've had a lot of time to consider my time as a Witness as well as come to terms with my parents shunning us.

  That was the biggest shock for me. Contrary to most experiences I've read, my childhood, while focused on Witness matters was still pretty happy. Our family always seemed to fall on "family first, religion second". My mom tried to push for a "religion first" attitude, but it just didn't suit the rest of us.

  Upon reflecting on my family's decision to shun I did strike upon an interesting point. Shunning is the easiest thing to do.

  When you take a look at all the things that the Watchtower demands of its followers you notice a trend:

  Meetings, require study, planning, getting dressed up, travel back and forth

  Service every week, organization, setting up groups, finding territory and going door to door

  Daily text requires study

  Assemblies require more planning and financial expense

  Maintainence of the hall takes extra time on the weekend

  Elders have more meetings and parts to prepare for

  and so forth.

  We have all lived it, there is always something to do to keep you busy.

  All this you need to do to remain a Witness in good standing.

  What does shunning involve?

  Nothing.

  That's right, it requires you to do absolutely nothing. It is considered a major sacrifice and there is much consolation to the parents forced to shun a child or viceversa, but in reality it is the only activity required to keep you in good standing that you can do nothing to accomplish.

  It is easy doing nothing, and it is seen as a major test. You can parade around the hall feeling righteous because Satan has decided to test you personally and you are able to pass the test with ease.

  All other "feel good" tasks set out by the Watchtower require a fair bit of constant effort and time, but shunning actually gives you more time and has the Governing Body stamp of approval.

  The articles highlight how difficult it is and praises the sacrifice of those willing to put Jehovah first.

  I just had to shake my head at the level of manipulation required to pull this off.
• 

  BreathoftheIndianNose

  You really think its easy for parents, grandparents, siblings, and close friends to shun a loved one? Sorry but I have to disagree. To go against such a strong desire, need even, to show unconditional love to a daughter, son, grand-daughter, grand-son, sister, or brother, is certainly a painfully difficult thing. Its unnatural to shun a loved one. I say that it's, most likely, hell for the family members engaging in the shunning. The only thing that allows them to do this and override their strong desire for closeness to relatives, is the thought that is serving a better purpose, for all parties involved.
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  talesin

  I saw my father cry twice. Once, when my grt-grandfather died. He was NOT a JW, and one of the most beautiful and loving people I ever knew.

  The other time was when my sibling was disfellowshipped. My mother has always been a rabid JW, and even though dad was inactive at the time, he stood by her decision to shun. It broke my dad's heart, which is why he has never shunned me. After going through that for a couple of years until my sibling got reinstated, they decided they would never do that to their other child.

  Shunning may be easy for some, but they must have hearts of steel.

  tal
• 

  Jeffro

  You really think its easy for parents, grandparents, siblings, and close friends to shun a loved one? Sorry but I have to disagree.

  I think there's a distinction here about how it feels as opposed to the action (or rather, inaction) involved. The poster is not saying that it's emotionally easy, but just physically (not physiologically) 'easy' in comparison to other 'duties' that require specific actions.
• 

  BreathoftheIndianNose

  I agree it takes less action than most of the other requirements posed by the Watchtower, but it can still be difficult physically when brought in close proximity. If a JW mother, for example, sees her ex-jw daughter at a mall, she would have to walk away from the sittuation, not the other way around. However, it fails in comparison to the psychological difficulties. If the poster IS talking about it in a physical sense as opposed to a psychological one, then yes i agree. Shunning is much easier than the other requirements which involve action. Thanks Jeffro
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  I truly believe that the level of indoctrination of a person is what determines how easy it is for him to shun. Someone that has questions or a doubt or two but dares not investigate them (but rather just says to himself "Jehovah will fix it when he is ready) has already proven himself to be a little bit independent. This person....though captive by the organization possesses a brain and a heart. Shunning is out of the realm of normal for this person and it is very hard to do it.

  Then you have the hard liners. The ones that say "If the society says the sky is red.....then the sky is red". These are the ones that worship the organization under the pretense that it is worship of God. Loyalty to the organization is the same as loyalty to God. It is easy for these ones to sever previous relationships because they view God as the murderous, hate filled diety that he is depicted as in the Hebrew scriptures. God is displeased with this disfellowshipped person.....therefore it is easy for them to have a corresponding hatred for that person.

  This is easily seen with my FIL. This man is not evil.....and he does show compassion for other humans and animals. But when it comes to DFd people.....it is like he flips a switch. His own daughter is DFd (my wife's sister). You can hear and see the contempt and disgust when he mentions anything about her.
• 

  King Solomon

  Great point, paralip.

  So what's actually being tested is not so much their faith, but their level of indoctrination, their skills for emotional suppression: there are some who find that shockingly easy to do, being cold-hearted.

  Ironic then that for JWs, one's 'faith' actually is measuring how 'emotionally suppressed' they are! But even there, shunning affords the 'opportunity' to improve that skill, ie with each day they suppress themselves successfully, it reinforces the behavior, making it easier to do.

  Practice makes perfect!

  And the funny bit is, I used to have doubts about labeling it as a "cult", and of course an active JW will actually deny the term up and down, until they're blue I the face! They cannot see it, because they are unable, not knowing any other way (at least those who are 'mental born-ins')

  Jesus on sub-conscious: "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do...."
• 

  Kristina1972

  Yeah, doing nothing.

  Just like a child can go to an elder because they have been abused by a member of the congregation.

  If the accused denies the accusation and there are no witnesses, NOTHING gets done.

  No report to the parents.

  No report to the authorities.

  No help to the child who will probably continue to suffer at the hands of a pedophile.

  They are pretty good at doing nothing.
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  Quendi

  So often when the subject of shunning comes up, we focus on its impact on family members. Rarely do we mention how friendships are shattered and how difficult it is for the friends who are divided to cope. When I was disfellowshipped, my best friend and I went five years with only one conversation between us and that fell under the "necessary business" clause the WTS allows. But I finally decided to take matters in my own hands and get back together with him last year. JWN posters were a big help in this, particularly talesin, and gave me excellent counsel. Fortified by it, I tracked my friend down.

  His reaction upon seeing me summed it all up. Mark hugged me like he had never done before; hugged me and kissed me. That embrace said everything about the pain our separation had inflicted on him. I was closer to Mark than his two fleshly brothers and our meeting only reconfirmed it. That was a year ago and we have not spoken to each other since. The Society's hold on him is very strong--an iron grip--and he isn't strong enough yet to break it. Now we are separated by great distance as well. He is back in Colorado while I have moved to Alabama to look for work and to care for my infirm mother. I send him occasional e-mail knowing I will not get an answer, but I do it anyway to let him know that I still regard him as my best friend.

  You know what's the craziest thing about this whole fucked up business? Mark is disfellowshipped himself now! The difference between us is that he is actively seeking reinstatement, or was when we last spoke together. I have made it clear to him that I want absolutely nothing to do with this religion again for as long as I live. The WTS rules are so strict that contact even between two disfellowshipped persons is a violation. Can you believe that? Disfellowshipped persons are required to shun each other!! If they refuse to do so, their requests for reinstatement will be denied. The end of this despicable cult can't come soon enough.

  Quendi
• 

  NOLAW

  It is only morons that shun their family members. Do you think that all JWs follow the spims of the GB? The majority do not.