The past few weeks have been hectic.
But I went through an experience that has messed me up since.
I met up with an old friend one day who I know went apostate. It was a really bad day for me, which was really bad for me since I've been taking TTATT as a speed bump but still moving along in life with an ok adjustment. He since brought a really nice house, cars, new job, everything he always wanted without feeling guilt. We talked. I asked how he made the transition rather smoothly. He told me various things. But at the end of that conversation, he pulled out a pipe and a lighter. He asked if I wanted a puff. I declined. I've NEVER smoked or even came closed to using any type of narcotics in my life, never was I even tempted, because...
1) I've seen the damage to other people very close to me firsthand.
2) I take great pride in always being in control of myself.
Anyway, he told me when he feels any type of stress from the mind-rape he experienced, he takes a hit and it usually passes. All the while he was highway driving. So I thought, he's doing well in life, and he is driving while "high" of this stuff, it must not be that bad. Then what he told me next suprised me. He said it was legal. It's a synthetic form of marajuana, chemically induced THC. AND it does not show up in drug tests, AND it makes on feels euphoric emotions like marajuana. (The drug goes by the common names herbal incense, K2, and spice.)
Damn. It was all the makings of an after school special.
I took a puff. I felt nothing. He told me I had to hold it. I tried to hold it. Couldn't. Kept coughing it out immediately. I kept trying. On my 9th puff, yes, NINE, I held it. I was going somewhere. That place was nice, for a split second. Then it turned to HELL.
It is very difficult to explain to people whom have never used a mind-altering substance, or to overdose on it. If you have, you will understand what I went through. I didn't know what to expect or what was happening, how long it was going to last, or anything. But damn. I did research when I came home, and find out I experienced extreme psychosis, (which includes delusion, catatonia, hallucinations), combined with a level 4 psychadelic experience. I tried to write my experience down but it still makse no sense to me after, so I won't include it here. But, I've read people's bad trip experiences off this drug, and it was common that people stated they've never tripped like with this stuff. Common drug users said they were going back to using acid and normal weed because this was too much.
The scary ass place I went was scary as hell, but it was real. I feel like life has been/is fake and that's where reality is (strong junk it was). I've been extremely depressed since. Maybe it hit an irrepairable part of my brain (studies still haven't been conclusive on the long term effects of this crap).
I will NEVER use anything ever again. I am so disappointed in myself. I can't believe I fell for it. It was the worst mental state in which to use a drug, and I'm stuck in the state it feels like.
On a lighter but very serious note, The Matrix trilogy was on TV last week, and I watched the whole thing and actually understood it perfectly.