A Question About Shunning

Adumbra

Much has been said on what it is like to be shunned but I would like to hear from the other side of the practice: What is it like to shun?

Just to give you my perspective: I was raised a JW, but was never baptized and in fact I was only a real zealout for about 2 years of my life. For this reason when a friend of mine was disciplined for marijuanna possession it never even occured to me that I should shun him (I visited him the day after it was announced at the meeting to cheer him up). However, as an ex-JW (not sure if I can technically be called an apostate since I wasn't baptized) I am most certainly shunned by everyone I was close to in my congregation, which causes me to wonder: Do these people miss me as much as I miss them? Do they ever think of me?

If you have ever shunned a person I would like to know how it felt from your end. Did you feel a lot of anxiety and inner conflict over it? What exactly did you feel? Or did being a JW somehow reduce the stress you whould have otherwise felt. Did you feel anything at all?

EmptyInside

When I was a teenager and into my early 20's,two of my closest friends were disfellowshipped. It was really hard not talking to them,but I felt my loyalty to Jehovah should come first.

Although,to be honest,I did talk to them once or twice just after they were disfellowshipped. But,then,after that,haven't spoken to them in about 20 years. I would miss them from time to time. I was friends with them since grade school. Well,now,I talk to them and have gone out with them once or twice too. I'm happy they have forgiven me for not speaking to them for so many years.

I thought they had abandoned me and turned their back on God. But,now,I know it was really me being trapped in a high control group.

Sittingstraight

Fernando

Welcome to JWN Adumbra!

Anxiety and inner conflict for sure!

Sittingstraight

I am shunned as we speak! I guess the elders decided to have a pow wow withe their loving wives to not talk to me. Did I do anything.? NO! well maybe, I just don't give them respect and see through them and the hypocrisy . We have one Elder who is JESUS! and all the other ones are all behind him like little cowards. I hate the fact I have 2 kids in their 20s that think the way my husband thinks. I blame myself too, for helping them think "it's the truth" my oldest never got baptized , and it was because of him that my eyes were opened because of shunning him. He goe to memorial and those "shepherds" don't even say hi to him.
I'm a fader, it's safer to be a fader! I hate this org!

braincleaned

When I was active, I never EVER shunned anyone. It got me in trouble ever since I was a kid. My usual answer to the warnings of elders was "I talk to my dog, So I have no reason to not talk to a human." And if warned heavily, I would say "disfellowship me then, I know you can... you will make my point!" Having nothing else to reproach me, they would always drop it. I got lucky, I guess.

Only one time did one of my best friends who got disfellowshipped "played the game" and never answered my kindness. Because I loved him, I respected his want for punishment... weird, I know.

I am now a happy atheist, having left all this BS. I faded away, out of sight - hence all my family still treats me with kindness and in the most normal way possible. I'm technically 'inactive'... but soooo far from the madness.

Leeca

l'm shunned by my parents. Just sent a text to them saying how unloving it was and that i would never shun my kids (well they're adults), but always my kids to me.

They replied, their love is unconditional, yeah right, and its my fault cause i'm not doing what Jehovah wants, then mentioned disfellowshipping. l'm not disfellowhipped! Just faded.

So delusional and narrow minded. No reasoning with them at all. So over it, they might as well be dead to me. Had enough.

Both have major health problems, they're not getting any younger. Maybe they will regret when they need someone to look after them as their health deteriorates more.

NewChapter

I only shunned one person. I was conflicted. I felt the shunning could be damaging to them, but felt if I didn't then Jehovah would get angry. It made me physically sick to come to the decision. The person just kept assuring me that she loved me, and when I was ready to talk to her again, she was there. I felt incredibly guilty, and I felt like what I was doing was downright abusive. I tried not to think about it. In my honest moments, I would feel like a monster and a horrible friend and person. And that was the beginning of the end for me. I don't know how big a role that shunning played in getting me to open my eyes, but it clearly showed me there was a deep conflict within my heart.

Two years later I called her and said I was never going back to the KH, and I was so sorry I had treated her so badly. True to her word, she was delighted I had called, and picked up like no time had passed. She said she just waited and believed we would talk again.

NC

Cacky

I had a nervous breakdown, tough not diagnosed, didn't see a doctor over it, but from being made to feel I should shun my duaghter, who was 18, so I did for a time. Anxiety and conflict don't even begin to describe it!!

00DAD

NC thanks for sharing your experience. When we were in we (of course) never heard anyone express how painful it is to shun someone. JWs are conditioned to think that any feelings are "a lack of faith".

On the other hand I don't know that many JWs think of how it makes the person being shunned feel. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've come to think that JW "Theology" squashes any natural empathy or compassion a person may feel for others. It's so sadly ironic as this is the exact opposite of what JWs claim to be all about.

But we all know how just about everything about JWs beliefs is false.

A Question About Shunning

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