Dear Watchtower?

by ldrnomo 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  ldrnomo

  Dear Timebandit,

  As the watchtower says, "cleanliness is next to Godliness" it is good to keep clean, however when touching yourself in certain areas causes arousel you should either cut off that part of you body or refrain from cleaning it. As Christians we realize that it is not important to become aroused sexually in anyway because it takes away from the sanctity of the clean God Jehovah. So it is sometimes better to stop the practice all together. However, if you choose to stop taking showers don't come into any New York area Kindom Halls that members of the GB attend.

  The Watchtower
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  MC RubberMallet

  Dear Watchtower,

  Why is 'Watchtower' BEFORE 'Bible' in the name, Watchtower Bible and Tract Society? Ain't the Bible supposed to be more important?
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  Dear Watchtower,

  More and more I find myself feeling comfortable in my life; the more I like myself, and my life, the worse this gets. Now since I remember numerous parts from assemblies of speakers saying, "if you are comfortable in Jehovah's service your not doing things right, because when you are doing things right, you're never comfortable" my question is, should I hate myself more so I can be a better slave of Jehovah and his visible organization?

  Sincerely, DLL
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  MC RubberMallet

  #2 (pun intended)

  Whenever I need your help, and beseech your assistance in a letter, you will write a letter advising me to pray, and Jehovah will provide. I've needed financial assistance and this was the most you have done for me. It was SO faith-strengthening! I did get evicted but I know Jehovah allowed me to be tested.

  Anyway, I think it's only fair that when YOU need material assistance in funding your work, maintaining your buildings, or making sure your bethel family has food, I will keep your letter in mind and ask that you pray, and allow Jehovah to provide. Yep, that annual article about how to donate in November mags, I will say it was good food at the proper time, BUT Jehovah will take care of you. All the while keeping my unrighteous riches to myself.

  Is that ok with you? Well, it better be.
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  JW GoneBad

  MC RubberMallet, that was hilarious!
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  ShirleyW

  Dear Watchtower

  I haven't stepped foot in one of your KH's since the early 80's and I have no interest in doing so. I like to take part in websites with other folks like me who no longer believe in your teachings, however, I've heard that the Society has put together a DVD with a character called Sparlock in it. Ever since this DVD was created even your faithful apostates have gotten all caught up in it. I can't even go to a certain apostate website without reading about it. Why oh why did you create such a film that even the so-called apostates are all caught up in? Is this your way of saying "gotcha !" to them are something ? ? ? Could you please do magic and make this DVD disappear from the earth tomorrow ??
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  edmond dantes

  Dear Watchtower,

  Isn't the internet part of the World and , technically speaking, is it not evil that you have your own web site ?
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  ldrnomo

  Dear Mallet,

  In answer to your first question, as you know the Bible was long written before the Watchtower so the Faithful Slave has determined that any new light presented by the Watchtower comes before the old light found in the Bible therefore Watchtower comes first.

  We are glad that you faithfully pray to us when you need help. Of course you know that one person is much less important then the spreading of the good news of the kingdom so if your having a hard time then just simply get a job. It can't be that hard, there are many fast food restaurants throughout the world. We of course have a very important work to do and it requires a considerable amount money to build buildings, go on trips around the world to give talks and buy printers. We have been very succesful getting our brothers from all over the earth to donate all the money they have so we can continue to eat food at the proper time provide food at the proper time we have come out with a number of new projects because of you sending us your hard earned money.

  There is a new video out you may have heard of it. It is designed to brainwash young children to serve us without question. Without you money we wouldn't be able to come up with these wild new videos

  Thank you and bless you and we hope you GET A JOB

  The Watchtower
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  blond-moment

  I am so loving these haha.
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  ldrnomo

  Dear ShirleyW

  We are saddened to hear that you have not been to a Kindom Hall in many years. We hope you are still sending us money. It is too bad that your are listening to the specious teachings of bitter former brothers and sisters on apostate websites. As you mentioned we have created a special warrior wizard who we like to call Sparlock. Please be assured that all Governing Body members have stopped sleeping with their own personal Sparlock charecters and have decided as a group to throw into the trash bin.

  We created the film and charecter because our young ones are leaving us left and right and we wanted to stem the tide so with much prayer and meditation we decided to come up with a grand series of mindless poorly done videos that would capture the minds of children from 3-6 years old. We know that the spirit of the world is overtaking our Rank and File members and we needed to do somthing drastic so we chose to start a campaign to win the hearts and minds of young children.

  The Watchtower