Please help me with my presentation: Nancy, et al.

compound complex

Better late than never to enlist the aid of my creative and intelligent friends! ()

Nancy Drew gave me a wonderful idea for my presentation on character development. The character was enjoying an outdoor lunch when, out of nowhere, came the thunderous sweep of jet aircraft overhead. It was not a military maneuver but a scheduled air show.

In character development it is not wrong for the narrator to explain what's going on, i.e., that the luncher is both terrified and unsettled by the noise and confusion overhead. She can't finish her meal. Other spectators are delighted. This is not cinema, where the terror etched on her face - visible to the audience - would require no words.

My question to you is this: How would you, in words, SHOW what the terrified lady is thinking, e.g., body language, et cetera?

Thanks!

CoCo

NewChapter

Terror ripped through her as vibrations from the thunderous noise pummelled her body. Her throat sqeezed tight, but could not hold back the scream that tore through the barrier. She curled her body and clutched her head, wating for impact. She waited for the screams and blood and flying limbs. Sweat broke out in prickly dots and stung her palms. Air forced its way through the blockage in her throat and over the pounding of her heart the sounds came. The screams and shouts of those around her. The laughter. Laughter?

LOL---its awful. I hate writing on the fly, without revising 36 times, but this is how I would start. What I would end up with---who knows---but this is how I would start.

NC

compound complex

This is wonderful, NewChapter!

No need to revise 36 times. I will copy this (by hand - printer problems) and share it with my group.

Many thanks!

Will let you know how it goes.

CoCo

nancy drew

You've taken my experience and made it crazy. It was a little unsettling but not terrifying the people around us we're into it and seemed to know what the next moves would be. i just don't like watching people do dangerous things but sometimes you get surprised and find yourself in attendance. Years ago I unsuspectingly if that's a word found myself at a karate demo which started out innocent enough untll a man with a huge samuri sword came out and he laid a man on a bench with a watermelon on his stomach and two women knelt down on each side holding cantalopes in their hands and the real surprise was that they then blindfolded the man with the sword and the room got real quiet and he proceeded to slice all the melons in half without killing the people. i really didn't need to see that for entertainment or whatever that was.

Hope your presentation goes well

compound complex

Thanks, Nancy, for that added scenario. Now that was scary!

That's me, taking something relatively mundane and amping up the voltage and making it crazy! Hope you don't mind, as onlookers in the tale can get an exaggerated sense of what's occurring amongst others ... that would be me, the observer of the observer.

HEY - another idea!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

I'll let you know how it goes (90 minutes and counting).

snowbird

I would love to help you out, CoCo, but, alas, since my illness, my creativity seems to have fled.

NewChapter

That's me, taking something relatively mundane and amping up the voltage and making it crazy! Hope you don't mind, as onlookers in the tale can get an exaggerated sense of what's occurring amongst others ... that would be me, the observer of the observer.

That's how fiction works! Look at the Sparlock phenomena! Just a few moments on film, and now he has a rich and full pretend life.

Oh dear CoCo. You're going to share it. Had I known, I WOULD have done my 36 revisions so that it could have really been a worthy example. But I suppose that is the SHOW don't TELL rule.

NC

compound complex

Dear Ladies, Sylvia and NewChapter:

Thank you both for your input. I certainly understand, Syl, as I was there, too, for an extended, barren patch. It seemed to coincide with my being sans my own pc for some 3 months. You'll get better petit a petit.

I presented your work first, NC. My theme was terror. The audience, of course, envisioned a horrific conflagration. Then I described the actual scenario of the diner's hyperbolic reaction to what was merely a loud and dazzling air show. Not Nancy but my convoluted screaming MiMi was, in her own failing heart and mind, experiencing Armaggedon. We see the character not only in her own words and actions but also in how her companions relate to her.

Both of you made it work for me. Wish you could have heard the appreciative murmuring and clucking of the group!

Love,

CoCo

tec

You could also have your character observing the people around her, in contrast to what she is feeling? (I see that you have finished this time, and it sounds as if you did a great job, but another technique for another time).

Her heart pounded, her throat closed. In confusion she stared at the people around her, sitting calmly and smiling up at the thunder coming from the sky. She wanted to shout, 'run, flee!' but could scarcely draw breath. She glanced at the children dancing nearby, eyes darting frantically for the mothers who should have been snatching them close. Then the noise increased, and she could do nothing more than close her eyes and wait for the pain and end to come.

Peace,

tammy

compound complex

What a wonderful alternate story line, Tammy.

She alone realizes what truly is happening, yet everyone else is oblivious to the actual danger descending around them, invisible but deadly dementors intent on sucking all life, all vitality, all ...

Oh, sorry - that's a potter's tale....

CoCo

Please help me with my presentation: Nancy, et al.

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