Thanks For The Warm Welcome

RJB

Thank you one and all for the nice welcome after I posted yesterday.
I already feel like one of you. I am so sorry as I have read some of the other posts of so many people who have been hurt in deep ways by the brothers, and although I can understand that a little, I can't understand why more effort isn't made to try to correct the situtation. I could never undersatand why people were so concerned about going from house to house to visit someone who really doesn't want you there in the first place, and then neglect some brother or sister who whould really appreciate a friendly visit.
Since my situation right now is one of being alone, how does one go about looking for someone to have a relationship with. I'm not into the bar sceen and I don't like the dating sights on the net either. Could someone give me some advse on how to start looking for a female who whould appreciate a loving relationship. I apologize if this is not the right place or way to put this, but I don't know any other way to express it. I live in the WV area, northern panhandle between Ohio and PA.
Thanks again for the warm reception. I will post other thoughts as time goes on if that is ok.
Love,
RJB

peaceloveharmony

hi RJB and welcome!

just some ideas on where and how to meet people:

coffee shops
bookstores
library
take a class on anything that interests you
volunteer

as a jw for so long, you were used to meeting people during jw functions, now you need to learn how the rest of the world meets others. get out and do stuff:) it can be a little terrifying at first but eventually you will find that it is fun striking up conversations with people when you are not trying to convert them or show them the truth. you end up having more "real" conversations. plus, if you end up taking a class or two, you'll learn stuff also!

and a tip from a chick--we don't like to feel we are being hit on. i personally will talk to men i don't know if they treat me like i am a person. if they are just hitting on me, i ignore them. i have a boyfriend so i'm not looking for a man but i love a good conversation and have met quite a few cool people just by striking up a conversation. and take your time and date women. don't jump at the first woman who shows an interest and then stop trying to meet other women. meet lots of them!

one more thing too--if you want to meet friends--these same places can help you do that too!

i hope this helps!

good luck:)

love harmony

Edited by - peaceloveharmony on 18 January 2001 15:39:42

Roamingfeline

Another bit of good advice: Don't appear so needy for love.. because others sense that and they back away. Needy people tend to be possessive and controlling in relationships, and women HATE that. When you work on yourself, and learn to feel good about who you are, and aren't so needy, then love will find it's way to YOU.

RCat

mommy

Well looks like woman are the only ones who know how to pick up woman!
My advise is to NOT look for it, it will find you. I mean don't look for love in every woman you meet. Find a friend or two have GREAT relationships. Forget about your history(no offense). DO NOT talk about your past experiences, and if the woman wants to talk about hers, change the subject.
The past is the past is the past. You can not change this! Just start every day as a NEW day:) If you have a great attitude about life you will draw good people around you. If you don't have such a good attitude PRETEND, their attitude will eventually rub off.
Last but not least GOOD LUCK(sorry luck is demonized) GOOD FORTUNE! And happy hunting:)
mommy
And of course a mommy has to say this...Put on clean underwear everday:)(gee the mountain dew is really kickin in tonight!)

larc

Mommy,

I must be a lesbian. I really like women. (Are you blushing?)

As a man, I disagree with one thing you said, about changing the subject if a woman talks about her past or her troubles. I think it is a good idea to really listen to her and care about what she says. Very few men, from my observation, do that. However, if that's all she talks about hour after hour, day after day, I would say, move on.

mommy

Larc,
I always knew you were a good guy:) I agree and that is what I meant. And no I am not blushing Zazu would kill me:)
wendy

larc

RJB,

Something you said, not part of the main subject struck me. The fact that they spend so much time trying to bring others in and almost no time on helping their own, whether its with physical or spiritual impoverishment. I read so many stories here of people drifting away and no one comes to see them for a year, two or even three years, but as soon as they get wind of a mistake on your part they are at your door step to send you to a judicial meeting.

Oh, and another thing about women that the women talked about here, not wanting to feel they are being hit on. Don't think of a woman as a roll in the hay on the short run or a perspective mate in the long run, just think of her as another person, like your mother, sister, or aunt, unless you would like to shoot your mother, sister, or aunt, cause then it won't work.

amicus

Hi RJB,
I don't like bars either and I've never tried the net.
I think I agree with all of the above suggestions. Just be yourself, be friendly, and take your time. I have met women in the grocery store, city park, front door (census taker), pysc. class, yoga class (X2), aerobics class (X2), rock concert, sierra club functions, work (X3, but do NOT date anyone you work with) and wedding receptions. Basically any where you go, but I'll empasize, be conversational don't just try to hit on someone. It may take a while before you meet someone, but women are fun to talk to. Find some hobbies you enjoy that are group activities and get involved in those.
Good Luck (there's that L word again),
amicus

waiting

Hey RJB,

Glad to meet you. One thing about the net - it does teach you to converse - and to think quickly in some instances. Take a crack at Red - you'll find out how fast you have to be.....

Imho, the following question - have you ever wondered why women, in general, like gay guys to converse with, even hang out with? The guys are usually funny, wickedly so. They may not be assured of their masculinity, but they don't seem to care anymore. They gossip, laugh at non-male stuff, etc. They can make small talk endlessly. These things translate into having fun and feeling safe at the same time and having someone to talk to while just hanging out.

And learn to dance! If you've ever been to a gathering, particularily jw groups where there is dancing "allowed" - a man who can dance and be at ease will never be alone - unless he is an absolute smelly loser (the clean underwear mentioned by Wendy comes into play here, btw.) Why do women dance with each other? Line dance with 50 other women? They love to dance and will find a way - but they generally prefer to dance with men, imho.

Dancing, laughing, talking - sounds nice.

waiting

ps - my husband taught me to "Shag" - a style of dance done mainly in the South usa ("like the jitterbug on qualudes") - he's not a talker, but that made up for it. He can't tell jokes well either, but Lord! did that man learn to snuggle when he learned what the results could be!

Edited by - waiting on 19 January 2001 10:32:41

happytobefree

If you want to attract women, first learn to attract yourself. After being in the org. you spent so much time doing things, you never have the time to know yourself. All of the suggestions above were great. But another is to take up a hobby or interest you always wanted to and then you are sure to meet people that you already have a common ground with. But I'm a true believer in if you are content with yourself, you will give off an aura that will attract women. And don't fall into the trap of the JW thinking, anytime you are with a member of the opposite sex - it's about sex. Learn that the opposite sex has a brain and there is so much more to learn and dating is for growth and not marriage and sex.

Happy to Be Free (Me)

Thanks For The Warm Welcome

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