For Non-Cat Lovers

by waiting 9 Replies latest social humour

  • waiting

    I received this letter 13 years ago - and wickedly hung onto it for just an occasion as this:

    Dear Madam:

    I know you are always interested in looking for opportunities for investment. I don't know if you would be interested in this, but I thought I would mention it to you because it could be a real "sleeper" in making a lot of money with very little investment.

    A group of us are considering investing in a large cat ranch near Columbia, South Carolina. It is our purpose to start rather small, with about one million cats. Each cat averages about 12 kittens each year; skins can be sold for about 20 cents for the white ones and up to 40 cents for the black. This will give us 12 million cat skins per year to sell at an average price of around 32 cents, making our revenues about $3 million a year. This really averages out to $10 thousand a day - excluding Sundays and holidays.

    A good cat man can skin about 50 cats per day at a wage of $3.65 per hour. It will take only 663 men to operate the ranch, the net profit would be over $8,200 per day.

    Now, the cats would be fed on rats exclusively. Rats multiply four times as fast as cats. We would start a rat ranch adjacent to our cat farm. If we start with a million rats, we would have four rats per day for each cat. The rats will be fed on the carcasses of the cats that we skin. This will give each rat a quarter of a cat. You can see by this that this business is a clean operation, self-supporting and really automatic throughout. The cats will eat the rats and the rats will eat the cats and we will get the skins.

    Let me know if you are interested; as you can imagine, I am rather particular who I want to get into this, and want the fewest investors possible.

    Eventually, it is my hope to cross the cats with snakes, for they will skin themselves twice a year. This will save labor costs of skinning as well as give me two skins for one cat.

    May I hear from you at your earliest opportunity.

    Well, after much calculations - I decided to decline this speculative venture. But there was some valid points made, don't you think?

  • Frenchy

    I love it!

  • RedhorseWoman

    Oh, fine....just fine. You KNEW we would be curious and would look at this. The cat was helping me surf, and when he saw this he went into shock. But before he did, he blamed ME for the post and sunk his teeth into my thumb.

    I know you won't mind sending me your address so that I can send you the bills for the medical treatment for me and the psychological treatment for my poor cat. :p

  • Simon

    So who do I send my cheque to ?
    Will I be able to visit the ranch ??

  • waiting

    It's amazing how many people I've shown that letter to that really don't get that it's a joke until the snake part.

    And even more people think I have a weird sense of humor for still laughing at it for 13 years!

    Redhorse, you really should have known better than to read this letter to your cat. You need to own up to your error in sharing this message with him/her. I, like the Society, take no responsibility for what you "read" into my articles. Buy your own bandage - and slap the cat.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Looky at what I dug up on about page 5

    I'd be interested in a cat farm, but I'd keep 'em all for pets

  • Hope4Others

    So now I know the rest of the story........

    I like cats but these are just butt ugly.........

    Tee hee heee!


  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Heeeeer kitty kitty kitty!

  • chickpea
  • Quirky1

    A good cat is a dead cat.

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