"Axis of Evil" - satire - Bush speech

by waiting 4 Replies latest social humour

• 

  waiting

  From: [email protected]
  To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
  Subject: Axis of Evil
  Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 12:23:11 -0500 (EST)

  Subject: Axis of Evil

  In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil" --

  NY Times, 1/30/02

  ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL. Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs

  Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

  Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
  having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
  Evil...whatever!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."

  Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
  although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

  "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

  THE AXIS PANDEMIC - International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

  Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

  With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

  While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

  Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
  privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

  Copyright (c) 2002, SatireWire
• 

  Englishman

  Waiting,

  Q. What do you know about the defence of Paris?

  A. No one knows as its never been tried yet.

  Englishman.

  Truth exists;only falsehood has to be invented. -Georges Braque
• 

  waiting

  Duh........I actually thought you were asking me that question - and was rightly indignant because I don't have a clue. Then reread.........

  It's been a long week - and it's only Tuesday. *sigh* and *sigh*

  waiting

  ps: Is it global to pick on Paris?
• 

  lauralisa

  E-man, you must know that Christo tried to wrap the fence of Paris a long time ago, and he was successful. Don't try and mess with waiting's mind, here.

  this place is weird lately......

  PS thanks for the parody, waiting. It was a much needed humor-moment. Love to you,

  laura
• 

  waiting

  howdy lauralisa!

  .www.SatireWire.com

  which entitles itself "Because you can read, and we have a site." My kind of logic. Pertaining to our French friends:

  FRENCH JUDGE GIVES TALIBAN WIN
  Afghan Fighters' Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher

  Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) — Despite making what most observers agreed were "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation.
  
  British and American Defense Secretaries Hoon (left) and Rumsfeld cannot hide their dismay as their marks are posted. The decision snatched triumph away from a U.S./U.K. pair who most agreed put on a magical, career-defining performance last month. It also stirred an immediate controversy, as analysts questioned how five judges — from France, Russia, China, Poland, and Ukraine — could have scored the Taliban higher than the American/British fighters.

  "When the Americans and British finished, I thought, 'That's it. They've won,'" said Abdur Muhammed, a former Syrian general and now color commentator with Al Jazeera. "But when I saw the scores last night, frankly, I was embarrassed for our profession."

  However, a defiant Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French judge who marked the Taliban a 5.9 out of a possible 6.0 for artistic impression, insisted the Afghan regime was much more eloquent.

  "Hiding in caves, fighting with inferior weapons, the maneuvers they attempted were clearly more difficult," said Le Gougne. "And artistically, they were much more graceful, particularly with their hands."

  "But their hands primarily went up," responded CNN military color analyst Gen Wesley Clark..

  "Yes, but they were very fluid movements," Le Gougne answered.

  That explanation only heightened calls for reform in warfare judging, and by today, pressure was mounting on the International Warfare Union to at least declare the U.S./U.K. duo as co-winners.

  Taliban leader Mullah Omar, however, defended the scoring. "I don't see what the debate is about," he said. "Victory goes to whomever pleases the judges. We fought beautifully and deserved this win."

  While clearly devastated, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld refused to be drawn into the debate. "War is subjective. It's judged," he said. "As soldiers we have to be happy that we did our best, and put this behind us."

  British Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon, however, hinted the U.K. may consider retiring from war. "When you work so hard to make your dreams come true, only to have them snatched away like this, it's... it's disillusioning," said Hoon, as he buried his face in his hands. "I only hope our judges return the favor the next time France competes."

  Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

  Cool site for people who can read

  waiting

  ps: why won't this address become a click? O woe is me - what a friggin' week!