marriage without affection/sex/touching

by zeb 67 Replies latest social relationships

  • zeb

    Yes thats my situation. some where along the path of life the WT guilt trip was dumped on our marriage and we havent had sex for years.

    anyone else? The hearts and flowers and gifts and doing the cleaning, the house work and paying the daily accounts never being drunk on drugs playing the horses or screwing others yep its all there but nothing coming back due to the WT guilt trip.

    They made so much of 'oral sex' and 'pornea' incorrectly quoted at that and ventured thereby into areas they were patently very ill equipped to comment on. I feel someone at bethel watched some vile aggressive porno and believed that was that. Pornos dont show tenderness and no one talks in them. The WTS have so little regard for the intelligence of its members ( sorry people on their 'personal mission' ) they assume the porno screen is the normal mariage bed. Wrong! But sex is a very fragile thing as body image time place stress too many meetings all with bad news shopping paying the bills kids, work, monthlies... all have a bearing on ability and satisfaction.

    Its rather emarkable that having done the pornea thing to death the most recent magazines skip past it just so lightly. Hnnn.

    Like i say not in years.....

  • flipper

    ZEB- I have empathy for your situation. In my first marriage to a fanatic JW woman ( divorced in 1998 after 19 years married ) the WT society made a practice of snooping in on OUR sex life as well. Actually my JW ex-wife invited the elders into our bedroom life by falsely accusing me of forcing her to participate in oral sex , yet she willingly participated towards me and she enjoyed receiving it. Yet lied to the elders telling them I forced it. That was basically a red flag that the marriage was over. Especially when she called a couple close JW buddies of mine saying I FORCED oral sex on her !

    It may be time for you to reassess your marriage to see if your partner wants this control from the WT society in your bedroom or is upset about it also. If your partner abides by the WT society's control of your sex life- it may be time to leave and start a new life so you can gain sexual happiness ! I ended up having to do that. Nobody should have to live their life with no sex life or being TOLD what to do regarding that sex life . I wish you success and good luck. WT society is a pervie organization bent on destroying marriages and families ! I'm happy now and have a great non-Witness wife for 6 years now . Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • flipper

    ZEB- I might add ( forgot ) - the WT society kept us all so busy with field seervice every Saturday morning and meetings Sunday mornings that most JW's had NO TIME for sex and a fulfilling physical relationship ! It's fantastci having a lot more time to give attention to that part of my life now. Just a thought. Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • SixofNine

    what about with yourselves? Do you both do that?

    What do you think people should talk about in pornos?

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    Just ROn and I went through a long period where our sex life was very limited. We had babies and I had post partum depression, and then we had the WTS flapping endlessly about all the things we shouldn't be doing in bed. I put on weight, I was constantly stressed out over trying to follow all the rules and meet all the requirements the WTS was pushing. I was a mess, and I just didn't see that the source of my problems was my failure to be my authentic self - the self that wouldn't waste time trying to please an unpleasable publishing company posing as a religion.

    Nothing he did was enough to fix the problem, and I swear he did everything he could think of to try to make it better. He cooked, he cleaned, he took care of the kids, he was always nice to me, he always considered my feelings, and he has always been very diligent about making sure I get as much out of sex as he does. There was nothing he could do to fix me, because he wasn't the problem. The only cure was for me to start being me again - and I did to some degree for a while before we got out of the WTS. Now that we are totally free of their influence, we feel like we are ourselves again and that leads to more intimacy and closeness.

    I wish you the best of luck in pulling your spouse out of that evil organization.

  • Scott77

    I was a mess, and I just didn't see that the source of my problems was my failure to be my authentic self - the self that wouldn't waste time trying to please an unpleasable publishing company posing as a religion.
    finally awake

    You said it the best way I wanted it to be! This organisation is never pleased. The demand e.g., money, time, resources and the whole life of its slaves is an endless nightmare for many. Yet, its rich organisation. Those people who lives in NY state have all their needs catered for.


  • Nambo

    I remember an Elder in my local congregation saying from the platform, that as soon as youve had sex, you have to have a shower and change the bed linen!

    I wonder what scripture he got that from?, maybe the one where it says "it is in vain that they worship me as they teach doctrines of men as commandments"

    Now as a single man that came in from the ouside world, and in my 20s, I was constantly hung up on the fear that if I did meet a nice Sister, that the chances are, that after marriage I would never actually see her naked, and that the kinkiest sex to be expected would bt missionary with the lights off.

    As it turned out, when I did meet a Sister, she was so innocent that she hadnt even heard of oral sex, but it didnt really matter as much as the emotional attachment, but because I had a job and a mortgage, and only managed Auxiliary Pioneering during my holidays, I was classed as one of the Untouchables, so the Elders told her she would please Jehovah more by ditching me and finding a pioneer. Which she did, though within a week she was asking me out again, but by then I had got so down that my Attachment Disorder had firmly kicked in and I didnt respond.

    It was that incident that more than any other convinced me Jehovah didnt want me so within a few years I committed what I felt at the time to be deliberate self-damnation by falling away.

  • 00DAD

    I was married to a born-in JW for over 20 years. Although things started pretty hot, the last 10 years essentially a celibate marriage.

    There is no question that most JWs, especially born-ins, are sexually repressed. Normal, healthy sexual desires and expressions are squashed.

    It's been said before, but it bears repeating: This is one f*cked-up religion!

  • panhandlegirl

    Is it not crazy to let some old men in NYC dictate your sex life? I actually thought the Health Dept was going to find out about our sex life and I was going to lose my job.It was so stressful and you don't dare ask anyone else about what is normal (not even your sisters) and what isn't. Yes, they mess up your life with their rules and then go on their merry way leaving marriages shattered. I hope you can work things out. I am sure she also misses all that closeness and sexual outlet. Women are very sexual creatures!

  • TD
    The hearts and flowers and gifts and doing the cleaning, the house work and paying the daily accounts never being drunk on drugs playing the horses or screwing others yep its all there...

    That's a man speaking...All of that is good, but your wife is not going to have sex with you out of a sense of reciprocity or gratitude for your good behaviour. There are lots of self-help books out there to help you understand what will work and why.

  • Quarterback

    Wow, Flipper.

    You had field service on Saturday morning, and a Sunday morning meeting to participate in, and that didn't giveyou enough time for sex.

    I wish I had your sex life.

  • JRK


    That sucks, but not in a good way.


  • Vanderhoven7

    Sexual denial is a serious issue in marriage. I Cor. 7:2-5

    Sounds like your wife may have forgiveness/anger/ issues.

    Do you think/feel that she loves/likes you?

    Have you gone for counselling?

  • thecrushed

    Thats news to me! I can't have ORAL sex!?! WOW! I had to teach my wife how to do oral and now we perform it on eachother often and she loves it. I hope she doesn't read something from the WT that is going to destroy our currently good sex life. Where is it said that we can't have oral sex as a married couple? wtf! no one has a right to interfere in a legally binded married couples sex life. I stand here dumbfounded and flabergasted!

  • steve2

    Hi again crushed. Yes, the organization has written about the very issue of oral sex on several occasions, implying if not stating directly that it is unchristian and reflects wordly sexual practices. I'm hoping some informed reader will see your query and give you the references to the relevant Watchtower magazines or refer you to threads where this topic has been discussed.

  • zeb

    Been to counsellors many times down the years. She left the last one in tears the counsellor that is.

    Talk in pornos/ Porno are about display not closeness so talking isnt it its all physical.

    Re books yes there are lots I have purchased some and she has refused to read any of them.

    I am used to the miserable life I have but i thought i would raise the issue and its causes.

    Good health and positive feelings to you all.

    Holy Crap! I just read it. Shower and wash the sheets? Hes one sick puppy he is. But it should not surprise us. In an org that picks it leaders by the way they dress the 'hours' they put in or whether the can handle a microphone or open windows. Not on real qualifications with people being formal 'Interpersonal skills', "Counsellor Training" or what quality study course they have done on marriage and relationships.

    The lunatics are in charge of the assylum!

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    yikes marraige #1 went weird. Her head was so messed up she acted out sexually. NOt a pretty sight

  • bigmac

    my first marriage--it was a threesome.




  • TD
    Re books yes there are lots I have purchased some and she has refused to read any of them.

    Of course she refused to read them. The low drive/asexual spouse truly does not understand that there's a problem despite anything you may say or how many times you may say it. You're the only one that can change things because you're the only one that wants things to change, so books would be for you, not her. Think of it like trying to reason with a JW only worse. The JW is not going to be the one to read the 'apostate' literature

    This is an especially easy trap for men to fall into because it feeds off the differences between men and women. The man thinks his wife should have sex with him out of gratitude or in reciprocity for his kindness and good behavior and that's not how women see the world. The woman thinks her husband wouldn't be kind or behave well if he was unhappy in any way and that's not how men see the world.

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    Sad to say the lest!

Share this topic

Related Topics