What should I do?

Kool Jo

Hello everyone

It was announced a few days ago that a good friend of mine from another congregation was disfellowshiped...we knew each other for a few years, really appreciated her company, had a great sense of humor...someone you could talk to and confide in.

I'm still shocked to hear that she was DF, she was a pioneer up to January...I'm very familiar with her congregation as I've visited there...we often text and exchange emails quite often.

She's not aware that I know of her being D/F...I don't know if she still goes to her to KHall and feel really bad for her because after reading some of the stories online of what being D/F can do, I wouldn't want her to go thru that?

I'd love to contact her and tell her not to worry and perhaps relate some of the experiences from this site along with some of the info I'm finding out...but I don't know if she's going to give in to the fear of being shunned and then tell the elders that I'm an apostate?

So how should I handle it?

Peace

Kool Jo

Razziel

Call her up, see how she's doing. Don't tell her you know she's DF'd. See what she tells you, and then feel out what her attitude about the whole situation is, before you out yourself. Be careful, she's probably going through a very emotionally turbulent time. Even if she says she's not going back, she may always change her mind when the loss of family/friends really kicks in, and she could still out you later on. So tread carefully. Perhaps you can mention some of the helpful things you've learned on the forum without actually divulging you got the information from EX-JW sources.

anezthy

Good advice Razziel. to Kool Jo: Just keep going on like you don't know a thing. Keep your friendship going and let her decide on her future. A true friend is at your side at all times.

craigulous

Another thought is if you have her email address you can open a new email address for yourself that she will not connect to you and email her articles and links of information that you would not overtly share with her for fear of being outed yourself. That way you can be more neutral in your regular communication with her.

diamondiiz

If she tells you that she's df, implying you shouldn't be talking to her. Tell her that true friends aren't conditional as to their stand in their religion or what they choose to belief. Reassure her that she hasn't done anything to you for you to shun her.

Be careful not to say anything about wts unless she was df for apostasy otherwise she might rat you out to the elders, unfortunately one can never trust believing dubs, df or not.

Kool Jo

Thanks for the great ideas...I'm thinking I'm going to let a couple more days pass before emailing her, because her being DF was announced at the last meeting....and like what ya'll said...Im going to pretend I don't know she was.

I know it's going to be hard for her and thats why I want to be here as someone she can talk to...the cong was like her family, since her biological family lives outside the USA.

Will keep ya'll posted when I send her the email in a few days time...I sure hope she'll respond.

Peace

Kool Jo

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

I'd suggest doing a bit of research so that when the subject comes up, you can reason with her that the JW judicial and disfellowshipping procedures are unscriptural. It's certainly not something Jesus taught. It's rather similar to the procedures the Sanhedrin used to condemn Jesus. And shunning is something that is common among high-control cults.

Crisis of Conscience

Kool Jo, I've emailed or contacted several disfellowshipped people through Facebook. I let them know that their JW status no longer matters to me and that if they need a friend, an unconditional one, I am available.

So far, it's turned out good and they have been thankful. But I haven't discussed the truth about "the truth" with all of them. That is where things can get tricky.

I say give it a shot. Why not? It seems like one of the best times to aid someone to open their eyes.

CoC

DesirousOfChange

Even if she says she's not going back, she may always change her mind when the loss of family/friends really kicks in, and she could still out you later on. So tread carefully.

Read and re-read this part of Razziel's advice.

Now read it again.

TREAD CAREFULLY!

Doc

Kool Jo

Sad to say my friend hasn't responded to the email I sent her...she usually does...

I guess she's following the protocol of not communicating to active JW's.

What should I do?

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