This was posted on Jehovahs Witnesses on the Web

by jesussaves 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • jesussaves
    jesussaves

    The Title to this post was 'The perfect presentation to cofuse householders

    'Greetings, I'm a member of the great crowd of other sheep rendering sacred service to the Ancient of Days in the earthly courtyard of the spiritual temple by following the example of the fine shepherd and engaging as a pioneer in preaching the good news of the kingdom with the sword of the spirit. We are helping to warn those not familiar with the Divine Name that the second presence of the Chief Agent of Life has begun, and soon the last days will reach their culmination when the scarlet-colored wild beast will turn on the harlot and destroy Babylon the Great, beginning the great tribulation which is climaxed by Har-Magedon and the ruler of the world, now in Tartarus, being thrown into the abyss for the rest of the last Adam's millennial reign. However, antitypical apostate Jerusalem with her man of lawlessness class is supporting the false prophet and fighting against the anointed remnant of spiritual Israel, the ambassadors of heavenly Jerusalem, and their envoys, who are keeping themselves without spot from the world and who would rather go to Sheol or Hades than Gehenna by rejecting the theocracy proclaimed by the faithful and discreet slave and the Governing Body of the spiritual paradise on earth today. So, if you don’t want to subscribe to these horses, here's a program schedule for the Kingdom Hall, where you can come and learn more about New Jerusalem, new heavens, new earth, new commandment, new birth, new lump, new song, new creation, new personality, and the new covenant.
    Thank you for your time ... which is not to be confused with a time and times and half a time.
  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    Hello, I'm here as a member of the anointed remnant on earth, I know you don't know what that is, it's simply I'm going to heaven and you are not. I am just here to tell you about the Kingdom of God that is headed by Jesus Christ, you know, the one mentioned in the Lord's prayer? Well, Jesus Christ has been here and gone again, but he is coming ONE MORE TIME with lots of angels with swords and stuff, and blood will flow all over the place like in rivers, and birds will come and eat the bodies, and if I die first, I will be one of those angels with the swords, at least that's what I'm hoping. So I'm here to warn you to buy these books I'm holding in my hand, and be really nice to me when I come four times a month with the magazines and the books, and you also had better start coming to the Kingdom Hall, because if you don't my heavenly friends will come and destroy all the government buildings, I have illustrations of that here; and they will kill you and your family soon...like any day now. Thank you for your time and times and half a time and have a great day.

    Gawd....did we really used to do this...

    In 1975 a crack team of publishers was sentenced to death by a judicial commiteee. They promptly escaped from the cult and now live life on the run. If you have a problem ... and if you can find them ... maybe you can contact the A--postate Team"

  • jesussaves
  • Rummy1
    Rummy1

    Hysterical....can't believe I actually believed this baloney
    I remember calling on people and saying stuff like "Hi I'm calling with some good news.....do you like good news 'cos there's so much bad news about isn't there ?"..and then I'd show them the magazines with pictures of Armageddon , death and destruction on the cover or something like "Breaking free from the shackles of spiritism" or "Comic Books...why your kids shouldn't read them"

  • patio34
    patio34
    'Greetings, I'm a member of the great crowd of other sheep rendering sacred service to the Ancient of Days in the earthly courtyard of the spiritual temple by following the example of the fine shepherd and engaging as a pioneer in preaching the good news of the kingdom with the sword of the spirit.

    There were very few, if any that i knew, who would ever speak like that. Even in the JWs, there are wierdos and regular people. That above is one wierdo. Come on, did you know anyone who would have spoken or written that??

    Pat

    WTBS: Quit peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
  • Celtic
    Celtic

    The local theatre group I work with, I want them to see this, oh my giddy aunt.

    We're doing a short drama, play about the Jehovahs-Witnesses, starting this summer, I may just as well suggest that we use this paragraph above in the introductory script.

    Nice posting. Oh my ....

    Peace

    Mark

  • jesussaves
    jesussaves

    I think that the original post might have been a joke. I hope it was. If not, that guy or gal is really a weirdo.

  • flower
    flower

    Patio, it was a joke! Rofl!

    flower

  • Yadirf
    Yadirf

    jesussaves

    here's something else funny that I found
    http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Parthenon/5299/beards2.html
    What was the context in which the words of that recording were spoken? Do you know? I doubt it! Something taken out of context can always be made to appear differently than what was really said. So, that's "something else funny" that you may want to consider.

    Yadirf

    Daniel 11:35 ... a KEY prophecy that must be fulfilled before the "time of the end" gets underway.

  • jesussaves
    jesussaves

    Actually, Yardirf this was not taken from an ex-jw site. This is from a site called JW Cyberhall. There are excerpts from meetings for JWs. If it was taken out of context it is the fault of the webmaster. Ah, but JWs are the masters of taking stuff out of context! Here's the link to the main page

    http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Parthenon/5299/

    What are you doing on an apostate site this early in the morning? Shouldn't you be getting ready for the field ministry?

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