by GeneBean 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • GeneBean

    I was raised a JW LEFT WHEN I WAS 20 YEARS OLD. I HAVE BEEN OUT FOR 20 YEARS UNTIL I MET A BROTHER AND STARTED STUDYING. AFTER A YEAR OR SO I MET A SISTER WHO HAD BEEN IN THE TRUTH FOR ALL HER LIFE,46 YEARS, SHE HAD BEEN MARRIED 2 TIMES.I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER.PEOPLE HAD WARNED ME THAT SHE WAS TROUBLE,BUT I COULD NOT SEE IT,I FIGURED THAT SHE HAD TO BE BETTER THAN THE WOMEN THAT I KNEW IN THE WORLD.I WAS IN LOVE,SO WE MARRIED 4 MONTHS LATER.Thing were going good for a while i had been going to all the meetings and out to service,i noticed she was allways running down the elders, makeing fun of sisters,to and from the meetings.i started getting tired of it.so i told her i was not going to go to the meetings if she kept it up.we started arguing things got worse her mother and kids allways came 1st and for me last.The Elders got involved, she left me went to her mothers. I wanted to work things out but she wouldnt.The elders told her she had no grounds for seperation but she makes her own rules.She ended up getting disfellowshiped for murmuring againist the elders and trouble in the congeration along with leaving me,so she apealed it and won,i tried for one year to get back together but i could not hold on anymore.I Let my guard down and had sex with a women.It is very hard for me to be without a women.So now im disfellshiped, my wife continues to cause trouble,she is a marked person.Im feeling terrible,its going to be a long road back.

  • joel

    Hi GeneBean,

    Welcome to a place with people who can relate to how the WTBTS can effect peoples lives for the worse.
    It is a long road...but it sounds like you know the way back.
    Talkin' to others who know of the siuations you speak of...will help hurry you along that path. I'm an ex-elder...so I know how sides can be taken, that makes one scratch their head.
    Keep talkin'...we're listenin'


  • amicus

    I’m sorry to hear that things have not been working out well for you. We all make mistakes. Even when we do our best to make the right decision, sometimes things go wrong.
    Choosing a mate is never easy. Losing a mate is always hard.
    It sounds like you regret some of the decisions that you have made. It’s important to remember that Jehovah can read our hearts and he is a loving God. He understands our weaknesses and knows when we feel sorrow for something that we have done.
    When I find myself feeling like you describe, I try to just focus on one day at a time. Try not to dwell on what could or should have been. Find something that you can improve today. Pick a hobby you enjoy and do it.
    You and I are close to the same age. I found the “Truth” when I was 18 and, like you, left it and tried again after 20 years. Making a major life change like that is difficult, sometimes it’s hard to find our balance after that kind of a change.
    You picked a good place to come to. You’ll find a lot of love and understanding here. Whenever you feel the need to talk, come here and post.
    If you want to talk in private you can e-mail me. My e-mail address is posted.
    BTW I like that name.
    Keep in touch,

  • claudia

    You know I think its rotten for a woman to refuse to have sex with her hubby yet if he has sex with someone else he gets df'd. My sister did that, she even told the elders that she was refusing. She would use sex as a reward for going to the hall. Something about that doesnt seem right. GeneBean, im sorry for your troubles. please stick around, this place is great and will give you support.


    Hello Genebene

    Sorry about all of your hardships. Trust me when I say this is the place to be. It is hard. I know how you feel. If you get a chance read confessing, I started it. They have really help me here. If at all possible keep going to your meetings, if that is what you want.
    For me I have to go to mine. It is a struggle, but I go.

    There were and are here when I really needed someone. Don't give up.

    I know a sister who is a "pioneer". She has been married three times.
    First one was wordly, last two in the truth. She witholds sex from her mates hoping they will go out and committe fornication. The second husband was dis'f. She divroce him. Third husband held on for about 8 years before committing adultery. He is on private reproof. Need I say she is divorcing him. It is sad when things like this happen. You see there are no guaratees even in selecting a mate in the org.

    <<<<<<<<big hug>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • logical


    My sister did that, she even told the elders that she was refusing. She would use sex as a reward for going to the hall. Something about that doesnt seem right.

    Funnily enough, that point was brought out in the WT study yesterday. The word "prostitute" was also used to describe that sort of person. No offense meant, but hopefully that DUG IN to the "sisters" who play those sick games, making them feel really guilty.

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Welcome GeneBean,
    What a rough road you have had. So sorry to hear it.
    If you will read through the posts on this db, you will find many others had rough times as well. It helps to know you are not alone.
    The issues you faced with your wife hardly seem fair.
    The elders encouraged me to continue having sex with a very abusive man. For thirteen years I did. Then the last three I told him clearly that if he was going to scream at me twenty four seven, no sex.
    It was very hard for me. Women have needs too.
    The bottom line is he finally left me. I am now married to a wonderful man "in the world" and we have a wonderful relationship all the way around.
    Whatever you mean by

    Im feeling terrible,its going to be a long road back.

    be cautious. This time do what your heart really tells you. Do what is right for you. I wish I had, way back when.

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    P.S. He didn't leave because of the "no sex clause". Not really sure why he left. But I am glad he did.

  • Frenchy

    Gene: Sorry to hear about your troubles. How long has it been since you were df'd? Your elders have had one case overturned by appeal you may be able to do it again. If that's what you want. If that doesn't work you can grovel for a year and you'll be right back in. That is unless they don't like you personally.

    -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-

  • claudia

    Logical, It seems the word prostitute is fitting when we look closely at the definition.

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