I used to be a gungho witnesses. I did it all. I was even a full time pioneer with small children and I used to drag my kids with me from door to door, in the heat of summer and in the cold of winter. Goin from door to door in buildings where crime was rampant and where I should not have been in the first place. But I was so sure I was doing Jehovah's will that I was actually glad to do. I now cring at the thought of those days. We even arranged groups to go where the need was greater every summer. And of course, lets not forget the never ending round of meetings that had to be attended. In addition to the regular five meetings, there were also meetings on the weekends for field service and then there were mid-week meetings for field service. The kids and I went to them all. I was totally out of myt mind. I see that now. But little kids being what they are they sometimes were tired and fell asleep during the meeting (can you blame them). I tried to keep them awake with pencils and crayons but there was only so much I could do. Well, then I found out that Sister Blabbermouth was going around says "She's a pioneer so why aren't her children trained." Well, one day I got a visit from the elders. They didn't come to praise my efforts they came to tell me that maybe I should not be pioneering because my children were not trained. In retrospect, they were right. I shouldn't have have been pioneering dragging my kids all over the place, but at the time I thought I was doing Jehovahs will and that I was assuring my place in the new order. Before this they were encouraging me all over the place, you know, parts on the assemblies, etc. Now, they were telling me that because my kids got sleepy during the meetings I couldn't pioneer any more. I couldn't understand it. (Opps, its late, I've gotta go.) Anyway, to make a long story short, after more meetings and talks with the elders and the CO I just became frustrated and disgusted and stopped going to meetings. Gradually, at first, then I just stopped answering my door and telephone for a while. They got the message.
Why I Became an Inactive Witness
by Dutchy 17 Replies latest jw friends
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tyydyy
Welcome Dutchy,
Glad you told us your story. I'd like to hear the rest. How long has it been? How long were you in? What are your thoughts about religion now?
TimB
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jaded
Hi Dutchy and welcome!
Isn't it weird how when we're "in" we really believe all the crap that is fed to us. Then when we leave and are on the outside looking in we get such a clear picture about the "truth". Then we go around kicking ourselves and wondering how we could have ever fell for it. Be glad that you didn't waste any more years and can now get on with real life. I sure wish that I would have woke up a looong time ago! -
Celia
Good for you Dutchy, and your children will be ever grateful for you leaving this cult...
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Dutchy
Actually I was born in the truth, as they say. My grandmother was a witness and my mother was a witness. That is just the way it was. We went to meetings, we went out in field service, we didn't asociate with people who weren't witnesses. When you are that close to a religion you really don't see its flaws because you've grown up with them all your life. When they make changes in doctrine you don't see it before thatsw just the way it is and has always been. I didn't have doubts until much later and I think this UN fiasco is just the last straw. I remember when relatives came to visit we couldn't even take them to the UN because of its association with evil christendom. If we were walking down the street that the UN was on we used to cross the street. I was really stupid then. Now to find out that the organization that I cherished is also a part of the UN is just too, too much. I refuse to take anymore or to be a part of such gross hypocracy. I now feel like a dieter who has been on the Atkins diet for a while. Afterwards, they don't even want to see meat. Well, I feel that I don't even want to hear about any religion and now I am having doubts as to whether a god really exists or not. I guess I have a lot of baggage to work out.
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JBean
I understand how you feel, Dutchy. In fact, upon waking up this morning some thoughts went through my mind as to "what am I going to do now?" and "how am I going to worship now?" I haven't been to a meeting in over a year, but my entire family is still in and active. At times I feel like I'm drifting... like I should be doing something spiritual in my life, but it is definitely NOT the JW's anymore. (I was also born into the faith.) I'm so busy now with work and school and many "real" friends that I don't have much time to think about it... but I did this morning. I think we just have to take our time and do what feels right to us individually. Jbean
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Xander
Well, I feel that I don't even want to hear about any religion and now I am having doubts as to whether a god really exists or not. I guess I have a lot of baggage to work out.
I had (have?) similar feelings. Not knocking anyone here (definately not, in my short time here, I've really grown fond of this group - a lot of great people), but I've always wondered how someone goes from being a JW to another Christian group.
Maybe it's just because the j-dubs always emphasized every other religion's 'false teachings' all the time. When I look at any other organized religion, I can only see the holes in it that the WTBTS poked. Of course, when I look back at the WTBTS, I can only see the holes in their doctrine *I* poked (with the help of fine folks here and at other sites).
So, I, uhhh....found an alternative...
A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
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zev
xander said:
but I've always wondered how someone goes from being a JW to another Christian group.
yeah. i agree. personally, i feel i will never be a part of any organized religion, or have any human being tell me how to worship God.
i believe in God, but i have yet to work out that relationship. i have time. and thats what is needed. time to recover, time to heal, time to figure out how i will go about it.
welcome, Dutchy. and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
-Zev
Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 ** -
Xander
I think my wife might fall into this catagory.
Near as I can tell, she is clinging to her childhood...memories?...and doesn't really want to throw away EVERYTHING she was taught. I think she is justifying leaving the organization because of all the corrupt people.
In short, the built-in defense they brainwashed into us. "No matter what happens, it's just the result of imperfect men, the organization is never wrong."
Which, when you think about it from a mind-control POV, is beautiful. Memberships with the UN? Just a couple misguided brothers signing the WTBTS up. New position on voting? Well, a couple brothers back in the day were imperfect in their understanding....blahblahblah...
That reasoning even kept ME in longer than I should have stayed. 'The organization is great, it's just the people in it....'.
I'm sure some of the j-dub->Catholics(ex.) left the org still thinking that, so were only really looking for a different group of people to believe in.
I think I stopped believing this before I left. I mean, once you find rampart corruption of (almost) every member of an organization at every level, you have to start wondering if maybe something else is wrong. And so, I, too, stopped believing in men as messengers of divine instruction.
A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana -
TheStar
Dutchy,
I'm in the same boat! Trying to figure it all out. It feels overwhelming at times.
JBean,
Please email me if you can. I'd like to know how you've been able to be inactive while your family still is active. This is my problem and I don't know how to handle it. I wanted to DA myself but everyone here seems to agree that it is a bad idea so I'm taking everyone's advice and just trying to fade but I don't know how long my sanity will allow it.