INTEL- Well, having been married 2 times before and am finally finding real happiness now for almost 6 years in my 3rd marriage it certainly does not make me an expert , but I've been around the block a few times. I dated a variety of women in my 7 years as a single guy between marriages so I may have some insight that may assist you , who knows ?
I'll take it from the start. First of all the elder who told you , " that as long as it is " in the lord " ( marriage ) it doesn't matter if you are in love or not. " This guy was full of hot air. I highly disagree with this elder. You don't HAVE to suffer along with an incompatible marriage mate for convenience, guilt, children, hangnails, snoring at night, and most importantly you don't need to be with someone who you don't love or she doesn't love you ! If you really love the person- then you can put up with the hangnails and snoring at night and you give your children a good example as a married couple who love each other and provides a loving home for the children. It's not doing children ANY favor at all in staying together and fighting like hell , or having a chronic bad situation in the homelife because then - your child will learn that it's O.K. to accept a negative, abusive relationship whether the negativity comes in a physical, emotional, or mental way. My first wife and I split up after 19 years due to these stressful , negative environments which were not good for my teenage children. And my children thanked me years later for me and their mom NOT staying together.
In my opinion , ( and remember, it's just that ) you did yourself a disservice by getting seriously involved with this girlfriend you love too fast and too soon after breaking up with your ex-wife. If you had allowed yourself a time period to get to know yourself first before hopping into the dating world again - you may have avoided having to experience the conflicting, confusing emotions that come from just freshly having gotten out of a long term marriage. I feel THAT is one reason you are feeling confused . You haven't spent enough alone time with yourself to REALLY get to know yourself first so that when a possible relationship reveals itself to you - you would be more in tune with yourself emotionally and will be able to give the best of yourself to a prospective girlfriend or marriage mate. And after having spent 6 months alone or a year to heal from your marriage breakup then you might spend a year or two to just date women casually , getting to know a variety of them so you have a barometer to see and understand what kind of personality or possible female partner you would jive with or match up well with. In essence you educate yourself with a variety of experiences and the answer in time becomes clear what type of woman you are compatible with.
Of course, what I'm saying may appear to be water that's flown already under the bridge - but perhaps not. You need to also really accurately assess if your ex-wife is TRULY wanting to exit the Witnesses - or is this just a ploy on her part to get you back so she and her child will be cared for ? Or does she REALLY love you - or are you a convenience for HER so she doesn't have to raise your child alone ? If she authentically loves you and you love her - and she is being honest in not getting back into the JW cult - then yes, it may work out best for your child and you and your wife to reconnect and get back together. But honesty HAS to prevail in discussions and your conversations. Remember- That elder long ago told you love isn't important- you need to make sure that being in love is just as important to you as it is with your wife or whomever you are with. It's a hell of a letdown to find out you are in love with someone- yet they don't love you. Takes awhile to heal from that one. I know. Been there , experienced that with a girlfriend when I was single.
I wish you the best. You will have to make a decision in time. Your child deserves happiness, but she also deserves a mom and dad who truly love each other and aren't faking it. Also, most women I've known in my life didn't want to share their man with another woman. It's not fair to both parties involved ( unless all parties are into threesomes from the getgo or something ) . It's not fair to the woman because she deserves a man who will fully be there for her emotionally, physically, and mentally. And it's same for the guy. You deserve to have a woman fully committed to you in all ways. So- it's your decision, I'm not going to say what you should decide or not. I have just shown you different scenarios to think about that you may not have considered in the process of making your decision based on what I've noticed through the years. So good luck to you. Be smart, think it out, and get to know yourself so you can be there and give your best to a nice lady. And after all of this - you may find out that you want neither relationship at this time with either woman. Also- there is the suggestion to get professional counseling as well if you need help in figuring things out. It is an option to keep open. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
